


The Bet

by cr8zymommy



Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-07
Updated: 2014-05-07
Packaged: 2018-01-23 22:55:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 57,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1582418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cr8zymommy/pseuds/cr8zymommy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick hates seeing his friends miserable. He hates watching whatever is hurting Brian, watching AJ long for something he's convinced he'll never have. So, he tries to make a bet with AJ as a way to get him and Brian together. Unfortunately, things like this always seem to have a way of backfiring, and there are things going on that he wasn't aware of. Are the two men going to be able to make something in the midst of all this trouble, or are things just too messed up?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

PART ONE

Something was going on with Brian Littrell. Of that, AJ was positive. But what it was, he wasn’t quite sure. Whatever it was, though, was changing Brian into a totally different person. Oh, he still showed up for everything. He still laughed at peoples jokes and talked to them. But, not like friends. Not like brothers. He spoke to them like they were all co-workers.

That bothered AJ quite a bit. Not just because they all worked together and for so many months a year they pretty much lived together. But because Brian was his friend, a friend that AJ had always counted on to be there, and now Brian just…wasn’t. Oh yeah, Mclean. That’s not selfish sounding at all. He thought to himself wryly.

Leaning back on his elbows, resting them on the bleacher seat behind him, AJ lit a cigarette. He watched the basketball game going on below him between Brian and Kevin. It was too nice a day to sit inside, so he’d come down to sit in the bleachers and watch them play. To himself he could admit that he would take just about any excuse to see Brian out there on the court. All flushed and warm, sweat on his skin, his shirt clinging to those washboard abs…

An arm suddenly wrapped around his neck just as a hand connected with his head, rubbing back and forth. AJ squawked and jumped in the short second it took him to break out of his fantasy and realize it was Nick. “You fucking shit!” he swore, shoving at Nick as his friend laughed and sat next to him.

“You looked so serious sitting here, J. I couldn’t resist” Nick chuckled at him.

Well, shit. If Nick had noticed the way he’d been staring off into space, then it would be obvious to anyone else with half a brain cell. AJ took a drag of his smoke and snickered at his own thought. “I was thinking about shit.” He said in an attempt to distract Nick so he wouldn’t realize that AJ had been staring at someone.

To AJ’s surprise, Nick sighed and leaned back, propping his elbows up on the bleacher seat behind him just like AJ. “You were thinking about Bri too, huh?”

The question caught AJ off guard. Holy shit, was he really that obvious? Cigarette dangling from his mouth, AJ turned to look at his blond friend, suddenly nervous. No one knew how AJ felt about Brian. No one knew the thoughts that he had; thoughts that he tried so hard to keep to himself. To keep away from the holier than thou Littrell.

Nick was too busy staring out at the court to notice AJ’s expression. He just continued to talk, his voice quiet and low so that only AJ would be able to hear him. “Something’s going on with him. I haven’t been able to figure it out, and when I try to talk to him he just kind of shuts me out, you know?”

A sigh slid past AJ’s lips. Half relief, half worry. Relief, thank God that no one had caught on to his secret. Worry, something was wrong with Brian. “I know, Frack. He’s treating us like fucking co-workers. He hasn’t said shit to you?” AJ flicked his ash on the opposite side of Nick, carefully watching his face, noting all the worry that was there and hoping that Brian had at least talked to someone.

But Nick shook his head. “He hasn’t said shit to me at all. I tried to corner him, and he pulled the ‘I’m fine’ bullshit he always does when he doesn’t wanna talk. Usually by now he comes to me and tells me what’s going on in his head.”

“Yeah. I’ve thought about going to nag it out of him.” AJ admitted, taking another drag off his cigarette. His eyes drifted back toward Brian. There was definitely something bothering Brian. He hadn’t been the same since they’d come back from break. What had happened, AJ had no idea. But he could tell it had been bad. That light that was always in Brian’s eyes just…wasn’t there anymore.

He never really smiles anymore. AJ thought to himself. Sure, he smiles at us, but it’s not real. There’s nothing behind it. It’s like someone took the spirit in him and just, took it away. It’s not right. Brian should be happy.

A snort from Nick brought AJ’s attention back to the present. “Fuck, Bone, if I can’t get it out of him, your nagging isn’t gonna work.” Nick said mockingly.

For some reason that put AJ’s back up. Who did Nick think he was? “People talk to me plenty, thank you very much!” He glared over at Nick.

“Not about shit like this. This is the type of thing him and I talk about. Trust me, Bone. I couldn’t get him to tell me. He sure as shit isn’t gonna tell you.”

Annoyance had AJ flipping his sunglasses up to better glare at him. “Cocky shit, aren’t you? He’d talk to me just fine. We’re friends too, fucker.”

A corner of Nick’s mouth quirked. There was nothing he enjoyed more than picking on his friends. It was always too easy with AJ. Almost didn’t take any effort to annoy him. But when the opportunity presented itself, Nick couldn’t turn it down. He and AJ had been bickering for years. “Shit, J, he probably tells you things just so you’ll shut up and go away.”

“Go fuck yourself, Carter.” AJ ground out his cigarette and found himself turning and lighting another. God, Nick got under his skin sometimes. So damn bratty and full of himself. Like he was the best thing to walk the fucking earth. “You’re just pissy cause you don’t want to admit that he’d tell me even after he wouldn’t tell you.”

“The fuck he would.” The playful tone had left Nick’s voice. He sat up, turning to face AJ, and it was his turn to look annoyed. Seeing that there gave AJ a satisfied feeling. He loved being able to get one up on the blond wonder.

“You totally know he would.” AJ gloated, content now.

“Bullshit. I know he wouldn’t. Hell, I’d stake money on that shit.”

Rolling his eyes, AJ deliberately flicked the ashes of his smoke, letting the wind blow it at Nick just to piss him off. “Betting on your friends feelings? Pretty fucking cold, Frack.” He scoffed. Just as he turned his eyes back toward the game, Nick said the one word that could get underneath AJ’s skin. One word he knew better than to say, but he said it anyways.

“Chicken?”

Very slowly AJ turned his head back toward Nick. His hand was still at his mouth, holding the cigarette there. “What did you say?” he asked slowly.

Nick just smirked at him. “I said you’re chicken. You know I’d win the bet, that’s why you won’t do it. You know he won’t tell you shit.”

“The fuck you’d win. I won’t bet because he’s my friend and betting on his feelings and shit is bullshit. I’m not a fucking chicken.”

With an evil glint to his eyes, Nick bit his lip and nodded. “Sure thing, J. Whatever you say.” He waited until AJ turned his head again, and very quietly said “bawk, bawk.”

That was it. Cigarette still dangling from his mouth, AJ spun with a lightning fast move and launched himself at Nick. The younger man had been prepared for it and was braced to try to catch himself. He knew that there was more strength to AJ’s wiry frame than most people thought.

AJ saw red as he grabbed hold of Nick’s collar and tried to slam him back. But Nick had strength on his side, and he started to flip them around in an attempt to pin AJ. Yet, where Nick had strength, AJ had speed and agility. He let his body twist a little, then grabbed Nick’s collar and rolled them off that bleacher and down to the next one.

They landed with a thump, Nick seeing stars as his head hit. They had landed behind one bleacher, where the people who sat on the one above it would put their feet. “I’m not a fucking chicken, you little shit.” AJ growled around the cigarette that was, somehow, still dangling from his lips.

“Prove it. You get a month to prove you can win this shit. Prove you’re not a fucking little chicken, J.” Nick grinned up at him. He couldn’t resist nettling AJ. He never had been able to, no matter how many bruises it earned him. “That is, unless you’re too scared to be around him.”

Something in the way Nick said that had AJ freezing. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

This was the moment. Nick looked in AJ’s eyes and knew he was doing the right thing. He had come out here to the bleachers with one thing in mind. One plan in his head. He knew that something was wrong with Brian, and he also had a small idea as to what it was. He’d had a few ideas about things that were going on with AJ as well. One look at AJ’s eyes told him he had been right.

So, Nick had thrown this plan together, knowing how it was going to end. Knowing that he could irritate AJ enough to get his way. After that, his two friends would be forced to be around one another. That was what Nick wanted. He wanted them to be in one another’s company in the hopes that the truth might come out. Might make two of his friends happy.

Keeping his goal in mind, Nick looked up into AJ’s surprised brown eyes and said the words that he knew would get him in a lot of shit. Fuck, this is going to hurt later. He thought to himself quickly. But, if it worked, it was going to be worth it.

“I’ve seen how you look at him, J. Is that why you don’t want to take the bet? Afraid if you spend too much time with Bri he’ll find out your little secret? That he’ll notice the way you check out his stomach, or stare at his ass.” The last nail in the coffin, and it hurt Nick more than he would ever let on to do it. But he had to get them together. He couldn’t stand seeing the two hurt anymore. “Afraid he’ll find out that big, tough AJ is really just a little fa-”

Just like Nick had suspected, AJ’s fist came flying at him, catching him right in his jaw. It was suddenly everything he could do to protect his body as AJ became this slippery thing with flying arms and legs.

AJ couldn’t control himself. His vision had gone red with the strength of his anger. Underneath that it was fueled by hurt. Hurt that Nick would talk to him that way. That he would use that word. All he could think of was hurting Nick in any way possible.

Somehow they rolled down one bleacher, and then another. AJ didn’t even register the pain when he hit metal over and over. Vaguely he heard voices shouting. He fought like a wild thing, managing to connect a few blows beyond Nick’s defense. Nick was managing a few blows himself. Enough that, normally, would have had AJ sitting back and seeing stars. Not now.

Those voices were what Nick focused on. He heard Howie shout “Shit! Kevin, Bri, come help me!” and two other “Fuck’s!” echo through the air. Then suddenly Nick felt AJ’s weight being yanked off of him. He blinked up, dazed, and watched as Kevin bodily lifted AJ into the air. His hands and feet were still moving as if he was still trying to hit and kick even as Kevin took a step or two back.

AJ felt his fury peak when a pair of arms wrapped around his waist, lifting him into the air. He wanted to hit Nick. To beat him into a bloody pulp. Tear him to absolute fucking shreds. No one, no one, called him a fag and got away with it!

“AJ! Age, come on! Jesus, fuck. Calm down!” A voice was saying in his ear. AJ ignored it, pulling at hands that he finally recognized as Kevin’s. He glared over to where Howie and Brian were helping a bruised and bleeding Nick to his feet. Seeing him standing there, AJ let out a roar of rage and redoubled his efforts to try and get free.

Kevin grunted and changed his grip, managing to pin AJ’s arms to his sides by holding him in a big bear hug. Still the scrawny man bucked and growled. Looking up at his other friends, Kevin called out “He ok?”

“Yeah.” Howie called back, stepping away from Nick. He made to come towards AJ, but the loud scream he got in warning had him stopping in his tracks. Only one other time had he seen AJ this livid, and that had been when his dad had first come back to his life in an effort to get money from him. The temper that AJ had unleashed in his house with only Howie to watch had been terrifying. This was more so.

Looking down at AJ’s head for a moment, Kevin looked over at Nick. “Fuck, Nick, what the hell did you say to him?” he asked. Quickly he shifted, trying to better pin AJ. It never failed to amaze them that someone so skinny could have that much strength. Looking at Nick’s face, Kevin added on, Who knew he could pack such a fucking punch? I’ve never seen him do that much damage to Nick before!

“I called him a chicken.” Nick said, mumbling around his now swollen lip.

The others looked at him incredulously. Then they looked at AJ, who was still doing his damndest to break free. It was Howie who called “Bullshit.” He looked at Nick sternly. “We all know that pisses him off, but not like this. What did you say to him to make him snap like that, Nick?”

In that one second, Nick hated himself. He hated what he was going to do, and what he was going to say. He knew how angry his friends would be with him after this. Knew that he was going to have to deal with their anger, and their temper. Knew also that it was going to lose him Brian’s friendship. If not forever, than at least for a little while.

But Nick knew what Brian’s secret was, even if Brian had been so drunk when he told him that he didn’t remember saying it. He knew what it was, and knew AJ’s secret, and knew this was the only way to fix things. If he didn’t do something, they would never get around to it, and two people who were his brothers would be miserable for the rest of their lives.

Determination firm inside of him, Nick reminded himself that this was for the great good, and said the words that would damn him. “I know his little secret, and I called him on it. I called him a fag.”

That stunned everyone enough that Kevin loosened his grip a little too much. AJ took advantage of it and launched forward with a scream. He almost made it to Nick, but this time Brian stepped in. He barely managed to catch AJ around the waist. Following that momentum, he swept AJ around in front of him.

One look at AJ’s face and Brian knew that it would be useless to stand there and try to hold him back. He decided to let the others deal with Nick. Right at that moment, he wanted nothing to do with that little blond fucker. Nothing. Brian’s own heart ached as he started to tow AJ down the bleachers. It was a struggle, but it was hampered by the fact that AJ seemed to be trying to avoid hurting Brian. Unashamed of it, Brian took advantage of that to get AJ out of there.

Just when they reached the bottom and were about to turn out of sight, Nick called down “Remember, Age! One month!”

NEXT PART

Temper stayed with AJ as Brian hauled him further and further away. All he wanted to do was break free and go pound that little shit into the ground. Call him a fag, would he? He’d show him fag. He’d fucking beat his ass into the ground and then they’d see who the fucking fag was. God!

Brian was making it impossible for him to get back over there, though. The last thing that AJ wanted to do was hurt Brian, so he was left trying to escape without causing damage, which was almost impossible. “Damn it, Brian, would you just fucking move already?” AJ finally snapped out. Brian just kept herding him along, getting him in the back doors and then into the elevator.

Only once the elevator doors closed did Brian actually let go of him. “Have you calmed down yet?” Brian asked in his best ‘parent’ voice. It grated on AJ’s nerves and he found himself snapping out “Fuck yourself.” Without even thinking.

“I’ll take that as a no. Ok then.” Brian just shrugged. When the doors opened he took hold of AJ’s arm, leading him down the hallway. Once he reached a door, Brian pulled his keycard out and opened it, shoving AJ inside before following and shutting the door behind him.

“Dammit, Brian! Quit manhandling me!” AJ cursed, spinning to glare at him.

“Calm down and I won’t have to.” Was Brian’s unruffled reply. “I know Nick pissed you off, but killing him isn’t the answer.” As he spoke he moved into the kitchen area of the suite, heading straight for the fridge.

AJ crossed his arms and glared around the room, aching for something to pound on. “Sure seemed answer enough to me. The little fucking shit deserved every fucking bruise I gave him.” Still pissed, he kicked at the chair near him. “Who the fuck does he think he is? Pulling that bullshit. What the fuck business is it of his who I choose to fuck?”

Over in the kitchen Brian was busy putting ice into a towel. He kept his mouth shut, dealing with his own hurt at hearing Nick say that word. He also knew AJ well enough to know that this temper wasn’t going to end until he got it all out of his system. So he gathered up his homemade ice pack quietly and walked over to him. Without speaking he caught AJ’s hand and brought it up, pressing the icepack on top of it. AJ took it automatically, still glaring around the room.

Next Brian got a washcloth and wet it down. Still quiet, he came back over and took AJ’s arm, leading the grumbling man over to the couch and forcing him to sit. Then he set about cleaning up all the blood. For a few minutes he worked in silence. AJ sat and stewed, plotting ways to get back at Nick for what he’d said, and not coming up with anything. All he could feel, under the anger, was a huge sense of hurt.

This was one of the main reasons why he had yet to come out to his friends. Fear that this would be the reaction.

“I’m sorry that he hurt you, Age.”

Brian’s words caught AJ by surprise. He tried to downplay it, purposely misunderstanding Brian’s words. “Fucker hits like a bitch.” He grumbled. “He didn’t hurt me.”

“AJ.” Just his name, but it was enough to have AJ turning his head to look at him. Brian paused in wiping the blood off of AJ’s hand so that he could look him in the eyes. “You know that’s not what I meant. He had no right to say that to you, and I’m sorry he did.”

Taking a deep breath, AJ sighed it out and tried to chase the tension away. “It’s not your fault, Bri. Everyone has their opinions. Reactions like his are why I haven’t really told anyone that I’m gay. I don’t care what people’s opinions are about something this important, but I do care that they aren’t respectful.” When he said the last part he saw the surprise jump into Brian’s eyes. Suddenly Brian was bent over his hand again, wiping away the blood. “So it’s true then? I wasn’t sure if he was just being a shit, or what.”

“I am, Bri. No matter what anyone else thinks of it, that’s who I am. But it doesn’t mean that I have to tolerate the slurs. Or the bullshit.”

The room grew quiet for a little while as Brian moved from one hand to the other and AJ continued to stew. Then, very softly, Brian asked “Have you ever told anyone else?”

“My mom.” AJ answered easily. He found his temper melting away underneath Brian’s gentle ministrations, but something else waking up. Focusing on the conversation helped to control that part of him that was extremely attracted to the blond bombshell that was cleaning him up. “She was pretty cool about it once the idea sunk in. Now’s she’s my biggest supporter. But even if she hadn’t approved, well, it still would have been who I am. It would have broken my heart to lose her, but I won’t live a lie for anyone. I have to be true to me.”

AJ looked up when he felt Brian’s hand stop. Brown eyes met blue. “Even if she’d threatened to walk out of your life, you still would have stayed this way?” Brian asked in shock.

There was something going on here. AJ could sense it. But the only thing that made sense seemed almost impossible. He chose his answer carefully. “It’s not a choice, Brian. This is me. I didn’t just wake up one day and say to myself ‘I think I’ll be gay’. It’s just a part of who I am. How could I be anything else for anyone and still be me?”

His words seemed to set Brian back for a minute. He went completely quiet, staring down at the washcloth in his hand. Still without speaking he set about washing the blood off of AJ again. For that moment AJ decided to let Brian sit with whatever thoughts were in his mind. If Brian wanted to speak, he would. But AJ didn’t think that pushing a conversation right then would do either of them any good. There was something going on with Brian. Maybe whatever was in his mind now was a part of it.

Suddenly Brian spoke again, though he never stopped his ministrations, nor did he look up. “I wish I had your strength, AJ.”

Those words had AJ’s heart aching. He forgot all about his fight with Nick in the face of Brian’s obvious pain. “You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.” He softly told his friend. But Brian was already shaking his head. “I’m not. I care too much what people say about me. I’m not strong enough to just let it roll off my back, or to fight it out with them. I just take it. I take it and take it until I feel like I’m going to break into a million pieces. Then, somehow, I take even more.”

Jesus Christ, what had happened to him? What had been done to this sweet man? There was so much heartache in his voice that it almost brought tears to AJ’s eyes. “You’ve always had the softest heart of all of us. It’s one of your best qualities, Bri. There’s no shame in caring about people.”

“But there is in letting them walk all over you. How do you do it, AJ?” With his heart in his eyes Brian looked up at him. That hint of trouble that AJ had been sensing inside of Brian lately, the one that had been worrying him, was strong and bright on those beautiful features. AJ wanted to reach out and wrap him tightly in his arms and hold him until the pain was gone. The other part wanted to find whoever had put that look there and pound their ass into the ground. “Do what?” he finally asked.

Brian set the washcloth on the coffee table before running a hand through his hair. “How do you stand up to people like that? If Nick had called me that name, I would have been hurt and pissed, but I probably would have walked away. How do you always have the strength to stand up for yourself like that, no matter what anyone else says or thinks?”

“I just, I learned the hard way I guess.” AJ sat back against the couch as he thought about his words. He wanted to make sure that he said this the right way. “I used to get picked on, and people tried to walk all over me. When you’re the scrawny kid, it makes you an easy target. I’ve always been different, too, which made it worse. I learned to be the way I am out of self-defense. There were times as a kid that it was either stand up for myself, or get my ass kicked while I cowered. If I was going to get my ass kicked, I wanted to at least do it with my pride intact.”

“But what about with Nick? I mean, he’s supposed to be a friend. Almost like a brother. To have someone that close be that degrading, it would devastate me. But you didn’t react by being hurt. You reacted by being angry.”

This seemed oddly important to Brian. It was too difficult to try to analyze why it was that he was asking these questions, so AJ focused his mind on just answering them. “The thing is, temper like that is fueled by hurt. It hurt me more than he’ll ever know to hear him call me a fag. I could understand if he didn’t like me being gay, but not that level of intolerance. But if I went off and cried and let it eat at me, I don’t know; it’d be like letting him win. Giving him power over me.”

That seemed to give Brian something to think about. He was quiet for a moment. Finally he looked back up at AJ, and it was the most open look he’d had since they had come back from their break. There wasn’t that thin shield over his eyes that kept people out. His heart was in them, and it looked broken. “But the strength to come out to anyone at all. The bravery to do it amazes me. How did you get past the nerves, or the fear?”

Inside, AJ felt himself reeling in shock. There was no denying the look that Brian wore, or the way he asked that question. Holy mother fucking God. But on the outside he managed to keep his composure. To stay calm, and answer in a steady voice. “It’s like stepping up on stage. The nerves may eat at you, and you might feel like you’re going to forget the words you need to use, or you feel sick to your stomach. But you just kind of suck it up, lock it away, and do what you have to. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, to come out to my mom. But I sat there in front of her, letting her talk, and suddenly I knew I had to say it or I was never going to get the courage to do it again. So I just blurted it out. Stunned her, but it was said, it was out there, and I couldn’t take it back.”

Brian grew silent again, and AJ’s mind took advantage of the time to run a million miles a minute over their conversation. Was this what had been bugging Brian? This? Was he gay, and was terrified to admit it? The question he was asking was leading to that kind of assumption. But could simply being gay cause this level of stress and pain in Brian’s eyes? He didn’t think so. Something told him that, even if it was true, there was more to it than simply coming out of the closet.

That small part of his thoughts was suddenly confirmed when Brian looked down at his hands and spoke, his voice loud and clear, yet quavering slightly. “I’m gay.”

This was a crucial moment. AJ knew he had to respond in just the right way, or it would devastate Brian totally. He was such a sensitive soul. So even as AJ’s heart skipped a beat at having Brian, the man he had loved and lusted after for way too long, tell him that he was gay, he had to make himself be calm and think clearly.

“I kind of thought that’s where these questions were leading.” AJ said softly, drawing Brian’s eyes back up to him. There was fear in them, though what he would be afraid of, AJ wasn’t entirely sure. It wasn’t like he was going to criticize him for being gay, what with AJ being the same way and all. “Does that mean I can hit on you now?” he teased.

The worry in Brian’s eyes wiped away under surprise. For a second AJ thought that maybe he had overstepped and played this wrong. But then everything slid off of Brian’s face but humor. It was the happiest that AJ had seen him in a while. When Brian started to laugh, AJ couldn’t help but grin at seeing him smile and laugh again.

“Oh God, Age.” Brian said, wiping at his face when he was done. “How do you do that? You take my stress and just make it disappear.”

“Man, I aint telling you all my secrets.” Grinning, AJ settled back comfortably again. “How do I do this, how do I do that. You just want to know all the shit. But I can’t tell you all of it. If I did, well…you know the rest of that.”

That brought another chuckle from Brian. “You’re such a nerd.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

AJ sighed. “Ok, maybe a little.”

Brian’s laughter echoed off the walls.

NEXT PART

Voices outside the hotel room door caught both men’s attention enough to pull them from their conversation. Brian almost instantly tensed back up, the shutters going back down over his eyes. AJ realized that it wasn’t really so much a tensing, but a locking down. Brian was locking away himself behind this shield he had created. In the past five minutes Brian had been more himself than ever. 

AJ knew that the confession of Brian’s sexuality wasn’t what was causing this look in Brian’s eyes, or the way that he was pulling back from them. But, there was a connection. For a moment he sat there, stewing in the possibilities, as well as the shock of finding out the man he wanted wasn’t as straight as he’d thought. It helped it click in his mind that Brian was upset with Nick too. Not just for saying that word to AJ, but for the fact that he used it at all. Then the voices in the hallway registered in his mind.

In a flash AJ was off the couch. He made it all the way to the door before Brian caught him in a bear hug. There was nothing AJ could do without hurting Brian, and he refused to do that, so he was stuck for a moment. “Brian, let me go.”

“I’m not letting you go pound on him again.” Brian said simply. “One, the last thing either of you need is more bruises and blood. Two, we have some shows and press and commitments that we need to look a certain way for. How you going to do that if you two break something on one another? You’re already going to have to keep your shades on for a while, and makeup is going to kill you.”

“Fuck makeup!” AJ growled out. 

Suddenly inspired, AJ let his body go limp and become deadweight. He sank toward the ground, sliding from Brian’s grip. Unprepared for that, Brian lost his hold on AJ for a minute. The instant that he was free, AJ lunged for the door handle. He grunted when Brian’s body weight pinned him against the door solidly.

At another time, AJ would have been totally turned on by this. Right then he only wanted to go out and pound Nick to the ground, finishing what he’d started outside.

But he forced his temper to take a small drop back down. No one else he knew but Brian was capable of doing that to him. Anyone else and he’d just push past them and do what he wanted to. But with Brian’s beautiful blue eyes staring at him, and that sweet voice trying to stop him, how could he resist? It seemed that his temper just, melted a little. Allowed reason to sink in.

Brian felt AJ relax and hesitantly loosened his grip. “You calmer now?” he asked him.

For a second AJ didn’t answer. He didn’t know how to answer. Then he sighed and let some of the tension fade from his body. “Maybe a little.” He grumbled. But his eyes locked with Brian’s. “I am going to talk to him, though, or things are going to get worse and worse. I can’t let one word fuck up our entire group. Him calling me a fag isn’t worth ruining our career for.”

AJ didn’t miss the way that Brian flinched at hearing him say ‘fag’. But Brian didn’t say anything about it. He simply looked into AJ’s eyes for a moment as if he was searching for something, and then stepped quietly back, releasing him.

Calmer now, AJ stepped toward the door. He stopped with his hand on the door handle as something came into his brain. Turning back, he reached a hand out to gently cup Brian’s cheek. Surprise filled those blue eyes, but Brian didn’t move away from him. “I’m sorry he hurt you too, Brian.” AJ said in a voice gone low and soft. That was it. Then he turned back and opened the door to step out and find Nick fucking Carter and talk to him.

It really took everything that AJ had not to launch down the hallway when he saw Kevin and Howie leading a bruised and bloody Nick to his door. But he somehow managed to keep his calm as he walked to them. Three sets of eyes turned to stare at AJ apprehensively. Kevin even made to move between him and Nick.

“Relax, Train. I’m just coming to talk to him.” AJ said evenly. He felt Brian’s presence behind him and tried to allow it to soothe him. 

“You sure, Age? I mean, I’ve never seen you that pissed before.” Kevin said slowly. His words didn’t bother AJ in the least. What caught AJ’s attention were Kevin’s tone and the way his body shifted slightly away from AJ. Looking into the older man’s eyes, AJ saw what he’d been afraid of seeing. Kevin knew he was gay now and wasn’t comfortable about it. He didn’t outright bash AJ, but it was obvious that he wasn’t at ease. Looking to Howie, he could see the same thing in his best friend’s eyes.

That made AJ’s voice a little sharper than normal. “I’m sure. Now would you move and let the hulking blond speak for himself?”

Still Kevin seemed to hesitate. What saved the moment from erupting into another fight was Brian. He stepped around AJ and put a hand on Kevin’s arm to get him to step back. “Back off, Kev. This is between them right now.” No one else but Brian ever stood up to Kevin and got away with it so easily. But he did, and it got Kevin to step out of the way.

“Can we trust him to keep his cool?” Kevin was talking about him as if he wasn’t standing right there listening to him. That sent AJ’s temper back through the roof. He took a step forward, not quite sure what he was going to do, but Brian looked over at him and AJ found himself held by those beautiful blue eyes.

For just a minute he saw beyond the shield again, down past it to his friends heart. “Please, Alex.” Brian whispered softly.

How could he resist that? Much to the shock of everyone around them, AJ gave Brian a soft nod and stepped back to his original place.

Nick didn’t speak. He didn’t have to. He looked at AJ for a moment and gave a small nod before opening his door and gesturing for AJ to follow him. Together they stepped in the room and shut the door.

Neither one spoke for a short moment. AJ stared at the kid who’d been a good friend of his for years now. Someone that he’d always trusted, and had always tried to look out for, really. To kind of protect. Not in a parent sense like Kevin could do, or even Howie. More like, an older brother with his younger brother. Even if it was just to himself AJ could admit that this was part of his problem. He felt as if a family member had just fucked him over.

“We need to make some kind of peace, for the sake of the band.” AJ found himself saying. Even he was surprised at how flat his voice sounded, and how cold.

“I agree.” 

“Well we’re stuck for shit here then. You think I’m a fag and I think you’re a spineless little shit.”

Nick shrugged, walking away to get a bottle of water from the mini fridge. His entire body was loose and relaxed in a way that made AJ’s lip curl in annoyance. “Sounds like we understand each other perfectly. I don’t see what there is to discuss.” Nick tossed coldly over his shoulder.

Underneath his temper, AJ felt hurt. Hurt by this kid who was supposed to be his brother, and who was supposed to stand by him. It made him lash out with his words. “You’re one heartless son of a bitch, Carter. You going to let your fucking homophobia destroy our fucking group or what?”

“I don’t want the group ruined.” The softness of Nick’s voice had AJ’s back going up. 

What right did Nick have to sound as if he was so upset? This was his fault! Temper snapped inside of AJ, making him ache to swing his balled up fists. The ache in his hands throbbed lightly, but it was barely on the edge of his temper. Just as he opened his mouth to snap, thoughts of Brian out in the hallway had him freezing. The way that he had stuck up for him against Kevin, trusting him to do the right thing. Sticking up for him, and having utter faith that AJ would behave. He couldn’t bring himself to prove that faith and trust wrong.

So he took a deep breath and flexed his fingers. With a roll of his shoulders he pushed away as much of the tension as he possibly could. “I can respect if you have a problem with my sexuality, Nick.” He kept his voice even, needing that cushion to hide behind. God, he wished he had his shades to hide his eyes!

He had to settle for walking to the patio and staring out while wishing for a cigarette. “I can even respect if you won’t associate with me beyond what’s necessary. But I won’t have it mess up our band.” Here he made the biggest concession in his entire life. One that hurt his heart deeply. “If it makes it easier, I promise not to flaunt it in front of you or even Kevin, apparently. I’ll be discreet when I’m at home, and while I’m on the road…”

AJ had to stop himself for a minute to clear his throat. There was a knot there that was trying to rise up, but he forced it back down. With his eyes closed he never saw Nick freeze in mid turn, or the horror that was on his friends face. AJ kept his eyes closed, afraid that if he looked he would see disgust on Nick’s face. Afraid that if he opened them, the tears would come. He would do his damndest to never let Nick know how bad he had hurt him. How much this was going to hurt.

When he spoke again his voice was gruff. “I’m not ashamed of who I am or what I feel. I have no humiliation in being gay. But while I’m on the road, I promise I won’t even touch another man in a sexual way. Not because I’m embarrassed or shit like that, but because I can respect that our band comes first.” Even if it broke his heart in little pieces.

Nick couldn’t have any idea what AJ was giving up with this. There was no way he could know that Brian was gay, and how much it meant to AJ to find that out. How, by making this promise to Nick, he was effectively cutting himself off from trying to court Brian. The one man in the world he loved and wanted more than anything else. But he would do it. For the sake of the Backstreet Boys, he would give up the one thing in the world that he wanted more than anything.

Turning away from the patio doors, AJ straightened his shoulders. Nothing on the outside showed the turmoil inside. His face was calm, his eyes cold, his body relaxed. Inside, he was sobbing. It wasn’t fair! Not now. Not when he had just found out that he might have a small speck of a chance with the person he loved.

Ruthlessly he shoved those cries down, hardening his heart so that when he looked at Nick his face was an expressionless mask.

Nick’s face, on the other hand, threw AJ back on his heels. There was pain and sorrow and guilt there, all mixed together into one. “AJ.” He said hoarsely. Speechless, AJ watched as Nick covered his face with his hands. What the hell was going on here? “Oh, God, AJ. I’m an idiot. This isn’t what was supposed to happen.”

“Wasn’t supposed to happen?” AJ repeated him. He knew he sounded stupid, but he didn’t care. What the fuck was going on?

“No!” Nick cried out. He dropped his hands down, his face anguished. “Why the hell do you have to be so fucking noble inside, huh? I didn’t think you’d react that way!”

Confusion had AJ furrowing his eyebrows. But pieces of Nick’s words came together, slowly painting a picture in his mind. Suspicion grew. AJ thought back to when he’d been talking with Nick, before he’d called him a fag. There’d been no animosity there. Nothing to suggest that Nick was bothered at all by him. He couldn’t have figured out AJ was gay just while sitting there, so that meant he had to have known, which meant…

AJ’s eyes shot back to Nick’s face, and this time they were full of emotion. Anger had them practically flashing. “You lied to me.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. But Nick answered it anyways, his face suddenly wary. “I was just trying to force the two of you to stop pining for one another. I know he cares about you. I know he’s gay. An I know you care about him.”

“So you called me a fag?” AJ screeched, taking one step forward. “That was your master plan? Where’s the fucking logic in that!”

“There’s something going on with him, and it’s not him being gay! Something happened to him, AJ!” Nick hissed furiously, his voice pitched low in case anyone was listening in the hallways. “All I know is he got drunk one night and told me he was gay, and that he thought you were hot. But I’ve watched him! It’s more, AJ. It has to be more! But something happened to him, and whatever it is was bad. Enough that he’s terrified to take that step. I know you like him too.”

Calmer now, Nick ran a hand through his hair. “I couldn’t stand seeing my two friends hurt. So I did it hoping that you two would get together. I knew to push you at him, I had to piss you off, cause when you’re pissed at someone you’ll do anything to prove them wrong. That’s why I made the bet. So you would finally get the balls to do what you needed to do.”

So many different emotions were warring inside of AJ. Shock, pain, anger, resignation, love for his friend, joy at knowing that Brian found him attractive, rage that Nick would do this. If there was one thing in the world that AJ couldn’t stand, it was to be lied to or to be manipulated. He’d had that done one too many times.

“So you do all this by fighting with me and calling me a little fag?” AJ whispered. He didn’t know if he could trust himself to speak any louder. His whole body felt tight, as if he was waiting for something. What, he didn’t know. His emotions had yet to settle on their roller coaster.

Nick shrugged his shoulders. “It worked, right? Brian already told you he’s gay from the sounds of it. Soon he’ll open up the rest to you.”

The pain and the rage were what finally won out inside of AJ. His hands balled into fists at his sides. “Do you even realize what you’ve done?” The tone of AJ’s voice was like razorblades against your skin. Sharp and painful. He saw Nick take a step back in response, but he didn’t care. “Because you had to involve me in your little game, do you realize what else you did?”

Nick was speechless. He found himself backing away as AJ advanced, and thinking to himself that this was not good. There was so much hurt and anger in AJ’s eyes; more than he’d ever seen there. “Age…”

On a roll, AJ spoke right over top of him. “You hurt me, Nicholas. Underneath the anger, that shit fucking hurt. Not only that, but you hurt Brian. Did you think about that? Your words hurt him too. Made him afraid to tell anyone else for fear of rejection.”

Pain flashed over Nick’s face, but AJ kept right on going, stalking forward. “Not only that, but you may have honestly fucked things up with the others. Did you see how Kevin was around me? Or D? Not even fucking comfortable standing by me!”

To AJ’s everlasting fury, a few tears leaked from his eyes, dripping toward the ground. He dashed them away angrily.

Seeing them, Nick stepped forward, a hand extended. That was his mistake.

AJ launched forward, full body slamming Nick to the ground. The momentum of their fall carried them back into the coffee table. As they fell they twisted, so it was AJ’s back that hit the glass surface, Nick right on top of him. AJ paid no notice to his back. When Nick climbed off of him, he tried to scramble up, almost managing to tackle him again.

He hadn’t heard the door whip open, but suddenly Brian was in front of him. There was anger on Brian’s face, and he was already speaking as he quickly grabbed hold of AJ’s wrists. “Dammit, Age! I trusted you to keep…” Brian’s words trailed off when he caught sight of AJ’s face.

Yet again AJ wished he had his shades. He ducked his head, knowing that his face was streaked with tears, and not wanting any of them to see. All he wanted was to be as far away as possible from this room. But Brian tipped his face back to him, even as the others in the room were helping Nick and exclaiming over the broken coffee table.

The pain and heartache in Brian’s eyes met the pain and heartache in AJ’s eyes. They weren’t the same, not at all. The one in Brian was deeper, and on such a delicate soul. But they had a moment of understanding and shared pain.

Gently Brian turned AJ to face the door, away from everyone in the room. Then Brian looked at the others. “I’m going to clean him up. I suggest you guys clean up Nick. Then I think everyone needs to stay away from everyone else tonight.”

Everyone nodded to his advice, and Brian quietly led his friend from the room, keeping him turned so that no one saw his tears. If there was one thing that Brian understood, it was pride. Pride that kept you from showing others your weaknesses. His own pride was wrapped around him like a cloak, holding his own pain deep inside. But, maybe, for the first time, there might be someone who would understand. Who would have ever thought that it would be AJ, of all people?  
   
NEXT PART

The very first thing that Brian did when he got back to his room was to lead AJ to the bathroom. Once in there he let go of AJ and started to gather up the supplies necessary to clean him up, yet again. Thank God he always kept a first aid kit in his bathroom bag. It wasn’t uncommon for one of them to get an injury playing ball, or goofing around. Or, though it happened less and less, there were fights like this.

“Strip the shirt off. I need to see your back.” Brian said briskly. He deliberately made his tone brisk because he knew that AJ would need something to latch on to so that he’d be able to ground himself again. Something that would provide him with solid footing. If that was what his friend needed, Brian would provide it for him.

AJ’s eyes found his in the mirror, gratitude bright in them for just a split second before he looked away. It didn’t escape Brian’s notice that when AJ pulled his shirt off, he paused to try and discreetly wipe the tears off his face with it before tossing it onto the counter. Still inconspicuously watching AJ in the mirror, Brian wet some cloths and allowed himself to look, just a little, at AJ’s sculpted abs. His firm biceps. Privately, inside of his mind, Brian could admire and admit to himself how attractive AJ was.

All other thoughts escaped Brian’s mind when he straightened back up and saw AJ’s back for the first time. Jesus. He’d known there’d be a mess, but… “Fuck, AJ.”

Turning his back to the mirror, AJ looked over his shoulder and started to swear steadily. Impressively, too, Brian admitted to himself. Some of those curses he’d never heard before. The skin on AJ’s back was cut and bleeding all over. Pieces of glass stuck in parts of his skin, having torn through his shirt. All in all, his back was a freaking mess. This was going to be hell to clean up. 

Lost under his concern for his friend, Brian didn’t even notice that he dropped his walls. He didn’t realize that the pain that was such a constant part of him anymore wasn’t really there for the moment. All he could focus on was the mess on AJ’s back and the pain, both physical and emotional, that he must be in.

As he’d done for fights before, Brian clicked his brain over to ‘nurse’ mode, as the others like to tease him. He grabbed the alcohol and rooted around until he found tweezers. He sterilized his tweezers and then gathered up his other stuff, gesturing AJ from the bathroom. They wouldn’t be able to work like this.

With a curious look AJ followed Brian from the bathroom. They moved toward the bedroom area. Once in there, Brian laid down towels and pointed at the bed. “On your stomach. Try to move your back as little as possible while you do. I need you to lie down so I can pick the glass out.”

Mockingly AJ saluted him before moving gently toward the bed. Brian could see that AJ’s temper was starting to wear off, which meant that all the aches were settling in. He waited until AJ was lying on the bed and settled before he moved over and sat down on the side beside him as carefully as possible. Still he heard AJ hiss. As gently as possible he leaned over and turned the lamp on. Sometime through all of this day had started to turn into night.

“It’s gonna sting like hell.” Brian warned him softly as he picked up his tweezers. He laid a towel across AJ’s ass to give himself something to put the glass pieces in. A part of his mind couldn’t help but admire the muscles that were prominent even through the marks on the skin. Or the ones that were bunched at his shoulders from the way he had brought his hands up to rest under his head.

“Just get it done, Rok.”

Brian carefully took his tweezers and started to pick out the pieces of glass he could see. It was slow, painstaking work. He was shocked to see that, after the first little twitch, AJ stayed perfectly still. But his muscles were locked in place, almost as if he was forcing his body to stay still with sheer willpower.

He couldn’t just do this silently. He had to talk, to try and distract AJ from what was happening as well as get the answers that he wanted. “Want to tell me what happened in there that had you going off the handle? You said you were going to be calm.”

“I was.” AJ insisted. He had to stop, hissing when Brian plucked out a particularly deep piece of glass. He took a deep breath and amended his answer. “At first, I guess. I tried.”

“What on earth made you lose it so bad, Alex? Bad enough to try to tackle him over a coffee table. You know better than that.” He kept his tone casual, trying to make sure that it didn’t sound too bossy or nagging. That was one way to put AJ’s back up quickly. He didn’t take to being bossed around very well.

The others were continually amazed at how much Brian knew about all of his friends. Little things that made them tick. He didn’t see the big deal about it. When you were friends with someone you took the time to figure them out. To learn their quirks. That made the friendship better and stronger, in Brian’s eyes.

AJ shuffled slightly on the bed, as if better adjusting. But Brian could see the tension in him and knew that AJ was stalling. He bent over AJ’s back, wiping away blood and continuing to pick out glass while he waited him out.

Sure enough AJ eventually caved. He always did. “He lied to me.” The quiet whisper almost didn’t reach Brian’s ears. When it did he furrowed his eyebrows but continued to wait. He knew AJ wasn’t done. “Nick has no problems with my sexuality. He lied to me and manipulated me for his own ends. As thrilled as I am about him not being homophobic, he didn’t stop to think what his game would do…”

This time when AJ trailed off, Brian knew it was safe to fill in the silence. He picked out another piece of glass, wiping it on the towel. “He didn’t stop to think how Kevin and Howie would react, I take it.”

“He didn’t. His bullshit game could cost me two friends, one who’s supposed to be my best friend.”

There was more in AJ’s voice than just anger. Brian chose not to acknowledge it, knowing that it would embarrass AJ to have someone else hear the pain in his voice when he was trying so hard to control it. That was something that Brian was so familiar with.

He wished there was something he could do to help AJ out. A part of him was mentally cursing his best friend. Nick had the best of intentions sometimes, but he tended not to think his plans through all the way. It was a relief to know that Nick wasn’t homophobic. That eased some of Brian’s own tension. But he wondered what Nick’s plan was, and why he had implemented it. Or why Nick had been dumb enough to do the two things in the world that were guaranteed to make AJ the maddest. 

Call AJ a fag and he’d kick your ass. But, there’d be a good chance he’d get over his mad and find a way to forgive you. Not right away, cause he could be a grudge holder when the mood took him, but eventually he’d forgive almost anyone.

Lie to him, though. Manipulate him for your own games. Do either one of those and you were risking unleashing that temper of his. You were also most likely destroying any chance of ever having a friendship with him again. They were, in his mind, two of the most unforgivable sins that any person could commit against a friend or loved one.

“I doubt that he thought that far ahead, Age.” Brian said softly, looking over AJ’s skin to try and see if there was any more glass that he’d missed. “I’m sure, in his mind, that he was doing this to help you.”

AJ’s voice surprised Brian, making his head turn. It was pitched low and deep, the rasp more prominent. “He’s just using me to fix someone else. He messed up my friendships without a thought about it because I wasn’t what was important. I was just a means to an end.”

A shaft of pain blasted Brian straight in his heart. He froze, bowing his head. He knew that feeling. Recognized the pain of it in AJ’s voice. But, Brian’s went so much further. So much deeper. He knew the pain of being used for someone else’s game plan. To have what you felt tossed aside as if it meant nothing, and stomped on top of until it felt like there was nothing left. Like what was inside of you was dead and gone, and could never be brought back again. You could only go on through life, a hollow shell of your old self.

Brian hadn’t realized that he was gripping the tweezers tightly in his hand or that he had gritted his eyes shut. Suddenly AJ’s hand touched his, forcing it open until the tweezers fell out, and then lacing their fingers together.

His eyes shot open, finding AJ’s face right below his. Despite the marks that must have hurt, AJ had shifted to his side and was propped up on one elbow. There was something in his gaze that had Brian humbled and terrified all at the same time. It hinted at things that he had sworn to himself he would never feel again. But he couldn’t bring himself to look away.

Almost as if he was reading Brian’s mind, AJ nodded a little. “Someone hurt you.” He spoke softly, those raspy words piercing Brian straight to his soul. All he could do was nod in response. Words failed him as he stared into AJ’s beautiful eyes. “I’m not them, Bri.”

“I know.” Brian croaked. This was the closest he had ever come to talking to anyone about what had happened to him. “I can’t help it.”

“I’ll wait for you.” The words were said with such sincerity, love, and patience.

Brian felt tears fill his eyes. He couldn’t tell AJ what had happened; he couldn’t tell anyone. But he couldn’t sit here and lie to him. “I don’t know if I’ll ever get better. I don’t know if I can trust someone that deeply again.”

Again AJ nodded at him. He squeezed Brian’s hand, their fingers still laced together. “I can respect that. But I have to try.” He said raspily. Brian watched as AJ took a deep breath. The words he said next were not what Brian had expected. “I’ve loved you for years, Brian Thomas Littrell. I’ll wait all the time in the world for you. There’s no one else for me, and I know that.”

“I’m not worth your love.” The words slipped past Brian’s lips before he even knew it. In them was all the pain he felt from that bruised and bloody part of his heart.

AJ sat up further, his free hand coming up. He ran the backs of his knuckles down Brian’s cheek. “I think you are. You’re worth all that and so much more, Brian.”

In the face of that Brian found that he had no words. All he could do was lean into AJ’s hand as it turned to cup his cheek. He closed his eyes.

A soft kiss was pressed against his forehead. But AJ didn’t speak again. They sat there together, each one hurting in their own way, and each one thinking long thoughts.

Finally it was Brian who broke the silence. “I can’t make promises.” He whispered so softly that AJ almost didn’t hear him. “But don’t give up on me.”

A smile curved AJ’s lips. “I don’t plan on it.” He replied.  
   
NEXT PART

AJ finally ended up in Brian’s shower, washing away the blood and dirt from his skin. When he was done Brian was threatening him with putting antibiotic on all the open cuts. They’d have to see about that. Sometimes that shit stung. But as he let the water run down his back, wincing, he knew that he’d end up letting Brian put it on. One, it was smart. Two, he had a hard time telling Brian no. The man rarely asked for anything from anyone.

The pain faded to the background as AJ marveled at everything that had happened over the course of an afternoon and evening. First the fight with Nick. Next the discussion with Brian in his room, and finding out that he was gay. Then the discovery of Nick’s ‘plan’, followed by another fight. Now this private moment that he and Brian had shared.

Had he actually sat there and told Brian that he loved him? After so long of feeling that way and never saying it, he felt lightheaded now that he had finally told him. Not just told him, but been asked by Brian to try. That was what Brian’s words had boiled down to. ‘Don’t give up on me’ he’d said. As if AJ would ever do that. If he hadn’t before now, what would make him?

With the pain Brian was in, things would be difficult. Looking into Brian’s eyes as they’d sat there, and seeing the way that Brian had reacted after AJ had said he’d been lied to and manipulated, well that made it obvious that someone had hurt him. Badly. It would be up to him to fix things. Well, not just him. The both of them. Brian would need his help, but he wouldn’t be able to do it unless Brian was open to it. The question was, how?

It physically hurt AJ to see Brian reduced to something so hurt, so broken, that he was afraid to even reach out to his friends. The fact that he’d told AJ his first secret was amazing. There was such depth to his pain in his eyes that AJ felt small before it. He knew he’d have to live through so much more to ever equal the hurt of what he saw there. He remembered Brian’s words from earlier.

“I’m not. I care too much what people say about me. I’m not strong enough to just let it roll off my back, or to fight it out with them. I just take it. I take it and take it until I feel like I’m going to break into a million pieces. Then, somehow, I take even more.”

Those words made him want to weep. Almost absently he set about washing his hair while he thought. Out of all of them, Brian was so sensitive on the inside. Who on earth could have hurt him? Anyone who got to know him knew that there was a gentle heart and a pure soul in there. Oh, not because of the religion as everyone else thought. Sure, Brian was religious, but that didn’t mean that he was puritanical. He had his faith, and it was a part of him, but he was still his own person.

To hurt him this deeply, and to leave behind such internal scars, it had to have been done by someone close to him. A family member? Something in AJ said no. The way that Brian had spoken of not being able to trust someone that deeply again, or how he had said that he wasn’t worth AJ’s love, suggested that it was a relationship that was at the root of this. Male or female? Most likely male. Something told him that all of this tied in with Brian’s confession about his sexuality.

The big question of the night was--what to do about it? This was going to take the utmost amount of care. Until Brian was ready to talk about what happened to him AJ was going to be playing blind, so to speak. But a general idea was already forming in his mind.

He was going to have to show Brian that love was worthwhile with the right person. That when two people really loved one another there was no pain, no lies. Nothing would be truly fixed until Brian could confront his demons and face them down. But AJ could provide him the steady ground to find his way back on.

Even if there was a chance that, when all was said and done, Brian might not choose to be with him, wasn’t it worth the cost? How could he say he loved Brian and not help him through this? Even if it broke his heart at the end, as it surely would if Brian didn’t want to be with him, he knew that he had to try.

It was going to be a slow process. The only way that AJ knew to do what he had in mind would be to court Brian. Not just pursue him and hit on him, but full on court him. The word was old fashioned, and it made AJ smile as he shut the water off and stepped out, wrapping himself in a towel. It was an old fashioned word, yes, but it was perfect for what he had in mind.

What made it even trickier was that he would have to do it without letting on to the others. No one else but Nick knew that Brian was gay. AJ wasn’t going to make it obvious and spill Brian’s secret. That was his, to tell when he chose. How would he go about this, though?

That thought sustained him as he dried himself off. He slowly started to build a plan in his mind of what he could do for Brian. Not as a means to an end, but things that would show him that he was loved, and worthy of that love.

A knock on the bathroom door startled him from his thoughts. He wrapped the towel around his waist, hooking it in so that it stayed in place, and called out “Come in!” without even thinking.

Brian poked his head in first before stepping all the way in. He held some of AJ’s clothes in his hand. “Thought you might need these.” Brian said. There was a flush on his cheeks that had AJ’s blood spiking. It took him a second to realize its cause. But he was clued in when Brian’s eyes drifted for a second down to his stomach and hips, then quickly off to the side. Hmm. He hadn’t thought about being in only a towel. They’d all seen one another dressed like this before.

“Thanks, Bri.” He said gratefully. A smile curved his lips. “I was wondering what the hell I was going to put on. Can’t troll the halls naked, wouldn’t be good for the Backstreet image.”

That teased a small smile out of Brian, but it also brought the flush brighter to his cheeks. AJ couldn’t help the feeling that washed through him, or his body’s reaction to it. Taking the clothes, he held them in a discreet bundle in front of him and tried to will his body to not respond so much.

With a small smile, Brian turned his back. This wasn’t something they all hadn’t done a million and one times before. Well used to it, AJ shed his towel and pulled on the boxers first, followed by the sweats. He wished they were jeans, to better hide the small tent that was still there. Once he had those on, he did the only thing he could think of to hide it. He sat on the vanity bench by the bathroom countertops. “Ok, get your medicinal shit and let’s get this over with.” He grumbled playfully.

While Brian gathered what he needed, AJ got the first serious glimpse of his face in the mirror. Holy hell, they’d done quite a number on one another, he and Nick.

A bruise colored AJ’s left cheekbone, thankfully light enough that makeup should be able to hide it. His bottom lip was swollen and split to one side. There wasn’t too much damage to him really except for little bits here and there. He’d been the one attacking, and he’d been going crazy enough and fast enough that Nick hadn’t managed to damage him too much.

Another bruise colored his right shoulder from rolling through the bleachers. That one was some pretty colors. It would take a while to fade, but it would be easily covered with a shirt. His hands were pretty messed up though. The knuckles were split, whether from Nick’s thick head or from when Nick had managed to move enough that AJ hit the bleachers, he wasn’t sure. They were bruised too, and were already starting to ache. He was damn lucky he hadn’t broken any fingers. For a while they were going to be a bitch to use, though.

Really, it was his back that had the worst damage. Thank God Brian had picked out the glass. Now it was just a matter of healing them up.

At that time Brian came back in, the little bottle of antibiotic in his hand. “Now, it won’t sting.” He said in response to the face AJ automatically made. “They’ll soothe it, actually, so you can get some sleep.”

“Yeah, that’ll be interesting.” He grumbled halfheartedly. But he stayed perfectly still as Brian applied little bits of the cool cream to different parts of his back. Surprisingly it didn’t sting. It actually made it almost numb, in a way. He found himself sighing under Brian’s touch. Relaxing.

“See, I told you.” Brian spoke softly, but there was a smile to his words. He had smiled more in this afternoon and evening than he had the entire time they’d been back from break.

“Mm hmm.” The noncommittal sound that AJ made had Brian chuckling softly.

AJ’s earlier idea was growing in his mind as he let himself drift under Brian’s ministrations. He wondered if he should give Brian a little time to think about everything they’d talked about, but he was afraid that Brian would just find a way to talk himself out of it all. So AJ was going to strike while the iron was hot and start his courting right away.

As Brian put the cap back on the antibiotic, AJ turned around on the seat and drew his legs up under him crossways. “We still have tomorrow off before we go to the next show, right?” he asked. Looking back at AJ, Brian nodded while he put the antibiotic into his little medical kit. “Yep.”

“Want to help me cruise the net tomorrow and find a gift for Ma? Mother’s day is coming up and I suck at gifts like that.”

Just as he’d wanted the offer threw Brian for a second. That was obviously not what he’d expected AJ to ask. Typically it wasn’t something that AJ would do as a way to woo someone. But this was Brian. He was different. One, AJ knew he wasn’t ready to go back out in the world yet. Two, a romantic dinner would probably be pushing it too far. Like he’d thought before, he was going to have to take this slow. The best way he could think of to do all of this that he’d been able to think of so far was to draw Brian back out as a friend first.

Where things went from there they’d have to see. But it felt right to start things out this way. On top of that, he really did value Brian’s opinion on things, and he really hated buying mother’s day gifts. He never knew what the hell to get her.

After a second of staring, a beautiful smile curved Brian’s lips, and AJ knew he was on the right track. “That sounds like fun. You amaze me that you can go out and shop like mad, but a holiday like mother’s day comes along and you’re just totally lost. You’d probably end up doing something stupid like buying her something with a plug.”

“Hey! That was just one time! She’d said she’d needed a new stove, so I got her the stove. How was I supposed to know it’d offend her so much?” AJ defended himself.

Brian started to laugh as he closed the medical kit. “AJ, no woman wants a gift with a plug attached to it.”

“Well, why say they need something like that if they don’t want someone to get it for them?”

“You can get it as a random gift if you want to, or take them to pick one out, but not for holidays. Women, especially moms, want something on those kinds of days that they don’t ask for. Something that’ll make them smile and remind them that you love them. Like a nice night out, or a beautiful piece of jewelry. Something that’s special and unique to them and shows that you took time to pick it out.”

The two were standing and AJ was sliding his shirt on as they moved out of the bathroom and back toward the living room. AJ snorted at Brian’s logic and shook his head, enjoying their playful banter. It made him hopeful that the real Brian wasn’t buried too far underneath the walls that he’d put up.

“Shit, if that’s what they want then why don’t they say it?”

Pausing by the couch, Brian threw AJ an amused look. “And make it simple? Are you kidding me? They like to make us work for it. Means more to them that way.”

AJ threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. “See! This is why I’m glad I’m gay. Guys are so less complicated than chicks.” He scoffed and shook his head. “Something about having a vagina like, throws their brains all backwards. Too fucking confusing.”

Unable to help himself, Brian threw his head back and roared with laughter. It was the first time he’d let out that honest of a laugh in longer than he could remember. Just seeing it, hearing it, had AJ grinning.

“Oh God, Age, only you would say that.”

“Well, tell me it’s not true. Who else but a woman would tell you she wants something, then get mad when you buy it for her cause she wanted you to really go buy her something that she hasn’t told you what it is, but you’re expected to just automatically know what it is and go purchase it? Seriously, where’s the logic in this?”

AJ’s ranting had Brian laughing so hard that he sat down on the couch so he wouldn’t fall over.

“Really now, Bri, that’s just stupid! It’s like me saying ‘hey, I want that new goatee trimmer!” and then getting mad at you cause you didn’t buy me a black fedora with a white band on it. There’s no logic! God, guys are so much easier to understand, and refreshingly straightforward. Well, usually.” AJ leaned against the chair and bit his lip. “Then you get the guys who are a little too feminized, and they’re even worse. A dudes temper and a chicks PMS. That’s a deadly combination.”

“God, Alex! You’re killing me!” Brian gasped out, wiping tears of mirth off his face.

“Yeah, you’ll probably be saying that as we look for the ‘perfect gift’ tomorrow. If I bomb on this one I’m totally taking your ass down with me!”

“The hell you are! It’s your mom. She’d never hurt me.”

Rolling his eyes, AJ had to sigh in defeat. “You’re probably right. She’d never believe that you helped me buy a dumb gift.” He admitted to him. “We’ll just have to be extra careful I guess. After the stove, I think if I got her another stupid gift she’d probably stuff me in that stove and turn it to roast. Trust me, you wouldn’t want cooked AJ.”

“Hell no!” Brian managed to choke out as he finally controlled his laughter. “There’s not enough fat on you! It’d be all tough and chewy.”

AJ pretended mock indignation. “Oh! I see how it is! No concern over me being cooked and eaten, just over how tough I’d taste. I see how it is now. The truth comes out!”

Laughing again, Brian tried to get words out but AJ was cutting him off, moving toward the door. “No, no! Don’t bother backpedaling! You’ve already let the truth slip. I’ll just be taking my chewy ass back to my room now. Maybe if you’re lucky I’ll tenderize the meat before Ma cooks me alive. Might be easier to chew then.”

With Brian laughing fit to burst, AJ took his leave from the room, calling out “I’ll be back when I wake up!”

Almost like old times, AJ heard Brian call out “Thanks for the warning!” before the door shut. A smile curved his lips. That had been one heck of a start.  
   
NEXT PART

AJ lay back on his bunk, staring at the ceiling and wondering at his own sanity. For almost a week straight he had been slowly pulling Brian back out of his hidey hole. It was slow going, and sometimes it took just as much knowledge of when to back away as anything else.

That first day he had gone to Brian’s room to have help with shopping for a mother’s day gift. That had been entertaining, and fun. AJ couldn’t remember the last time that he and Brian had sat and laughed like that for hours on end. Once they’d finally found the right gift, a beautiful handcrafted necklace from a small designer who barely had a webpage, they decided that they didn’t want the day to end. So AJ suggested they sprawl out and watch movies.

So they’d ordered room service and pulled up the movies on pay-per-view and sat down for an afternoon of food and laughter. That night, just as he would with any of the other guys, AJ headed to his room for bedtime.

So started his campaign. Each night they got together for one reason or another, always in the hotel rooms. It was either movies, or flipping on the TV, or card games. Or just grabbing a bite to eat. At first Brian tried to stay aloof, but AJ could see that they were slowly gaining their friendship back, which was what he wanted. But at the same time, he was going slowly insane with wanting the older man. Still, no pain no gain, right?

They’d done three shows so far for the week, two interviews, and a radio show. AJ had to admit that Brian had been right, makeup hated him. But they managed to cover up both his and Nick’s marks.

A sound from the front of the bus drew AJ out of his thoughts. He stared over at the curtain that shielded him from the rest of the bus and had to stifle a sigh.

Traveling was proving interesting. The current bus rotation had Kevin and Brian on one bus, and Nick, Howie, and AJ on the other. Thankfully Nick had been transferred over to Kevin and Brian’s bus. That left AJ with Howie, who avoided him like the plague. Kevin avoided him as well. It was grating, and hurtful, but AJ held his tongue. It was easier if he focused his thoughts on Brian and ignored all else. Then he didn’t have time to hurt so much.

But a part of him really wanted to hop out of his bunk and go confront Howie. They were supposed to be the best of friends. Should his best friend be standing by him right then, supporting him? Not avoiding him as if there was something wrong with him just because he was gay? It was bullshit, that’s what it all was.

Just as he was getting a little heated up, his cell phone vibrated in his pocket, startling him. He pulled it out and wondered if his mom was messaging him again. The first thing he saw on there was Brian’s name. A grin curved AJ’s lips as he pressed the button to open the message. ‘Would you care if our group went down from five to four?’

For a second AJ froze, worried about what that could mean. Was Brian trying to say that he was going to leave the band? Oh God. That couldn’t be it. It had to be something else. He tried to keep calm as he text his reply. ‘That all depends. What’s up, Frickalicious?’

It only took a minute for Brian’s response to come in. ‘If I have 2 listen 2 another discussion from Kev on Frack's behavior at interviews, I’m going2 scream. 1 of them has g2g.’

Oh thank you God! Brian didn’t want to leave. He was just being a smart ass. ‘Fucker. You had me scared there for a sec.’ he sent back. Then he shifted in the bunk, rolling over to his stomach and pulling his pillow under his chest. If this was going to be anything like the old days, Brian could text for hours. Eventually he might end up calling and whispering with him, but he was notorious for playing with his text messages.

Brian: Oh I did? What a shame, Bone…  
AJ: Shove it.  
Brian: why, AJ, I’m shocked! Such vulgarity ;)  
AJ: I’ll show you vulgar, Rok. :D  
Brian: Put your evil mind to work n help me figure out a way to shut these 2 up!  
AJ: Kevin lecturing Nick? Yeah right. :|  
Brian: come on!! Plz!!!  
AJ: SIGH  
AJ: put some sleeping pills in their coffee that’ll shut em up  
Brian: Thought of that. I don’t have any. :(  
AJ: Pit stop in like twenty, I think  
Brian: well, u think maybe D might switch buses w/ me?

Shock had AJ gaping at his phone. Brian was asking to trade over and come on his bus? Holy shit! That was a big step on Brian’s part. AJ text him back with a quick ‘Let me ask’. Then he started to launch up, succeeding in knocking his head on the ceiling of his bunk. Cursing loudly he rolled sideways and cradled his head, his blankets tangling around his waist. The next thing he knew he was rolling out the edge of the bunk, blankets wrapped around him, and landing with a loud thump on the ground.

Howie jumped to his feet, ready to rush back and see what was going on. One look at AJ lying in the middle of the hallway, Howie wasn’t able to resist laughing. “Holy shit, J!” he chortled, coming over to help him climb to his feet. “None of us have done that in years!”

“Yeah, yeah.” AJ grumbled, still rubbing the back of his head. “I just popped my head up and didn’t pay enough attention. Look, I wanted to talk to you anyways.”

A funny look crossed Howie’s face before he answered. “Sure, Age. What’s up?”

AJ took a deep breath and pushed down the hurt and the anger that wanted to come out in the face of Howie’s obvious problems with even talking to him. This was more important than any of that. “Rok was texting me and wants to know if you mind switching for a bit at the next pit stop. He’s bored out of his mind over there.”

It was painful how quickly Howie agreed to it. Trying not to think on it, AJ went back into his bunk while Howie gathered up his stuff. Quickly AJ sent off his text, saying ‘He said it’s cool. See u in the store’ and then waited for the driver to call out for the pit stop.

When they finally reached it, parked outside of a Wal-Mart, AJ practically flew inside of the store. There were some things he wanted to do and Kevin was notorious for forcing them to hurry through a pit stop. He would have them paged over the intercom if he wasn’t fast enough.

The others were already in the store. AJ caught sight of Brian and gave him a wide, goofy grin. He jogged over to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, still grinning. “I’m totally stealing Brian.” He told Kevin and Nick who were standing there. He was in too good a mood to let the problems with the other two stress him out. Plus, they were in public. None of them would ruin their image in public. Bad behavior was saved for private times.

“You’re stealing me, huh?” Brian teased him. With a grin he tilted his head to look at AJ out of the corner of his eyes. For just a split second AJ felt the wind get knocked out of him. God! Brian was just a naturally good looking person. AJ was used to that. But sometimes he’d get these little looks, or this certain sparkle in his eyes, and it was like a fist to AJ’s gut.

There was barely a pause before AJ managed to recover. He laughed and moved his hand, taking hold of Brian’s arm. With a tug he took off jogging, forcing Brian to follow him. “Let’s get some snacks before the old man makes us get back on the bus!”

Instead of forcing him to slow down as the others might have, or rolling his eyes at AJ’s random goofiness, Brian grinned and shot off with him.

Laughing like loons, the two men wove through the midafternoon crowd and headed directly toward the snack aisle. Somewhere along the way Brian had snagged a basket and the two proceeded to fill it with chips and dips and other assorted foods. Once they had it full they started to weave their way back toward the front.

AJ spotted something along the way and couldn’t resist darting between some shelves. He heard Brian’s laugh follow him but he was on a mission. A minute later he emerged with a brown plaid fedora in one hand, a brown cowboy hat in the other, and a black cowboy hat on his head. He put the brown cowboy hat on Brian’s head and grinned at him. “There.” He declared, stepping back. “You look sexy as hell now.”

A blush stained Brian’s cheeks. AJ could see that the compliment both pleased and flustered Brian. But he recovered after a second, hiding behind humor. “You saying I wasn’t sexy before?”

“Shit, Bri. Stupid question.”

The two were grinning as they paid for their items.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian nervously threw his bag down on the ground of AJ and Howie’s bus. At the time it had seemed like such a good idea to come over here and room with AJ. There was no one he currently got along with better than AJ. No one who understood him the same way. Around AJ he didn’t have to pretend that everything was ok. Sure, he hadn’t told his friend what was going on, but he knew that something had happened. It allowed Brian the freedom to be himself.

Another part of it that he barely wanted to admit to was that he enjoyed watching AJ. Being with him. Listening to him talk. Hell, anything about him. They were starting to get a deeper friendship with one another, which was something that Brian loved. But it also scared him. He didn’t know if he wanted to ever become that close to someone ever again.

Being around AJ was like a drug. Brian enjoyed every minute of it. Being in AJ’s company was like being high; happy and carefree and just an all-around good time. But then when he wasn’t with him, he was all Brian could think about. That was dangerous.

Once before someone had meant that much to him. They had meant the world to one another. Yet the time span of a single day had changed it all. Changed his very future. Not just that, but the core of who he was. Brian no longer felt like himself. More like a shell of his former self. The outside did all the appropriate things, but what was inside was just pain and heartache and fear.

If he trusted AJ, would they end up the same way? Would AJ end up betraying him too? That thought was devastating. He couldn’t handle it if that happened. But no, AJ would never deliberately hurt him. Then again, he had never thought that the other one would hurt him either. Look where he was now.

A knuckle came under Brian’s chin, pulling him from his thoughts and tipping his head up. There before him was AJ, love reflected in his eyes so bright that Brian felt it reach down inside of him. He looked so handsome standing there staring at him with that cowboy hat still perched on his head. “Don’t go chasing maybes and what-if’s.” AJ spoke softly and slowly. “No two situations or people are the same. I’m not him, Bri. I’m me. One of these days you’ll see that, and you’ll look at me without this distrust in your gaze.”

Shame filled Brian at hearing that his feelings had leaked into his eyes. “I don’t mean to hurt you. It’s not just you that I have trust problems with.” He whispered. Part of him wanted to look away, to hang his head in embarrassment, but something in AJ’s eyes held him in place.

“I know, querido. I can wait. For you, I can be patient.” AJ moved his hand so that instead of tipping Brian’s head up, he was cupping his cheek. Neither noticed as the bus started to move. “I love you. Nothing is going to change that.”

Staring into AJ’s eyes, Brian knew that he wouldn’t be able to walk away. If he got hurt in the end, as he inevitably would, then so be it. But for now, for this time, he wanted to be around someone who he knew loved him. To be wrapped in that love and that trust and pretend, just for a little while, that he deserved it.

NEXT PART

For the duration of the bus ride the two men simply settled in the media room and watched movies. At one point Brian pulled out his game system and they played a racing game, one of the only ones that AJ would ever really play. It was just hitting night time when they arrived in their next city. While checking in to the hotel, AJ realized that he didn’t even know what city they were in. The thought amused him. He never kept track of where they were going. At each new place he always ended up asking someone which city they were in.

There wasn’t a show that night, so all the guys ended up checking into their rooms and passing out. The next morning started bright and early with a radio show, followed by an interview for an early morning talk show. AJ played his part, pretending there was nothing wrong between him and the others. No one outside of their circle would have ever guessed that there was any kind of tension.

But to AJ it was so obvious that he wondered how others didn’t seem to notice it. Howie and Kevin talked normally with everyone, but they avoided direct physical contact with AJ if it was possible. There wasn’t the usual touching and hugging that others saw with them. Nick stayed as far from AJ as possible, which was really a good plan. But he put on the chipper face that the public was used to seeing.

Brian was the one that amazed him the most of all. How could people not see that there was something going on with him? His eyes didn’t have their usual sparkle. They were dull. Sure, he smiled, and he laughed and told his usual jokes, but there wasn’t really much emotion behind it.

When they were alone, though, the real Brian was starting to come out, pain and all. It humbled AJ to realize that he was the only one that Brian gave these random bits of insight to.

A week went by of all of them just going about their business, and of AJ and Brian hanging out more and more in their private time. Sometimes they didn’t really talk with one another. Brian would read a book and AJ would fiddle on his laptop. But they spent the time together. Once Brian had even been the one to come knock on AJ’s door.

From behind his shades AJ looked around Kevin’s hotel room. At the moment they were all sitting in there with a few people from the press, ready to give out some small interviews. Discuss the tour and answer some of their questions. Cameras were set up here and there, ready to film what they would need. Kevin sat at the table in the dining room area with Howie. Nick was at the couch, and Brian was in the kitchen making coffee and talking to one of the interviewers.

AJ had snuck out to the balcony for a cigarette. He was perched in one of the patio chairs, smoking and watching everyone through the window, fiddling with his cellphone. A grin curved his lips as he watched Brian bend over to pick something up off the floor. Mm, even from a distance the man had a nice ass. Especially in those nice black slacks he was wearing.

God, he had never met anyone who could pull off the slacks and dress shirt look quite like Brian could. Every time AJ saw him dressed like that for interviews he wanted to lean over and start nibbling. Add on that he was, yet again, wearing the hat that AJ had bought him and, well, he was drool worthy. Another reason he was out here smoking. He was supposed to be getting his thoughts under control so he didn’t embarrass himself in front of their interviewers.

The cellphone in his hand buzzed, startling him enough that he almost dropped his cigarette. After shaking his head at his own stupidity, AJ flipped it open. There was a message from Brian. His eyes darted up, catching as Brian leaned against the kitchen counter, sipping at his coffee and smiling lightly to himself. The woman he’d been speaking to had moved away.

‘U know that shits bad for ur health, right?’

Oh God, leave it to Brian to lecture him via text messaging. AJ deliberately took a drag, looking right at Brian as he blew the smoke out. Then he typed his response. ‘U know u can shove it up your ass, right?’

He watched as Brian discreetly opened his cellphone, and then as he muffled a chuckle. A minute later his reply came in. AJ flicked his ashes and opened up the new message. ‘Don’t you wish, boy.’

Holy shit. Brian was flirting with him! AJ resisted looking up, resisted moving in any way but casual. Brian was flirting with him! That was a huge step for them. A huge step on Brian’s part. How AJ responded to it would be important. It could set the tone for how things would go later on.

Part of AJ thrilled at the idea of Brian flirting with him. The other part knew that Brian could just be testing himself, trying to find a way out of the darkness and pain and felt safe doing it with AJ. It didn’t necessarily mean that he was serious. But a guy could hope.

He put his smoke in his mouth and typed back to him. ‘Like I’ll tell you my fantasies! Those are private, u know!’

Watching as he was, AJ saw the grin that flickered over Brian’s lips when he read his newest message. Then he saw Kevin walk over and strike up conversation. Feeling particularly impish, AJ set off another text message, wondering if Brian would read it. ‘Tell your cousin that he needs to take the weed whacker to his eyebrows again, they’re getting outta control!’

To AJ’s surprise he saw Brian open his phone and read his message even as he was talking to Kevin. A startled laugh interrupted whatever Brian was saying. Since he couldn’t hear them, AJ was just watching the show. So he watched as Brian waved at Kevin, probably telling him not to worry about why he’d laughed. A minute later AJ’s phone buzzed.

‘I always thought they looked more like caterpillars when I was little.’

Laughing out loud, AJ set to make a response, but someone stepped onto the patio and snagged him. It was his turn for his part of the interview.

All morning, though, he couldn’t get out of his mind that Brian had flirted with him. That was an important step. Did that mean that it was time to start stepping up his own game? To up the ante just a little? So far he’d played the friend, and worked on rebuilding their friendship. But his plan was to court Brian. That took more than some video games and a few movie nights.

On that note, AJ started to plan.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That night everyone was exhausted when they came back to the hotel. Brian found himself yawning on his way up the elevator. He was by himself, as the others were still outside signing autographs. Usually he stayed out with them all, but he’d been fighting to keep his eyes open for quite a while and he just couldn’t win anymore. The night before had been a long one, and he hadn’t slept for most of it. Add on the interviews and the show from the day and he just didn’t have much energy left to do more than head to his room.

He yawned again as the doors opened. Walking down the hallway he fished his keycard from his pocket. He barely paid any attention as he opened the door and went inside. Not even bothering to flick a light on, he stumbled back toward the bedroom after locking his door behind him. In there he turned on the small lamp and then turned to toss his keys on the dresser.

It was then he caught sight of it. Just barely lit from the open door, Brian saw something sitting on the coffee table in the living area. Curiosity had him heading out and flicking the light on. What on earth? The smell surrounded him even as his brain registered what he saw. Without realizing it, Brian found himself smiling widely.

There, on the coffee table, was a large vase of flowers. Their smell was filling the hotel room. He walked over and squatted down to get a better view. All of the flowers were the kind you would find down south. Camellias, magnolias, jasmine, gardenias, crepe myrtle, and hibiscus. It was like a little taste of home right there in his hotel room.

A card sat propped up against the vase. Without looking at it Brian knew who had sent these to him. His heart knew it the instant he had seen them.

Picking up the card with shaking fingers, Brian turned it over to read the message.

Just to see you smile, I’d do anything, that you wanted me to. When all is said and done, I’ll never count the cost; it’s worth all that’s lost, just to see you smile. 

Hope this made you smile, Brian. I love you. – Alex

The first part was a lyric from a Tim McGraw song, one that Brian loved. The fact that AJ remembered that, and that he had thought to do this, had tears in Brian’s eyes.

Squatting there in the living area of his hotel room, Brian buried his face in the flowers and inhaled their scent as tears poured from his eyes and a smile lit up his face.  
   
NEXT PART

The next morning, for the first time in way too long, Brian woke easily and peacefully. He stretched his arms up above his head, smiling at the morning light that filtered through the windows. Almost instantly his eyes went to the nightstand by the bed where he had put his flowers before he’d fallen asleep. The sight of them had his smile growing bigger.

They had been such a surprise. A pleasant one. Who but AJ would have known to get him these kinds of flowers? The kind that made him think of moments in his childhood, moments that made him smile both inside and out. Or who else would have thought of putting that song lyric, from one of his favorite songs, in the card.

The card was propped against the vase so that he could see it perfectly. Rolling over on his stomach, Brian pulled the pillow under his chin and just looked at them. Reread the car over and over again. It made his heart stutter a little to see those three important words at the end. I love you. Not with fear, as he had the first time that AJ had said them to him. But with a kind of thrill.

How many times had AJ said, to any one of them, that he loved them? Yet Brian couldn’t, wouldn’t, pretend to himself that it was the same. The way that AJ said those words to him had a whole different meaning. A kind of meaning that seemed to warm parts of Brian’s heart. He had come to the realization that, whether he wanted it or not, AJ loved him. It wasn’t something that he could change. A part of him didn’t want to change it either.

Sometimes he still couldn’t believe that AJ was even gay. The consummate ladies’ man, a homosexual? It almost seemed ludicrous. Add on to it that it was him, Brian, that he loved and well, he almost couldn’t wrap his brain around it.

A part of him still screamed that this was stupid. He was letting himself get entangled in something that could hurt him. Those wounded places inside of him weren’t healed. If he trusted AJ and there ended up being pain, it would shatter him. Not only that, but he had the band to think about. All of their futures. Could he let this progress, knowing that it could ruin them all?

Looking at the flowers, at the card with that sweet song lyric, Brian knew the answer. He was already in too deep. There was no way he was going to be able to back away. AJ had somehow managed to get under his defenses and was managing to worm his way in deeper every day.

What was he going to say to him? Should he acknowledge the flowers and thank him? If he did, it would have to be away from everyone else. The last thing he needed was to have the others wondering why AJ had sent him flowers. There was no way in hell he was ready to tell them about his sexuality.

Sighing, Brian sat up. He was dwelling on things too much, he knew that. It was a problem he had always had, and it had been worse since, well, since what had happened. Even in his own mind he shied away from thinking about it.

Determination filled Brian as he moved to get ready for the day. He was not going to let his thoughts linger on the how and why and what-ifs. For once he was just going to enjoy a gift in the spirit that it was given.

Without realizing it, he was humming and smiling as he hopped into the shower.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Curled up on the couch of his tour bus, AJ looked out the tinted windows and had to smile. His thoughts weren’t on the fans that were screaming outside, or on their destination. They were on Brian. Things had been so hectic getting ready to get on the busses that he hadn’t had a chance to see him yet, and to see if he had liked his gift.

He knew that, eventually, Brian would come to him. Even if it was just to say thank you. His manners would dictate that. But AJ was anxious to see his eyes as he said it, and see if he had really enjoyed it. God, he hoped so.

This was just the first on a list of things that AJ wanted to do. He had thought long and hard about all of it, and planned things as best as he could. Campaign ‘Court Brian’ was under full swing. This was going to be one of the hardest, and the most enjoyable things he had ever done. But it was so worth it.

Sometimes he still couldn’t believe that Brian, his sweet Brian, was gay. Or that he was allowing him to do this. For a long time AJ had wanted his southern friend, but had been convinced that the effort wouldn’t be worthwhile. That Brian was as straight as they came. Now he knew differently, and was free to act on it. Not only free, but given permission! It was a heady sensation.

Out of the corner of his eye AJ noticed Howie moving around in the kitchen even as the bus started up and prepared to leave. He sighed. If only everything else in his life was as happy as what he had with Brian.

The band couldn’t continue on this way. Not with this kind of strain on them all. Pretty soon the fans, the press, would begin to notice the tension between them.

He had to fix it. Unfortunately he wasn’t quite sure how to do it. He couldn’t force tolerance down their throats. That had to be something that came from within them all. But leaving it alone, and waiting for one of them to start to thaw toward him, obviously wasn’t working. So, he was going to have to take matters into his own hands. As usual.

Before he could lose courage, he called out “Hey, D! You got a minute?”

There was a split second hesitation before Howie answered with “Yeah. Let me serve up my coffee.”

“Good, you can bring me a cup too.”

The cockiness of AJ’s voice had Howie responding as he once would have. He threw a wry look over his shoulder. “What, your legs break when I wasn’t looking?” he said sarcastically. Even as he spoke he was pouring a second cup for AJ.

AJ shifted his position on the couch so that he was facing toward the other one. “Yep. I’m helpless, D. Don’t leave a bro hanging here.” That got the expected laugh from Howie. For a moment it was almost like things were normal. Then Howie brought his coffee over and handed it to him, and AJ saw the discomfort leap back into his eyes.

He waited until Howie was seated opposite him on the other couch before he decided to speak. As usual, he was blunt and to the point. “This shit has got to be resolved, Howie. Y’all avoid me like I’ve contracted some contagious disease. Gayness doesn’t rub off on you, you know.”

For just a second the corner of Howie’s mouth quirked. Then he sighed and stared in his coffee cup. “I know, Age. It’s just; it’s hard for me to comprehend. Hell, it’s like overnight you suddenly changed on me. I don’t know how to act around you anymore.”

This was why he had chosen Howie to talk to first. Years of being best friends left them comfortable enough with one another that they didn’t have to mince words or play little manners games. They didn’t beat around the bush. It was one reason that they were best friends; their ability to always talk to one another.

“I’m still me. Being attracted to men doesn’t change who I am. Does it really make that big a difference that I prefer dick over pussy?”

Howie choked slightly on his coffee, almost spitting it back into his cup. He coughed for a second, banging his chest to force the drink to go down. When he could breathe normally again he glared at AJ. “Geeze, could you be any more vulgar?”

Smirking, AJ took a sip. “Probably, if I tried. Usually it just comes naturally.”

“No shit?” Sighing, Howie sat back against the couch. The guard was gone from his eyes for the first time since the truth had come out. He wore his usual friendly expression. “Your sexual preferences really don’t make that big a deal to me, Age. Really they don’t. Like I said, it was more that you just suddenly changed on me, and I didn’t know how to react. Add on that I kind of felt betrayed that you didn’t come and tell me. Did you think me so shallow that you thought I’d stop being your friend if I found out you were gay?”

AJ stared at him for a moment, flabbergasted. He hadn’t thought of how this had made Howie feel in terms of friendship. As usual he spoke before he even finished thinking. “A little bit.”

“Gee thanks.” Howie said sardonically. “Such faith you have in me.”

“Sorry, D. At first I was afraid, I’ll admit it. Not just of you, but of everyone finding out. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, falling in love and not being able to tell anyone. Then, not having those feelings returned, I just thought, what was the point of telling anyone? The only man I wanted and I knew I couldn’t have him, so why get everyone up in arms about me being gay when it wasn’t really going to go anywhere?”

“You fell in love?” Howie asked him gently.

AJ’s eyes clouded over as he thought of that first day, that first moment, when he had finally accepted the feelings of love and desire in him for Brian. The way he had felt when he had admitted it to himself, and when he had acknowledged that he would never have him. How far he had come since then! “I do. But who it is isn’t important.”

The look that Howie gave him was the same one his friend had been giving for years. It said he was interested, but he would respect what AJ said and not nag. Another reason AJ loved him. “But what about Nick? I mean, for him to be like that, you must have told him. That hurt, too. That you could tell Nick of all people, but not me.”

Gripping his mug with one hand, AJ automatically reached out with his other to grip Howie’s knee. He couldn’t stand that his friend was hurting for this reason. “D, it wasn’t like that. He guessed. I didn’t go and tell him. He guessed it all on his own. I wouldn’t do that to you. The only person I’d come out to before this was my Ma. I planned on coming out to you next, but I hadn’t got the balls to do it yet. You have to know I’d tell you before I’d tell Nick.”

The smile that bloomed over Howie’s face chased away the last of the tension between them. There wasn’t a wall between them anymore. Once again they were just best friends, sitting with one another. Howie didn’t even flinch at having AJ’s hand on his knee. He reached down and patted it. “Thank you, AJ.”

“Thank you for understanding. I couldn’t bear to lose you as a friend. You’re the best friend a guy could have, Howard.”

The use of Howie’s full first name had both of them smiling. “You too, Alexander.” He teased him back. The two sat back again, drinking their coffee.

Just as AJ settled in to the couch, getting all relaxed, Howie stood up. “Now, I had the room next to Kevin last night, and he had a girl there. So I didn’t get much sleep. Now that we’ve got this out of the way, I’m going to take a nap.”

“Ok, one, gross. Two, sleep away old man.”

Howie stuck his tongue out at AJ as he put his cup in the sink. He started to move down the hallway, but paused right by the bunk area, turning to look back. He called AJ’s name, catching his attention. When AJ looked at him, Howie gave him a big smile. “Brian’s one lucky guy.” He said softly. “I hope he realizes that.”

That said, he climbed inside of his bunk, leaving AJ staring after him, speechless. Then he did the only thing he could do. He threw his head back and laughed.  
   
NEXT PART

AJ didn’t get the chance to see Brian again until they arrived at the next hotel. He’d slept his way through the pit stop, so he’d missed seeing him there. Hell, he’d barely woken up to get his bag and climb off the bus. Thank God they were at the entrance inside the parking garage. It made it easier to get in without the crowds of girls clamoring over to them.

Yawning, AJ stumbled his way off the bus. He rubbed at his bleary eyes and adjusted the headphones he’d fallen asleep wearing. Music still played in his ears. What it was he didn’t even remember and couldn’t get his brain to register. Who cared?

Howie passed him by, bumping his arm and chuckling as he headed toward the front desk. AJ just grumbled and kept stumbling along. If he had things his way he’d go straight upstairs after getting his key and go to bed.

He barely registered as Howie came over and gave him his key and told him his room number. Then his best friend was leading him toward the elevator. God bless Howie. The man knew him perfectly, and knew that he was still mostly asleep.

Inside the elevator AJ leaned in the corner, letting his head rest against the wall. He rubbed at his eyes again, trying to chase the crusty feeling away. Vaguely he heard others step in, and voices talking, but he paid no attention.

There was a dinging sound, and someone took hold of his hand, leading him out. Assuming it was Howie, AJ leaned his head over to rest it on his shoulder as he let out another yawn. God Almighty he was freaking tired. He’d spent most of his nights lately thinking about Brian. It was wonderful, but not very conducive to sleep.

When his head lay against his friends shoulder he felt an arm come up in response, letting go of his hand to wrap around his shoulders. AJ didn’t question it and snuggled in. About the time they reached his door was when he realized that it wasn’t Howie leading him. Wrong height, wrong build. Hell, even a different smell. That was a cologne he would recognize instantly. At least, when he was more awake. This was Brian.

He didn’t say anything. Simply let Brian take his key and open his door and then lead him into the room. Once he was in AJ let his bag drop off his shoulder and allowed Brian to lead him back to the bedroom. Honestly, it was making him even more tired, knowing that it was Brian. His body seemed to sigh into the other man and grow more relaxed with his presence.

Brian gently led him to the bed and pulled the sheets back. Then he sat AJ down before squatting to take his shoes off. AJ opened sleepy eyes, unable to stop his smile as he looked down at the top of Brian’s curly head. “What’re you doing?” he mumbled out. The words didn’t sound as clear as he’d hoped for.

Looking up, Brian flashed him a grin so happy and so sweet that it rocked AJ back for a second. “What does it look like, Age? I’m getting your shoes off so you don’t dirty the bed.”

He couldn’t really speak. Who could, faced with that devastating smile and those bright eyes. God, Brian was beautiful. At first AJ didn’t realize that he’d said that out loud. But Brian had finished with his shoes by then, and he looked up at him with a sparkle to his eyes and a shy smile. His cheeks had a little bit of color to them. “You think so?” he asked AJ quietly.

Shit. He had said it out loud. Well, hell, it was worth it to have Brian looking at him like that. Pleased, and flattered, even if he did look a little doubtful.

Waking up slightly, AJ gave him a warm smile. This was a moment that called for honesty and bluntness. He let his eyes drift over Brian’s face and body before coming back up to his eyes. “Oh yeah. I love your curls, Bri. I’ve always wanted to just run my fingers through them.”

Brian brought a hand up and touched at a curl by his ear, his smile growing a little, his blush getting a little deeper. AJ stifled a groan and continued to talk.

“When you blush like that, it makes my heart race. You have the most beautiful face I’ve ever seen. Hell, I even like the lines around your mouth and eyes that show how much you love to smile and laugh. You have gorgeous blue eyes that are like looking into the ocean. Your lips, well, we won’t go there. They make me think naughty things that I probably shouldn’t be saying to you.”

“Really?” The surprise in Brian’s voice was what did AJ in. He groaned.

“God, yeah, Brian. You have a mouth made to be kissed. Anybody with a pulse would wonder what it’s like to kiss you.”

To the shock of both of them, Brian asked him “Then why haven’t you tried?”

AJ reached up and pulled his headphones off, his eyes staying locked on to Brian’s. Had he really just heard him say that? He saw the nerves flash in Brian’s eyes, but then something in them firmed, almost as if he had made a decision and was not going to be swayed from it. “Do you want me to kiss you, Brian?” He asked, his voice still raspy from sleep.

As if he couldn’t find the words he wanted, Brian gave a small, barely perceptible nod. Every part of AJ suddenly came on alert.

He brought one of his hands to Brian’s face, gently cupping his cheek. This was going to be their first kiss, and AJ wanted to make it something special. He felt the slight tremor in his hand and wished that he could still it. God, he’d wanted to do this for so long! To think that Brian was here, right now, still kneeling before him, and looking up at him with trust in those beautiful blues. It was amazing.

Ever so gently he bent down until their faces were close. He watched Brian’s eyes slide shut on a soft breath. AJ brought his other hand up so that Brian’s face was framed beneath him. For just a moment he studied the features that he loved so much. Then he couldn’t resist anymore.

He leaned in, letting their lips barely touch, just brushing them against one another. Getting the feel of each other. Then he pressed their lips against one another, kissing him so sweetly and with all the love in his heart. Brian’s hands came up, resting lightly on his wrists, not pulling him back but more holding on as the kiss took them both under.

It was heaven. Brian had the softest, most delicious lips of anyone that AJ had ever kissed. He pulled back, and then pressed in again. He felt Brian sigh into him, his lips relaxing open slightly, and couldn’t resist letting his tongue out to trace the curve of that bottom lip, tasting him.

Much to his shock he felt Brian’s tongue quest out, brushing against his own. AJ moaned into their kiss and fully gave himself over to it. With lips and tongues they touched and tasted and teased until they were forced to pull back and draw air.

Still holding Brian’s face between his hands, their faces only a few inches apart, AJ watched as Brian slowly opened his eyes. There was nothing in them but desire and not a love, not yet, but a caring. A start of love. There were none of the shadows that usually sat there. It was such an open expression and it left AJ feeling about ten feet tall. “It was better than I ever imagined it would be.” He told Brian softly.

The corners of Brian’s mouth curved, his lips still slightly swollen from their kiss. It made AJ want to lean in and taste again, and continue tasting and kissing and love until there was nothing left between them. But he knew that this wasn’t the time. He had to take things slow with Brian. He was too important to mess things up with.

“You amaze me, Alex. You touch me in places I thought were dead.”

There was nothing that he could say to that. After a moment Brian smiled and stood, taking hold of AJ’s hands and holding them in his own for a moment. “I wanted to come in here to tell you thank you for the flowers. For thinking of me and knowing what I would like.”

Almost hesitantly Brian let go of AJ’s hand and brought his own up to smooth down some of AJ’s flyaway hair.

“You’re welcome, Brian. I just wanted to make you smile.” AJ admitted softly to him. Neither was talking very loudly. The mood of the room seemed to call for quietness and gentleness.

Leaning in, Brian pressed a soft kiss to AJ’s forehead. “That’s what made them so special.” He whispered against his skin.

Reluctantly the two let go of one another. Brian gestured AJ down, and then surprised him by sweetly tucking him into the bed. He brushed the hair back from AJ’s face and smiled down at him. “Get some sleep, Alex. I’ll wake you up later before we have to go.”

On quite feet Brian moved toward the door, shutting off the light as he went. Just as he started to shut the door he paused, turning to look back at the bed. “Alex?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

AJ lifted his head a little. “For what?”

For just a second some of the pain flashed back in Brian’s face. “For caring about me enough to be patient. I know I’m not the easiest person right now, and I know you don’t understand why I am the way I am. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to give you what you want. But you still try, and you make me feel almost special again. You haven’t given up on me.”

AJ pulled himself up on one elbow. “I’ll listen to you if you ever want to tell me, but I won’t push you for your story. Your pain is your own unless you choose to share it. You’re not difficult for me, Bri. I’m always going to be there for you, however you need me to be. I told you I wouldn’t give up on you, and I meant it. As for giving me what I want, well, what I want is simple. I just want you to be happy.”

Even in the dark room AJ could see the tears glistening in trails down Brian’s cheeks. “I think you actually mean that.” He whispered in a voice hoarse with emotion. “And that means more to me than you’ll ever know. I could easily come to love you, if I let myself. Sometimes I think I already do, and that terrifies me.”

On those cryptic words, Brian shut the door and headed out to the main door and then out of the hotel room. Once AJ heard the second door shut he flopped back on the pillows, his brain reeling. Jesus, that man could tangle him in knots. AJ wished he knew what had hurt him so much that he was terrified of love. He wished he could hold him and chase it away.

The only thing he could do was what he was currently doing. Smiling to himself, AJ thought about what else he had planned as he drifted off to sleep.  
   
NEXT PART

The hotel that they were at actually was where they got to take a three day break. The only thing they had to do during that break was one single interview. It was mid tour and there was always a small few days break planned around then to ease up the tension for the guys.

AJ woke up on the first day of his break with more energy than he usually did. The show the night before had been awesome, and the movie afterwards with Brian in his room had been even better .The best part had been the kiss goodnight. Brian had let AJ kiss him before heading out of the room and back to his own.

Now that Howie and AJ were talking again, more of the tension had eased among the group. AJ and Howie and Brian were all talking fine, and Brian and Kevin were talking ok, as were Kevin and Nick and Howie and Nick, but neither AJ nor Brian had come around to talking to Nick yet.

Thinking that in his head as he got dressed, AJ had to grin. That sounded absolutely insane. Complicated, too. At that moment he didn’t really care. They had a free day, and he wasn’t planning on wasting a single moment of their time. Especially not worrying over everyone and their varying degrees of homophobia.

Right now he focused on the good stuff. Three days of free time! He’d built himself some flexible plans. Plans, of course, that dealt with Brian. Flexible, though, so if Brian had something he wanted to do, AJ could just change his own around.

So once he had clothes on he headed out from his room, headphones in and hat pulled low. Somehow, against all odds, he managed to not only sneak out of the hotel, but go down to Starbucks and get two coffees and get back inside the hotel without fans spotting him. That only increased his goofy mood.

Practically bouncing from all his energy, AJ tripped coming out of the elevator and almost managed to spill the two coffees. If it hadn’t have been for Howie being right there, he would have. His best friend helped steady him with a laugh. “Shit, J, you almost bathed me in hot coffee. What’s got you rushing around?” Howie teased once AJ was steady again.

“Not rushing.” AJ flashed him a grin and did a little half a jig. “Energy. I’ve got energy.”

“How many of those coffees have you had already?”

Laughter echoed down the hallway. AJ couldn’t help it. It felt so good to be teasing with his best friend again, and to not have that tension there. He gave Howie his widest, most innocent grin. “Honestly? None. But I’m about to drink the shit out of this mocha!”

“Hopefully it doesn’t mess up your balance even more. Don’t trip on any more shadows, Age.”

Pretending mock indignation, AJ glared at him. “I am totally balanced. I’m a freaking ninja, D.” he insisted. It didn’t faze Howie at all. He simply leaned against the wall and smirked at AJ. “Yeah, J, that’s why I had to catch you before you crashed into me.”

“That was a fluke! I’ve got total balance! I could do flips around this place and not fall on my ass. You should know that. I used to do that shit all the time.”

“When you were younger. I don’t know anymore, man.” Howie shook his head sympathetically. “You are getting older and shit.”

AJ scowled at Howie and handed him both coffees. Next he toed off his shoes to put them against the wall. He ignored the others who gathered in the hall; Kevin, Nick, Brian, their security Marcus, and Steve. He focused on tightening his belt and tucking in the front of his shirt. Then he gave Howie one more glare.

“Round off back handspring.” Was all Howie said. The twinkle in his eye had AJ chuckling.

Looking down the long hallway, AJ took a deep breath, loosened his muscles up as he backed up slightly, and then he was running forward. He dropped his lower half and twisted so that he was facing away from Howie with his legs in the air. He dropped his feet down, raised his top half, and proceeded to do a few backflips down the hallway, finally landing with a hop and his arms up in the air.

Applause broke out down the hallway. With a grin, Brian stepped up beside AJ and made a gesture. The two grinned and then shot off, repeating the process, but this time with Brian by his side. They landed together near Howie, red in the face from chuckling as they did it.

Brian put his hands on the ground and kicked his legs up before starting to walk around on his hands, much to the amusement of others. AJ did as well, walking on his hands for a few before stopping and doing a few pushups with his body straight lined upwards. Naturally, Brian had to do the same beside him.

It was Howie who came over and started counting as Kevin and Nick cheered and thumped on the sidelines. Blood rushed to AJ’s head when Howie hit “Ten! Eleven! Twelve! Thirteen!” By the count of ‘twenty’ AJ couldn’t do it. He folded down, letting his body flop to the ground as the blood rushed back to the rest of his body.

Two pushups later, Brian joined him, panting and laughing. “I won.” He announced, so out of breath he almost couldn’t speak.

AJ smacked the back of his hand against Brian’s stomach. “Shit, Littrell. You’re a fucking monkey. It doesn’t count.”

“The hell it doesn’t. I’m just more athletic than your scrawny ass.”

AJ sat up, taking Howie’s hand to assist him as he climbed the rest of the way to his feet. “Fuck that shit. Be nice to my ‘scrawny ass’ or you won’t get the coffee I brought you.” He taunted Brian, holding a hand out to help him up.

Amusement was bright on Brian’s face. “Coffee? Well, why didn’t you say so?” Halfway to his feet Brian let himself drop so that he was on his knees before AJ. “Oh great athletic and muscular AJ, might I humbly beg thee for a spot of delicious coffee?”

The hall echoed with everyone’s laughter. AJ took the coffees from Howie, handing over the one for Brian. “Here, you nerd. Get up.” He pulled Brian up to his feet, the both of them grinning like lunatics. The look that Howie gave AJ was full of humor and understanding as his eyes drifted between them.

“So,” AJ sipped on his coffee, ignoring the others that started to mill around them. “What’re you doing today?”

Brian took a drink of his coffee, smiling as he tasted it and realized that AJ had even remembered the way he liked his coffee. “That depends.” He said suddenly, riding off instinct.

“Oh yeah? On what?”

“On what you’re doing.”

The two smiled and shared a look together. AJ knew then that his plans for the day were perfect. He looked at Brian from head to toe. “Well, why don’t you go put on some blue jeans and tennis shoes, maybe a hat, and we’ll go find out.”

No one else was paying attention to them, so no one saw the sparks that danced between them. Brian briefly touched AJ’s hand before heading to do as asked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thirty minutes later Brian stared that the lights and commotion before him. “A carnival? You brought me to a carnival?” he asked in surprise. This had not been what he’d expected from a day with AJ. Movies, yes. Shopping, yes. Going out to eat, yeah. But a carnival? He couldn’t help feeling surprised by it. Pleased, too.

“Yep.” AJ said confidently. He grabbed hold of Brian’s hand and yanked him up toward the ticket counter. “We’re going to forget about our shit today, Rok. Forget about responsibility and problems and people who irritate us. For a while we’re just going to let loose and have some clean, honest fun.”

The idea sounded wonderful. Brian found himself grinning as AJ bought two bracelets to give them unlimited rides on all the attractions there, as well as a bag full of tokens for the games. After getting the bracelets on they headed out toward the main area. Brian looked around at all the lights and listened to the sounds of families and kids screaming and laughing around them. The smell of fried foods filled the air.

Surrounded by it all, with AJ at his side, Brian gave up the good fight. He took all his troubles, all his problems, and shoved them out of his mind. He didn’t let himself think about what had happened to him, or about the band, or about anything but himself, and the man standing next to him. They weren’t going to be easily recognizable. Both were dressed in simple blue jeans and shirts, AJ’s with longer sleeves to hide his arms. They also both had on their cowboy hats, which helped them blend in with the crowd. Brian found himself feeling happy and content there.

That peaceful feeling stealing over him, Brian pointed to the bumper cars. “Let’s go there!”

“You’re on, sucker.” AJ taunted as, together, the two took off.

They rode rides for the next two hours, laughing and having a jolly time. AJ tried and tried to convince Brian to get on the roller coaster with him, but to no avail. Then, when AJ made to go on by himself, Brian grabbed his arm and begged him not to get on. “They’re death traps, Age!”

“Oh they are not! Look at all those people, B. They rode the thing just fine and survived.”

“Please, just…don’t. Ok?” Brian stared at the coaster as it ran over the tracks and shuddered lightly. No way could he ever get that high up in the air. He’d hurl. Hell, even the thought of AJ up there had his stomach rolling slightly.

Faking a dramatic sigh, AJ flung his arm over Brian’s shoulders. “Fine, fine. For you, I’ll stay on the ground. I guess. You and your goofy fear of heights, my friend. You’ve got to get over it.”

“Oh yeah?” Brian said, slanting him a look from under his hat. Devilishly he pointed around AJ, saying “Look, J! That clowns coming to make balloon animals for us!”

As he’d known would happen, Brian laughed while AJ squealed and jumped to the other side of him, looking where Brian had pointed. When he realized that there was no clown coming, and Brian was bent double laughing, he put his hands on his hips and glared at him. “Oh, very funny you ass. Mock a man’s fear of clowns.”

“Your face!” was all Brian could gasp out. Then he was doubled over again, holding his hat on his head as he laughed.

AJ rolled his eyes but couldn’t resist smiling. He had wanted to help Brian relax, and so far it was working. “Well if you’re done mocking me, and you won’t let me ride the coaster, can we at least go get some grub?”

Nodding, Brian straightened up, wiping the tears from his eyes as he continued to chuckle. “Sounds good.”  
   
NEXT PART

They settled on grabbing some curly fries and chicken on sticks and settled at one of the picnic tables that were against a stone retaining wall. Brian had attempted to pay for his own food, but AJ had stopped him with a smile. “Today’s my treat, Rok.”

There was no talking over the live band that was playing, but that was ok. They didn’t need to talk. Instead they listened to the music and ate their food side by side. At one point Brian actually scooted closer, feeling brave, and let his hand rest on AJ’s knee. After a moment AJ’s hand dropped down as well to rest on Brian’s knee.

Once the food was gone the two decided to cruise all the little stands that were set up to entice people to buy things. Brian had known that AJ wouldn’t be able to resist shopping in them. So they hit each little one, laughing at the things they came across. AJ bought five new pairs of sunglasses at one little stand. At another Brian found a beautiful cross necklace that he had to buy for himself.

They were passing by a stand of hats, which Brian had thought for sure that AJ would hit, when he saw AJ jump up and point. Then he was pulling him along until they hit one of those stands that airbrush pictures onto t-shirts. “Pick one, Rok!”

For a while the two deliberated amongst the shirts. Finally AJ picked theater masks with the words Laugh Now over the top and Cry Later underneath them. On the front of the shirt the guy airbrushed Alexander where a pocket usually sat. Brian picked out a shirt that was covered in basketballs on the back and they airbrushed B-Rok on the front where the pocket sat.

Then, because neither of them could resist, and the guy didn’t know who they were, they got two tank shirts with the hearts done in dark blues and light blues and had their names put inside. Both men laughed as they left the stand, and AJ ducked alongside the barn and stripped his hat and shirt off before pulling his new ones out of the bag. First he pulled on the tank, and then his other one to cover it up. With a grin of his own Brian stopped and did the same.

Once his B-Rok shirt was on over top his new tank shit, he stuck his hat on his head and gave AJ a wide grin. “We look like dorks.”

“True.” AJ admitted, putting on his own hat. “But, we’re awesome dorks. There’s a difference. Now come on, let’s have a blast!”

Brian could only laugh as AJ took his free hand, the one that wasn’t holding his bag of stuff, and they shot off through the crowd.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The rest of the afternoon was more fun than AJ could remember having in a long time. They went through the barns and saw all the animals. They hit the arts and crafts and admired the things that they saw there. Then they went through another round on the rides.

For a while they stopped and played the games. Brian went to the shooting game and handed over the tokens so he could play. With careful aim he shot down all the targets. AJ whistled appreciatively beside him.

“You want a try?” Brian offered, holding it out to AJ. But AJ just shook his head. “Are you kidding me, Bri? Like I know how to shoot!”

Brian tossed more tokens on the counter even as he chuckled. Then he moved close to AJ, handing him the gun. “It’s easy. Put this hand here, and this hand here.” He got AJ’s hands wrapped around the gun, and then moved behind him, wrapping his arms around AJ’s smaller frame to help him get the gun in position.

Every thought of shooting the gun slid out of AJ’s mind. All he could focus on was the warmth of Brian’s body pressed up against his backside, and those strong arms around him. Every brain cell in his head kind of fizzled and died while all his nerve endings came to life. Brian’s voice was at his ear, directing him as he helped lift the gun right, helped him aim.

Pulling the trigger when told to, AJ couldn’t have said if he hit the targets or not. He didn’t really care, either. Vaguely he heard Brian congratulate him, and the guy at the stand was asking them both what they wanted. Since they’d each won, they each got a small prize. Brian moved away from AJ to take his pick, which left AJ feeling as if he was floundering for a moment, the loss of the sensations actually taking his breath away.

Then Brian put a hand on the small of his back, not even looking in his direction, just letting it sit there while he picked a prize for both of them. They got stuffed monkeys that their hands Velcro together so they could hang from something. Brian hooked his around the brim of his hat, and then did the same with AJ’s.

AJ’s grin was a mile wide.

For a while longer they played the games, but the sky was starting to darken. Both were reluctant to leave, not wanting to give up they day. It had been beautiful, and more fun than they’d had in a long time. A step away from being AJ Mclean and Brian Littrell. For the day they had simply been Brian and Alex, friends who were starting something more, enjoying a date at the carnival like anyone else in the world.

Finally though they knew they had to head back. First they each bought a snow cone from the stand on their way out. Since the evening was nice they decided to take the carnivals trolley down to Main Street and then walk the two blocks from there to the hotel.

With the shield of darkness and the privacy of the mostly empty trolley, the two sat at the very back and watched the street go past their feet. Discreetly they held hands, joined between them where no one would see. But it was nice.

AJ glanced at Brian out of the corner of his eye, pleased to see the relaxed, happy look still on his face. There was nothing he wanted more than to make Brian happy. He never smiled enough anymore. If there was one good thing that came from all the shit lately, it was that he and Brian were getting the chance to test this out between them. In a way he did owe Nick for that. Not that he’d ever tell him, the little fucker. He’d had no right to do what he did. Even if it did work in getting him and Brian closer.

“What? Do I have something on my face?” Brian asked, pausing in licking his snow cone.

Realizing that he’d been caught staring, AJ tipped his head enough that the shadows of his hat hid his blush. “No, nothing. Just, looking.”

Silence surrounded them for a moment. Then AJ felt surprise when Brian tipped his hat up. With lip red form his cherry snow cone, Brian smiled and leaned in, giving AJ a light kiss. “Thank you for a wonderful day, Alex. I can’t remember the last time I enjoyed myself so much.”

“You’re welcome.” AJ managed to stammer out. Damn, but Brian’s kisses fried his brain. Well, hell, everything about this man fried his brain. Just a side effect of being around him.

Once the trolley dropped them off they maintained their hand holding and walked silently until they were almost at the hotel. Neither one of them wanted to break the spell. But once they were close enough to chance being seen they had to let go of one another.

Still riding the high of the day, the two started giggling as they snuck past the crowd that always sat at the hotel and managed to get inside without being seen. Once they were in the elevators they laughed at their cunning. “It’s like I told Howie earlier!” AJ insisted, grinning at Brian. “I’m a freaking ninja!”

“For now, I concede your point. But I reserve the right to contest it later.” Brian stated seriously. This just had them both laughing again.

They tumbled off the elevator, still laughing, bumping one another with their arms. A door at the end of the hallway opened and Kevin poked his head out, grinning when he caught sight of them. “There you two are! About time!”

“Looking for us, Kev?” Brian asked, managing to straighten up a little.

AJ resisted the urge to sigh at the way that Kevin’s gaze slid across him, and the slight shudder he gave when he did. A small pang of hurt echoed down low, but he didn’t let it grow. There was no point. To his surprise, Brian put a hand on the small of his back, rubbing lightly, as if he sensed that without even having to look over at him. That feeling of hurt disappeared under a wave of love.

“There’s a surprise in here for you, Bri. Why don’t you come see what it is? We’ve been waiting for you to get here.”

When AJ would have stepped away, Brian used the hand at the small of his back to lead him along. There was no reason why not, so AJ just shrugged and smiled and followed him. They stepped into Kevin’s room, coming across Howie first, who chuckled when he saw their shirts and monkey covered hats. “Nice duds, guys.” He teased.

AJ grinned at him and started to respond, but another voice cut through the room.

“Hello, Brian.”

AJ was angled just right that he saw the pain that quickly leapt into Brian’s eyes. He felt the tremor that ran through his frame, making the hand on AJ’s back tremble. It was all quickly locked away, but AJ hadn’t missed it. He looked over to the sound of the voice to where a man stood by Kevin’s side.

The man was tall, had to be around six foot, with blond hair and green eyes. His hair was cut short, buzzed almost like they do in the military. He wasn’t extremely muscular, but he had a good solid build. His mouth was quirked up in a smile that set AJ’s teeth on edge, and his eyes carried a look that AJ sure as hell didn’t like seeing directed at Brian.

Something in him clicked, and he turned to Brian, looking at him as Kevin started to talk, explaining something about the man coming to visit them. The gist of it being that the guy was an old friend of theirs that they’d both known for years.

All AJ had eyes for was Brian. Under the cover of the others talking he managed to snag Brian’s gaze and ask him one simple question. “He’s the one?” No more was needed to be said. He knew that Brian would understand exactly what he meant, what he was asking. He would know that AJ was asking if this was the one who had hurt Brian so bad; who had put that look in his eyes and shattered his heart.

Pain flashed in Brian’s gaze again, answer enough even without words. But still he nodded lightly, croaking out a quiet “Yes.”

This time it was AJ who put a hand on the small of Brian’s back, rubbing lightly in an effort to offer support. His own body was locked down with rage, and he wanted nothing more than to hurt this person who hurt Brian. But he knew he couldn’t do that. Right at that moment it would hurt Brian if AJ stepped in and did something stupid. All he could do was offer support as Brian took a deep breath and finally lifted his head.

Leaning into AJ’s hand for comfort, Brian forced himself to look across the room into those green eyes that he had once thought to lose himself in. Eyes that had, at one time, filled with love at the mere sight of him. Now there was coldness there, and a calculating that he wondered how he had never seen before. “Hello, Stephen.”  
   
NEXT PART

Pain ran through Brian like little razors. He felt as if he should be a pile on the floor, twitching and bleeding. He felt as if he should be screaming with the sensations of it. But underneath all of that was one simple question. One that he voiced before he could stop to think about it. “What’re you doing here?” he asked, his voice coming out like a croak.

Stephen’s green eyes sparkled for just a second before the mask slipped over them. How had he never noticed that mask before? Only that quick peek at the truth inside, and now Stephen looked as kind as he once had, with that familiar caring in his gaze, and almost that hint of love that Brian had used to see. “I came out to visit. Your mom told me where you guys were at, and I was travelling here for business so I thought I’d pop in to surprise you two.” The way he phrased it conveyed a tone that told Brian he was coming to see him, not Kevin.

A part of him yearned to cross the distance of the room and step into Stephen’s arms as he had once done. To hold and be held in that familiar embrace, and forget the pain of the past few months. To let it all go and lose himself in the love they had once shared. But there had been too much pain to do that. He knew the truth now and there was no going back from it.

“What do you do?” Howie asked politely. He didn’t seem to sense the undercurrents between the two of them. Neither did Kevin.

A smile curved Stephen’s lips as he looked at Howie. “I own an antique store back in Lexington. I occasionally travel around to acquire new items that I hear about from different stores. There’s a French oak Louis XIII armoire that I want at an antique sale here, as well as a few renaissance tapestries. I also heard they have an old Roman scene painting in its original framing. I’d like to take them back to my store.”

Just hearing that sweet voice was agony. At one time that voice had whispered sweet nothings in his ear. Had made promises of a life and a future together. Then he had discovered that all those promises were lies, and meant nothing. That voice had spoken to him, saying the most horrible things; things that he had never thought to hear from the one he loved. Words that had shattered him.

The urge to turn tail and run gripped him. He might have given in to it if it wasn’t for AJ’s hand on his back. That hand helped him center himself enough to keep his calm. To keep from breaking down right then and there and screaming or crying. It kept him from bolting.

AJ, so sweet and supportive. Not saying a word at the moment, most likely because he knew Brian well enough to know that nothing would matter to him right now. Knowing that Brian wouldn’t want interference in this, or pointless words.

He knew him so well. No matter how worried he was, or how much the curiosity must be eating at him, AJ had not once pressured him to speak of what had happened. He hadn’t pushed or questioned him in any way, which Brian was extremely grateful for. He didn’t feel ready to speak of it yet. He sure wasn’t ready to face Stephen yet.

But, it helped, having AJ right there by his side. In so many little ways AJ had wormed into Brian’s heart, despite his defenses. Even though Brian had vowed to never love another person again, not after the kind of pain he had lived through, somehow he had found himself falling for his rebel friend lately, even if he hadn’t wanted to. He hadn’t been lying when he’d told AJ that he could easily come to love him, and that he was afraid he already did. The thought both terrified and thrilled him. A small part of his brain and heart couldn’t help but be afraid that AJ would turn on him too. That he would hurt him the same as Stephen had.

“We’ve known Stephen since we were kids.” Kevin was telling everyone. His voice cut through Brian’s thoughts, bringing with it memories of a different time. “Our parents were friends, and so he became friends with us. He was always the imp, playing joke after joke. I think Brian learned half his jokes from Stephen.”

“Oh, trust me, Brian was good at coming up with a lot of his own. We made a pretty good team.” Stephen said jokingly. Brian was the only one who heard the hidden message in that. Feeling AJ tense, he corrected that thought. He wasn’t the only one who had heard it.

Tipping his head, AJ gave a cool smile. “He is a good jokester, our Brian.” He said lightly. That drew Stephen’s eyes to him, and for a second something hot and angry flashed there as he looked at the way they stood with one another. Brian almost dropped his hand from AJ’s back, but thought better of it. He was grateful that AJ left his hand where it was, continuing to rub his thumb soothingly against Brian’s shirt. It relaxed him.

“I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure of meeting you.” Stephen said to AJ, managing to make it sound as if ‘pleasure’ was the last thing in his mind. He held his hand out, waiting for AJ to step forward and take it. It was a calculated move, Brian knew, to get AJ away from him. To everyone’s surprise, AJ looked at Stephen’s outstretched hand for a moment before reaching a hand up to tip his hat. “Can’t say that you have.” He said dryly.

“AJ!” Kevin scolded in his best parenting voice. “Quit being rude. Stephen is a good friend of ours. He’s just being friendly.”

“It’s ok, Kev.” After reassuring his friend, Stephen turned his eyes back to AJ. To anyone else in the room it was obvious that they were appraising one another. Brian saw beyond the obvious. He noticed the way that Stephen looked AJ over from head to toe, measuring his merit and obviously finding him lacking. His lip curled slightly into a sneer that had AJ stiffening again. “AJ, is it? Funny. I don’t remember hearing about you before. The guys have told me so much about the others, but I can’t recall hearing your name.”

A glint entered AJ’s eyes, and his grin was razor sharp. “Really? Isn’t that interesting? Your name’s never come up before either. Must have…slipped his mind.” The way that AJ leaned just slightly toward Brian, cocking one hip his direction and shifting his weight, put them closer together, and was an obvious statement to Stephen.

Fury brightened the color of Stephen’s eyes for a moment before he managed to soothe it back down. Recognizing the look, Brian instinctively sought to pull it off of AJ. He didn’t question that part of him that suddenly flared up, urging him to protect AJ from Stephen’s wrath. “I’ve told you about Alex before.” He said, drawing eyes to him. 

Recognition and rage both danced in Stephen’s eyes at Brian’s statement. “So this is Alex? I hadn’t made that connection. Funny. You don’t fit with the image I have of you, Alex.”

“It’s AJ. Only certain people get permission to call me Alex.”

“Enough.” Kevin said boldly, stepping between the two of them. “I don’t know what your problem is, AJ, but knock it off. I won’t have you disrespecting my guest in my room. Either keep a civil tongue in your head or get out of here.”

Sardonically, AJ tipped his hat again, effectively pulling the brim down just enough to allow him to hide in the shadows. He hooked his free hand in his pocket and quietly stood there. To everyone else he looked relaxed. To Brian it was obvious that AJ was tensed with both anger and hurt. It was the hurt that gave Brian courage he hadn’t known he had. “If you’re going to demand respect out of Alex, it’s only courteous that Stephen do the same.”

“What?” Kevin asked in surprise.

From the cover of his hat AJ whispered “Let it go, Bri. It’s ok, I promise.”

“No, it’s not.” Brian answered him. He took a deep breath and shoved all his pain down as far as it could go so that none of it leaked into his eyes or his voice. “I’ve had a long day, and I’m tired. If there’s nothing else you guys need…?”

Stephen took a step forward, his eyes locking on to Brian’s. “Before you go to bed, can I talk to you for a minute? Away from everyone else.” He asked him quietly. The way his eyes flicked to AJ made it obvious who ‘everyone else’ was.

Did he feel strong enough to do it? Was he ready to speak to him? He wasn’t sure. But saying no would be admitting cowardice. The feel of AJ’s warmth next to him, and the love that he seemed to flow from AJ’s eyes as he watched him, gave Brian the courage to nod. “Yeah. We’ll use the balcony. You mind, Kev?”

“Not at all.” Kevin immediately replied.

Before he stepped away, Brian turned his eyes to AJ’s, seeking them out. The words he wanted to say he couldn’t in front of the others, who had no idea what was between them. But he put everything he felt into his gaze, hoping that AJ would understand. The smile AJ gave him in response said that he did. “Go on, sugar.” He whispered, his voice pitched so low that no one else could understand the quiet murmur. “I’ll wait for you if you want me to, or I’ll head to bed.”

“Wait for me. Please?”

“Of course.”

Taking another deep breath, Brian forced himself to let go of AJ, and to step away from the comfort of his hand. His eyes happened to pass by Nick, and in that brief look he saw that even if Nick didn’t know the whole story, even if he didn’t even know as much as AJ, he still understood more of what was going on than Kevin or Howie did. Love, brotherly love, was in his eyes, as well as an offer of support. Though things had been tense between them, Brian felt a small knot in his chest ease at that look. No matter what had happened, his best friend was on his side. It was reassuring to see that.

Feeling a little better he led Stephen to the patio. Deliberately he left the curtains closed, only holding them aside so that Stephen could step through the open door. After following, Brian let the curtain drop and slid the door shut. They stood in the night air, staring at one another, with as much privacy as if they were alone in Brian’s room.

The instant the door shut, Stephen stepped toward him, hands outstretched. Before Brian could react he’d grabbed both of Brian’s hand and was holding them tightly. “God, Bri, it’s so good to see you. I’ve missed you.”

It took strength that Brian didn’t know he had to pull backwards and out of his grip. He stepped back so that his back was against the doorframe. If he wasn’t so terrified of heights he would have walked further out to keep the distance between them. As it was this was far enough. “What’re you really doing here, Steph?”

Hurt filled Stephen’s eyes. “I came to see you, to talk to you.” He said, taking a step toward Brian. “I missed you. Bri, baby, I want to work things out with you. I want us to be together again.”

Shock numbed Brian for a moment. Was he serious? After everything he had said, everything he had done, he was trying to fix it now? Part of Brian wanted to leap into his arms and cry all the tears that he’d been holding inside for so long. The other part of him pulled back. A cynical side that he hadn’t had until months ago was rearing its head now.

All the hurt, all the pain, came roaring to the surface, tinting his eyes and tingeing his tone. His words dripped acid when he asked “What about your wife, Stephen? What does she have to say about that?”


	2. Chapter 2

NEXT PART

AJ couldn’t stop himself from watching as Brian and Stephen disappeared onto the patio. His heart ached for his love. He wished there was something that he could do for him to make this easier, but was practical enough to know that there wasn’t. This was something that Brian had to do alone. But when it was done, AJ would be waiting for him just as he had promised.

A loud voice drew AJ’s attention from inside of his own head and back to the hotel room. “What on earth was that, AJ? I’ve never seen you be so rude to someone that you don’t know!” Kevin said furiously. “Stephen is an old family friend, and a really good friend of mine and Brian’s. He’s like family. You owe him an apology.”

Snorting, AJ rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I’ll hop right on that one.” He said sarcastically.

“What the hell is the matter with you? You don’t even know him!”

“I know enough.” AJ forced his mouth shut, not wanting to say more than was his right to. This was not the time to let his temper and his mouth run away with him. But Kevin was pushing his buttons pretty close here.

Kevin took another step toward AJ, his arms crossed over his chest as he glowered. “What’re you talking about? He’s never been around to be introduced to you. How could you ‘know enough’ to be that fucking rude to him after just one glance at him?”

God grant me patience he thought to himself. “Look, Kev, just drop it. I’ll stay the hell away from the fucker until he goes home, ok? You won’t have any problems then.”

“It’s not ok. I want to know what the fuck your problem was!”

“Drop it!” AJ almost shouted, his gaze turning hot. He tipped his head up enough that Kevin could see his face under his hat. With a jerky movement he pushed the brim up to better be able to glower at the old man. “My problem is my business and no one else’s. Now, would you just let me wait in peace?”

“Wait?” Curious, Kevin looked around the room, his eyes traveling over his friends before landing on the balcony. Understanding lit his gaze. “You’re waiting for Brian.”

“Bingo, Sherlock. Let’s give the man a prize!” Sarcasm dripped from AJ’s words.

Something stole into Kevin’s eyes as he looked back at AJ. A slight understanding, quickly replaced by disgust and anger. “You’re jealous.” He stated baldly. “Holy shit. You’re fucking jealous!”

AJ froze, his body locking into place. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me. You’re jealous of Stephen, and his friendship with Brian. Fuck. I can’t believe I didn’t see it.” Kevin paced away for a minute, moving to pour himself a drink at the rooms bar. “You’re in love with my cousin.”

AJ’s first instinct was to deny it. Sure, they all knew he was gay now, but none of them knew that Brian was. At all costs AJ would protect Brian’s secret until the time that Brian decided he was ready for others to know about it. Yes, Nick and Howie knew, but he had never told them. Just as he would never tell Kevin.

But before the denial could slip past his lips, he stopped himself. So what if they knew how he felt? That wouldn’t be giving away Brian’s secrets. He didn’t have to tell them that he was courting him, or that they had kissed already, or anything like that. Lying about how he felt about Brian felt wrong to him. Almost as if by lying, he would be saying he was ashamed of him and of what he felt. That wasn’t the case.

Pride had AJ tipping his chin up and firming his jaw. “Your point?” he asked coolly.

Kevin slammed back his shot like a pro, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth. “That’s why you’ve been spending time with him, and hanging out in his room and going out to the carnival with him today. You think you have some insane chance with him. Brian’s straight, AJ. He’s not…like you.”

The irony of the statement was not lost on AJ. At that moment Brian was standing on the patio talking to a man who was his ex after having spent the entire day on a date with AJ. Straight? Sweet Jesus, Kevin had no idea what he was talking about. “What I do with my time is my own.”

“He’ll never return your feelings, AJ. He’s not that way. He knows better.”

Kevin’s words cut him deep, but he pushed the hurt aside. Hurt led to temper, and temper could have him saying things that he would regret. So he held his tongue for a moment in an effort to gain control of himself.

That only seemed to encourage Kevin further. “Does he know what you feel for him? I saw the way you walked in together, touching him like you had the right. Does he know what you’re thinking in your fucking head? What those touches would mean to you? Brian is a religious man! Why would you push yourself on him when you know that nothing is going to come from it? Why put yourself in that kind of position?”

To keep from screaming and throwing things, AJ focused on the easiest of the questions. “It doesn’t matter if he never returns what I feel for him, Kevin. Just being in his company is enough for me. Being friends is better than not having him in my life at all. I’d take the pain of being around him and never having him every moment of the day over not having him in my life at all. If it hurts me, it’s my own problem, not yours.” Unable to resist, he glared at his friend. “I didn’t touch him any differently than I ever have any of you, Kev. I had my hand on his back. I’ve done that to you guys a million and one times. It doesn’t mean I want to jump your bones.”

Kevin shuddered again, as if the very thought disgusted him. “We’re way off point here.” He said in an effort to bring the topic back under control. “You’re jealous over someone who is just a friend, AJ. I won’t have you acting like you have the right to be jealous and possessive of Brian. You don’t. If you can’t be civil to Stephen, stay the fuck out of my room. Are we clear on this?”

“Crystal. Trust me, until he’s gone, I won’t be in here unless I have to.”

Vibrating with fury, AJ moved over to the wall and leaned against it, taking hold of the brim of his hat and pulling it low over his face. He crossed his feet at his ankles and his arms over his chest. He was going to stay right here until Brian got back and then he was going to get out of here. Away from Kevin and his bullshit.

“What’re you doing?” Kevin demanded coldly. He was furious with the way that AJ had acted before and was acting now. All he wanted was for him to go back to his room.

“Waiting for Brian.”

“He’s a big boy. He can get back down the hall to his room just fine when he’s done visiting. He doesn’t need you to escort him, AJ.”

“Nonetheless, I’ll wait.”

“Look, I’ve had about enough of this…”

To the surprise of everyone it was Nick who darted forward in enough time to put a hand against AJ’s chest, keeping him in place against the wall when he would have finally given up and launched himself forward to yell and rant and scream. “Back off, Kev!” Nick snapped. He kept himself between the two, glaring at the oldest member of their group.

Nick defending AJ was enough of a surprise that it took Kevin back a step. “Excuse me?” he demanded when he regained his composure. “This is my room!”

“I don’t care.” Nick’s face was alight with anger. “You have no idea what’s going on, and until you do just back the fuck off of AJ, all right? There’s way more going on than you know.”

Reaching a hand up, AJ put it over top of Nick’s. He was touched to hear his young friend come to his defense, but the touch was a warning to Nick not to say too much. The look Nick gave him said a silent thank you for that reminder. He took a deep breath and turned back to Kevin. “Look, Kev, if I know Bri he probably asked AJ to wait for him, ok? You know AJ. You should know that he isn’t going to be the type to push himself on someone who doesn’t want him there. The only thing that would be keeping him here with you treating him like shit is if Brian asked him to wait. So just leave him alone and let him do what he said he would, ok?”

With a glare and a huff, Kevin stormed over to the bedroom part of the suite, slamming the door behind him. AJ looked at Nick, the anger that he had been feeling for days starting to slide away. “Thank you.” He whispered. The smile Nick gave him was a mile wide. “I owe you a lot, J. It was the least I could do.” The two smiled, an easy truce building between them. They would still have to talk about things eventually, but their friendship was building its way back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stephen pulled his hands in, tucking them under his armpits for warmth. “Carrie and I aren’t together anymore.” He said softly. There was anguish in his eyes that almost seemed sincere. It touched a place deep inside of Brian that left him speechless as Stephen continued. “Brian, I know I did some stupid things, and I said things that are horrible. You’d have every right in the world if you stayed mad at me. But I hope you won’t. I want the chance to make it up to you. I only said those things, did those things, because I was scared of what I felt for you. What I feel. I can’t deny it anymore.”

The words were all right, but something about them was all wrong. They were everything that Brian had ever hoped to hear from him. Late at night when he lay in his bed, wishing for sleep to come, he imagined Stephen saying those exact words. Now, faced with the reality of them, he realized how hollow they were.

“You hurt me.” He said softly.

“I know I did. I regret that more than anything, baby. I hurt you out of my own fear, and I know that no apology is good enough. But I want to try. Please, let me try.”

“I don’t know that I can.” The words were tore from deep inside of Brian, but they carried the ring of truth. “You hurt me more than anyone has in my entire life. You shattered me, and left me lying there. You think an apology covers it all?”

“Please, Bri, baby, I know I was stupid…”

Anger gripped Brian suddenly. He pushed away from the wall to glare at Stephen. “Stupid? You used me! I trusted you! I loved you! An you took everything I gave you and threw it away! You insulted me, and degraded me, and treated me like I was a game. I was ready to tell my family for you! But you were just using me!”

“Brian-”

“I had to find out about your fucking wife from my mom! Can you imagine how devastating that was for me? To have her stand there and tell me when I came home to visit that you’d gotten married? You didn’t even have the guts to tell me yourself!”

All the anger, all the pain, everything that Brian had been feeling was boiling up inside of him. He couldn’t stop it from pouring out his lips, and he didn’t want to. They were words that he had been aching to say for months now.

“Did you really think that you’d be able to walk in here, say sorry, and I’d come running back to you? I’m not a fucking puppy you can keep kicking and keep kicking and have me just keep coming back. You called me the nastiest, most vile names. Did you think I’d forget that! How dare you? You were supposed to love me!”

“I told you, I was scared!” Stephen insisted.

“So that’s your excuse? You told me I was a diversion to occupy you until something better came along!” Brian hissed, his voice breaking on the words. “You said I was a good looking fuck, but nothing more than that! You’re trying to tell me you said that because you were scared? You never loved me! You loved the money I made!”

“That’s not true!”

“Bullshit!” Brian had to force himself not to scream the word. Every inch of his body seemed to vibrate with tension. “I fucking paid for that stupid antique shop of yours! I paid for all the things you put in there to start it up! I paid for every fucking dime that went into it, and did I ask for anything in return? Did I even ask for a part of the profits? No! Because I loved you, and I wanted to help you! But you…you just wanted what my money brought you. Sex and money, that’s it! Why’re you back now, Steph? Looking for another chunk of change? Think you’d find me the same fucking fool I was before?”

The truth of it flashed in Stephen’s eyes before he could mask it. Holy shit. He had really come back to ask for money! Rage drained away from Brian, leaving behind only pain. He felt so tired all of a sudden. “You won’t get another cent from me, Steph. What we had is gone, you saw to that. Go home. Go home to your wife. I won’t fall for your lies again.”

“Listen, Brian. Ok, so yeah, I’m a little short on cash right now, but that’s not what I’m here for. I told you, Carrie and I aren’t together anymore. I realized what I want in life. I want you. I lo-”

Brian held a hand up in the air, stopping him. “Don’t. Just don’t say it. Just stop the games, Steph. You and I both know the truth. Don’t try and play me for a fool. Once burned, twice shy. I won’t fall for the same shit twice. Don’t insult my intelligence by trying to tell me you love me. You have no idea what love is.”

“Oh, you think you do?” Suddenly Stephen’s voice had turned hard and nasty. It reminded Brian of that fateful night when his world had ended. “What, you think you’ve found love with that little tattooed freak in there? Your precious Alex?”

“Leave him out of this, Steph. Just leave him the hell alone.” A small amount of temper snapped back into Brian’s voice. He wouldn’t let this man stand here and shit talk AJ.

“Have you fucked him yet? I bet you haven’t. If you had, he wouldn’t still be around. You never were good in the sack. Too fucking cold for my taste. Like a fucking cold fish under me. It was like fucking a God damn iceberg.”

Brian closed his eyes against the pain of those words. He refused to let his tears fall, though. “Just go, Steph. Get out.”

“Not until I get what I came for. You owe me, Brian. I put years into you. The least you could do is help an old friend out. You fucking owe me.”

Looking at Stephen’s face, Brian wondered what it had been that had attracted him to begin with. Where had his friend gone? Somewhere along the way Stephen had changed from the kid he had been, kind and loving and full of laughter, to this person he was now. Angry, resentful, and slightly dangerous. “I told you Steph, no more. I won’t do it anymore. Just leave.”

Moving with a speed that left Brian speechless, Stephen darted forward and grabbed the front of Brian’s shirt in both fists. He lifted him and banged him against the wall, holding him up off the ground. “Listen here, you little shit. I want the fucking money I came for, or I swear to God within twenty four hours every press in the city is going to know about you and your little lover boy. Are we clear on this?”

Brian gaped at him, unable to speak around the knot in his throat. He gasped when Stephen pulled him forward and slammed him back again. “Answer me!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Howie had long since gone to his room, as had Nick. They’d both offered to stay with AJ and wait, which was a subtle offer to stay and run interference with Kevin if he came back out, but AJ told them both to go ahead to their rooms. He didn’t mine waiting. His concern was for Brian and what might be happening out there.

The sound of a thump drew AJ from his thoughts. He looked around the room, wondering where it had come from, when he heard it a second time. This time it registered in his head where it was coming from. He was off the wall and racing toward the patio before the thought even completed.

When he burst onto the patio it took a second for his eyes to adjust to the darkness, and then to believe what it was he was seeing.

“Answer me!” Stephen shouted. His fists were clenched in Brian’s shirt as he held him against the wall and inches off the ground. There was fear on Brian’s face. That did it for AJ.

“Let him the fuck go, and now.”

AJ’s voice, as cold as ice, had Stephen turning to look. A sneer curled his lip. “Look here, if it isn’t the little boyfriend. Come to save your lover from his big bad ex, huh?”

“Put him down now, Stephen, and I might not throw you off the fucking balcony.”

That had the desired effect. AJ watched as Stephen let go of Brian’s shirt, letting him drop to the ground. He turned to face AJ with hatred on his face. “You think you could take me, you little shit? I’d mop the fucking floor with you! Now why don’t you run back in the room and let the adults talk out here.”

It was taking everything AJ had to control himself. He wanted to leap at the fucker and beat him until he was black and blue. He wanted to grab him by his neck and chuck him off the edge of the balcony. But he could see Brian standing back up, see the heartache on his face, and it gave him the strength to control himself. Instead of killing Stephen, he held his hand out to Brian. “Come here, sugar.”

Just as Brian started to move, Stephen slapped a hand against the wall, effectively stopping him in his tracks. “We aren’t done talking yet.”

To Stephen’s surprise, Brian ducked underneath his arm and shot forward. He stopped by AJ’s side, not touching him but relishing in simply being beside him. “We are, Steph. I told you, the answers no. Go home. Go back to Carrie and move on with your life. I’m done.”

Rage glittered in Stephen’s eyes. “You will regret this.” He hissed.

Brian paid no attention to him. He opened the patio door and took AJ’s arm, stepping backwards through it. Neither of them felt comfortable turning their back on Stephen. With a last, heartbreaking look at a man he had once loved, Brian slid the door shut before turning with AJ and hurrying from the room.

Out in the hallway he looked around nervously. AJ noticed it but chose to say nothing. He simply waited for what Brian would say.

“Can we go to your room? I don’t…I don’t want to be in mine right now.” Brian whispered.

Instead of speaking, AJ simply turned them and led them to his room. He unlocked the door, gesturing Brian in first before following behind him. The door clicked shut behind him and AJ moved to find the light switch. It had grown dark outside, and the room was only lit by the moonlight.

Before he had gone three steps he suddenly found his arms full. Brian had stepped up to him and wrapped his arms around AJ’s waist. Instinctively AJ brought his own arms up to hold Brian close. With one hand he reached up and took Brian’s hat, tossing it to the floor, while Brian buried his face in AJ’s neck. Warm tears hit AJ’s skin as he felt Brian’s frame start to tremble.

“Hold me for a little while, please?” Brian asked him in a voice gone shaky with tears. “I need…I just hurt, so much, Alex. God, it hurts. Please hold me?”

“I’ve got you, Bri. I’m right here, and I’ve got you. Just let it go.” AJ started to stroke Brian’s shaking back. He made soothing noises as he heard Brian finally let go of the tears and start to sob against him. His own eyes filled with tears. “That’s it. I’ve got you, sugar. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere.”  
   
NEXT PART

It took the better part of fifteen minutes before Brian had finished crying himself out. When his tears finally stopped and his sniffles were down to a minimum he felt AJ shift slightly so that he could look down into his face. “Feel better now, love?” he asked him gently.

Brian looked at AJ’s face and, for the first time, allowed himself to feel the emotions that boiled inside of him. The love that he had been denying for too long. Even now, after everything he had witnessed, AJ stood there ready to support him. He didn’t ask any probing questions. He hadn’t demanded an answer. No, he’d simply held him while he cried for fifteen minutes straight.

If that wasn’t love, the enduring kind of love, than what was? Brian knew he couldn’t wall himself away for the rest of his life. Eventually he would have to trust someone. To talk to someone and let them past his walls. Who better than AJ? The man who loved him, and who he was falling head over heels for.

“A little.” He finally replied to AJ’s question. His voice was hoarse from weeping, and oh so tired. But he straightened enough to wipe at his face. “Can we…is it ok if we sit and talk for a bit?”

“Of course.”

AJ led them over to the couch. He took a seat on one end and gestured for Brian to sit as well. After a moment’s deliberation, Brian toed his shoes off and sat down, pulling his feet up on the couch so he could rest his chin on his knees. AJ mirrored the pose, leaving their feet brushing against one another.

Before Brian could speak, AJ reached a hand out and lightly touched his leg. “I just want you to know, Bri, that you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. I respect that this is your business and I won’t pressure you to tell me if you’re not ready. I’ll stay by your side either way.”

That right there was why Brian knew he was right in telling him. “I need to say it, Alex. Before anything between you and I goes any further, I need to say it. I won’t hide things from you.”

Seeing that this was what Brian wanted, AJ settled back into his corner of the couch and fell silent. There was love in his eyes; a love that Brian realized he had come to depend on being there. It gave him strength, and helped him to start to find the words he needed.

“I’ve known Stephen since I was about five years old. He was always a part of my childhood, and my teen years as well. Even after Kevin and I were in the group, we still saw him each time we came home. I was attracted to him for a quite a while as well. That was hard for me to reconcile. I finally admitted it, at least to myself, about a year after joining the group. When I would come home for visits and see him and it would set my blood to racing or my heart to pumping.

“I started to pull back from him a little because I thought that feeling this way for a man, especially one who had been my friend for so long, was just wrong. I thought that he would see it in my face and grow to hate me for it. So, rather than have his hatred, I tried to use time and our group to pull back.

“It worked pretty well. I started to forget those feelings I had for him, and so it was easy to convince myself that if I saw him it wouldn’t be a big deal. That it would just be easy to be his friend once again. What I hadn’t counted on was how much he’d grown and changed, too.”

Brian paused, lifting his head and looking off to the side. He was lost in memories, some of them sweet, some of them painful.

“Almost a year and a half ago we went home for a few months on break between tours. I went for a walk one day, something that I like to do when I’m home. I like the feeling of walking without security following me. But I heard someone following me, and when I turned around there he was. He looked so good. I swear my heart just started beating faster and faster with just that first look.

“He told me that he’d missed me, and bluntly asked why I’d been avoiding him. I tried to deny it, but he said that he knew. Since I couldn’t lie to him, I just stood there and blushed like an idiot. The next thing I know he was cupping my cheek and telling me how much I’d grown and changed, and how good I looked. Then he kissed me. It was…beautiful.

“Things kind of grew from there. I don’t really want to get into the dating stage of things. Suffice to say that it was sweet, and we loved it. I loved it. He made me feel beautiful and cherished. Like I was someone special.”

Dropping his gaze back down, Brian stared at his knees. Here was where it got hard. He swallowed the lump in his throat. AJ didn’t speak, but gave him the silence he needed to gather himself. When he was in control again, he continued.

“He’d always talked about his plans to open an antique store, and I’d always supported him in it. Somehow I ended up loaning him the money to start it up. I can look back now and see all the little ways that he used me like a bank, always assuming that I would be there to help him. Hell, I always was. He wouldn’t have that place or anything to put in it if it wasn’t for me.

“But I didn’t care. I loved him, so it was worth it to me. He’d come and meet me sometimes when he was on trips to acquire things. We’d hole up somewhere in a hotel and just be with one another. It was always beautiful to me. But he started meeting me less and less, and I was worried. So on our last break, I went home with the intent to talk to him and find out what was going on.

“I showed up at the house and mom was fit to bursting with her news. Stephen had married the girl down the road. Carrie. Wasn’t that just wonderful? I stood in the kitchen and my world just fell apart.”

His voice cracked as he recalled that moment. The look on his mother’s face, so happy. The way that his heart had seemed to freeze in his chest before starting to crack. Not break yet, no. Part of his mind had denied what it was being told. There was no way that Stephen would do that to him. They had just been discussing telling their families not even a month ago!

“I don’t remember much more of talking to her. All I know is I set out to walk, my feet taking me down the familiar trail, the one where I was due to meet Stephen anyways. He was waiting for me just like he always was by the tree stump we usually sat at. A smile was on his face. I remember that clearly. He was smiling when I got there, and he wasted no time in coming over and kissing me.

“I pulled back from him. I think he knew right then that I knew. But he pretended for a little bit, and asked me if I was ok. I told him that Mom had told me about his marriage. He didn’t even bother to deny it. He just sighed and told me that he hadn’t wanted me to find out that way.”

As he told the story, Brian found himself transported back to that day. Even though he was looking at his knees, they weren’t what he saw. All he could see was Stephen’s face.

~~~~flashback~~~~

“This wasn’t how I wanted you to find out.” Stephen said gently. His voice and his eyes carried the same love they always had, but it was tinged with sadness now. Brian felt as if he was floundering, trying to get his head above water. “Why?” It was all he could croak out.

“I didn’t do it to hurt you, Bri. Please, if you believe nothing, believe that. I didn’t want to hurt you.” The words were beseeching but Brian couldn’t get beyond the pain of finding out that this was really true. Stephen had gotten married. “Brian, you know how my family is. They’re even more religious than yours! They’ve been on me to find a wife, to accept Carrie. They told me how perfect she was for me, and how this was the right path. They threatened to cut me off if I didn’t marry her! To cut me out of the family and out of their lives. I…I had no choice.”

“There’s always a choice. I would have taken you in.” Brian said softly. He looked into his boyfriends eyes and felt his pain double at the thought that Stephen hadn’t trusted him to do that. “I would have helped you out, and supported you if need be. I would have been your family for you.”

“I know. But I couldn’t ask that of you! How could I be that kind of person, to come live like a groupie? I would have been miserable, baby. Absolutely miserable.”

That was another shaft of pain. How could he be miserable so long as they were together? Wasn’t that what mattered? Brian wrapped his arms around his waist, chilled despite the bright sun spilling down on them. “Why didn’t you at least tell me? I visited you in St. Louis just a month ago! Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t know how to tell you that I was married, baby. I couldn’t seem to make the words work.”

Wait…married? Not engaged? “You were already married when I came to see you?” He asked suddenly. The look that flashed into Stephen’s eyes was enough. It made Brian sick to his stomach. Anger took the place of some of the pain. “You slept with me even though you had a new bride at home? What the hell, Steph!”

“It’s not like that!” Stephen insisted. He held a hand out to Brian, but dropped it when Brian took a step back. “Listen, baby, our marriage isn’t a real one. Neither one of us wants to be with the other. She has someone else she loves too. We did this because we had to. For our families. She knows that I have someone I love, and that I want to be with. I thought…”

What he thought was left unsaid, but it was painfully clear to Brian. “You thought we could still be together even though you have a wife? Are you kidding me! You want me to help you commit adultery? To be your fucking whore that you come see when you need a quick fix?”

“Brian!”

“Don’t you ‘Brian’ me! I will not be a little fuck toy for you to have. You married someone else, Steph! After promising me that we would be together, after telling me that you loved me, you went and married someone else! How dare you? You should have at least had the dignity to tell me, not let me find out like this! Not to use me to cheat on her you bastard!”

Stephen’s eyes narrowed. “There’s no call to be nasty, Bri. I was just, proposing something that might benefit us all. If that’s not what you want, then fine, but don’t stand there and insult me.”

Shock filled Brian to his core. He couldn’t believe what was happening. This was not the Stephen he knew and had fallen in love with. This was an imposter standing there before him, saying these things, suggesting such an idea. “You were proposing I help you commit adultery. With my faith alone, not to mention my own morals, how could you think I would do that?”

“Oh don’t throw your faith at me.” Stephen scoffed. “You crossed the lines of faith the first time you let me fuck you, Brian.”

“The hell with you. I loved you. Under the eyes of God, no love is wrong. But it’s obvious you never loved me. Go to hell, Stephen. Better yet, go to your wife. I hope you two are fucking happy with one another.” As if he had no control over it, the one question that ached through Brian’s heart the most rose up to his lips. “Did I ever matter to you at all?”

For the first time Brian saw the usual warmth in Stephen’s eyes fade away to become like ice. “You were a nice little diversion.” The cold words were like salt on an open wound. “You occupied me until something better came along. I knew what I had to do, and I knew I’d marry her. But I enjoyed the time I had with you.”

As if that wasn’t enough, Stephen gave him a sickening leer. “You were a good looking fuck, even if you are a God damn cold fish in the sack. Carrie responds better than you ever did and she was still a virgin. I guess this is for the best, anyways. It was getting difficult to fake it. You may be good looking, but you wouldn’t know passion if it came up and slapped you in the face.”

“Go to hell.” Brian whispered through numb lips. “Don’t ever step foot in my family’s house again. You won’t be welcome.”

Anger suddenly radiated through Stephen. He took a step forward, his hands clenching into fists on either side of him. “Let me make one thing clear, Brian. You will not fuck up my standing in this community by telling anyone your garbage. I will deny it until the very end.”

He took another step forward, and Brian instinctively backed away from that raptor sharp gaze.

“If you think you’re going to tell anyone about this, I swear to you I will slander your name from here to the ends of the earth. I will tell everyone what a whore you are, to throw yourself at me, wanting me even though I didn’t want you. I’ll tell them the truth about what a little whore you are. You think you can threaten me? You think you’re so big just because you’ve seen some of the world now? God, you’re pathetic. You’ve been pathetic, the way you’ve followed me around for years now. The way you used to stare at me with those moony eyes.”

“I thought you loved me.” The words were so quiet they almost weren’t heard.

Stephen laughed. “Love you? As if you could ever be good enough for that. The most you’ll ever be is a pretty fuck, Bri. Cold, but pretty. The rest of you is worthless.”

His heart breaking, Brian did the only thing he could think of. The only thing that would save his sanity. He turned and ran.

~~~~~end flashback~~~~~

Silence filled the hotel room when Brian finished his story. Tears streamed down his face. His heart felt like it was breaking all over again. Ashamed of his tears, and of what he had just told AJ, he buried his face against his knees. He didn’t want to look at AJ; was afraid of what he would see.

NEXT PART

AJ stared unblinking at the top of Brian’s head. He watched as the one he loved shook with his silent tears. Everything that he had said seemed to echo through the room, a testament to his pain. He couldn’t believe what he had heard. How the hell could someone be so cruel? More so, how could someone be that cruel to Brian? Sweet, kind, loving Brian? Part of him ached to reach over and comfort Brian and tell him how wrong the other man had been. The other part wanted to go back to Kevin’s room and pound Stephen to a bloody pulp.

As usual, temper won out.

Rage filled AJ to the brim. Who the hell did this guy think he was? To use him that way, and insult him, was the worst kind of crime. No one treated Brian like that and got away with it!

AJ didn’t even realize that he’d risen to his feet until he heard Brian speak and turned to look down at him. “Alex?” One of his hands came up, wiping away the tears as he sniffled. “Where…what’re you doing?”

“I’m gonna fucking kill him.” The words came out hard and cold. AJ turned to storm from the room. He heard Brian move quickly and felt a hand grip his wrist.

“What? AJ, no!”

“Why the fuck not?” AJ shouted as he spun back around. His body was vibrating with his anger and the need to set it free. Nothing, nothing, had ever pissed him off this much before. “He deserves it!”

Still sitting on the couch, Brian tightened his grip on AJ’s wrist and gave him a beseeching look. “Please, Alex, it’s not the answer. All of this is said and done, it’s over with. Nothing you do can change what he did.”

A scream tickled the back of AJ’s throat. He held it in, but just barely. It made his voice rougher when he spoke. “No one, and I mean no one, has the right to treat you like that. He can’t get away with those…those…lies! He can’t just use you and hurt you and walk away as if everything’s ok! I’ll make him bleed for every fucking tear he made you shed!”

To AJ’s surprise there seemed to be a light growing in Brian’s eyes. A love. Almost as if AJ’s temper was reassuring him and making him feel better. “He’s not worth it.” He insisted softly.

“But dammit, you are!” AJ shouted back at him. He pulled on his hand, trying to get it free. But Brian just rose as if AJ had been pulling him up. He stepped close, reaching his other hand out to lay it on the side of AJ’s neck.

“To hear you say that means more than you’ll ever know, Alex. To look at you and know that you really mean it. That you love me that much. Even after everything I said, you still love me that much.”

“Well no shit? Why wouldn’t I! You didn’t do anything wrong. It was that mother fucking, cock sucking little rat bastard wh-”

Brian leaned in and pressed his lips against AJ’s, effectively cutting him off. The kiss carried so much emotion to it that it staggered AJ. He could do nothing but stand there and kiss him back with all of his love.

When he pulled back, Brian’s eyes were warm and bright. Still slightly damp from his tears they almost seemed to sparkle. There was no more pain there. Only a love that burned so bright and strong that it left AJ speechless and drained the last of his anger away. “Alexander James Mclean, I can’t deny it to myself anymore. I don’t want to. I love you.”

Joy spiraled through AJ. He didn’t think about it but simply responded. On a small cry he leaned in and kissed Brian. Those three words were the ones he had always wanted to hear, and never thought he would. He pulled back and smiled widely. “Say it again.” he begged.

Brian chuckled happily. “I love you. I love you, Alex.”

Crying out with the joy of it, AJ flung his arms around Brian’s neck and kissed him again. The exuberance of his embrace had them falling onto the couch. AJ just barely managed to catch himself on his knees. It left him straddling Brian’s lap. When he broke their kiss he would have moved, but Brian’s hands found his hips and his eyes were twinkling.

“You gonna say anything to me?” Brian asked him teasingly.

AJ realized that he’d been so overjoyed that he hadn’t even responded with words. He did so now, saying them between kisses. “I…love…you….Brian.” He ended with one long kiss that had both of them pushing against one another.

The sound of the door banging open startled the both of them from their kiss. AJ barely had time to turn his head to see what the hell had made that noise when something grabbed the collar of his shirt and yanked him backwards, sending him flying to the floor.

“Kevin!” Brian’s voice echoed through the room, full of surprise and anger. He rose to his feet.

“What the hell is this?” Kevin was shouting. He looked absolutely livid as he stood over them both. “What the fuck are you two doing?”

The rage that AJ had banked down before now came roaring back to life. It hazed his vision and filled him with adrenaline. Using that, he shoved off the ground and launched to his feet with the intent of ramming straight into Kevin. But Brian knew him well and just managed to stick his arm out, catching AJ right in his stomach.

The two stumbled, AJ almost managing to grab hold of Kevin and Brian barely managing to keep them both upright. Kevin stumbled back a step from surprise at AJ’s sudden attack, but then his face hardened and he stepped forward. “Let him go, Brian.”

“Are you insane?” Brian snapped out while he struggled to hold AJ back.

“Let the little fag go. I’ll kick his fucking ass for being in here like that on you. I told you not to push yourself at him! I told you to back the fuck off, you God damn little shit! It’s a good fucking thing Stephen told me…”

Anything else Kevin would have said was cut off by a roar of rage from AJ. He redoubled his efforts to try and get free. “Enough, Alex!” Brian snapped at him. AJ just kept trying to pull free. To his astonishment, Brian suddenly grabbed a hold of him firmly and shoved him back on to the couch. “Enough!” he shouted. “Sit right there and shut up for one fucking minute!”

AJ gaped as Brian turned back to Kevin. “As for you, what the hell are you talking about? An who do you think you are, to come barging in here like you own the place?” Hands on his hips, Brian stared furiously at his cousin.

That just seemed to flabbergast Kevin. He gestured angrily at AJ. “I found out earlier that he’s in love with you. That’s why he’s been spending so much damn time with you lately! I knew he’d push himself at you! Then Stephen told me that AJ just as good as admitted it to him that he was going to try something. I knew I had to come down. Dammit, I was helping you!”

“Helping me? Did it look like I was resisting him?” Brian snapped back. His words seemed to floor Kevin. “Furthermore, I wouldn’t trust a damn word out of Stephen’s mouth.”

“Brian! You…you’re not gay. You’re not. Don’t talk like that, don’t insinuate that. You’ll only encourage him! Don’t try to badmouth Steph either! He’s been our friend for years. He was only trying to look out for you!”

AJ growled low in his throat at that, but a gesture from Brian had him settling back. He had never seen Brian this livid before. It was almost…sexy.

“God, Kevin, you have no idea what the hell you’re talking about. AJ wasn’t pushing himself on me. I was kissing him as much as he was kissing me!”

Kevin’s eyes grew wide and he staggered back again. “I don’t believe it.” The words were torn from him. His eyes drifted over to AJ and they grew hard again. “You! This is all your fault! You’ve done something to him you little faggot!”

“Dammit, enough!” Brian practically screamed it. He put one hand to Kevin’s chest and shoved him back a full step. “If you don’t knock it off I swear to God that the next time I will step out of the way and let AJ kick your ass, are we clear on that? He did not ‘do something’ to me to make me this way. I’ve been this way for a long time, Kevin!”

A crowd was gathering at the door, witness to their argument. AJ saw Howie and Nick’s sympathetic faces and was glad they were smart enough to stay back out of the way.

“How could you, Brian? You know how wrong this is! This isn’t what you were raised to be!”

“I was raised to believe in love in all its forms, Kevin, just the same as you. I love him. Do you hear me? I love him, and not a damn thing you say is going to change that.”

Kevin stepped forward again, raising a finger to point at Brian. “Brian Thomas you knock this insanity off right now. If your mother heard you talking like this it would break her heart.”

That was the limit for AJ. He had heard enough, and had sat by long enough. He took hold of Brian’s hand and stood, not making a threatening move but just staying by Brian’s side. “I’ve had about enough of this.” He spoke quietly but with that steel under his words that everyone who knew him recognized as him being furious. “This is my room. Mine. You had no right to barge in and manhandle me. But more so, you have no right to stand here and demean him. I won’t stand for it. If you want to fight with him, that’s family business and can be done on your own time. But this is my room, and I will not stand here and let you insult him and myself. Now, get out.”

“I’m not-”

“Get out!” At the end of his control AJ pointed a quivering hand toward the door. Brian stood quietly by his side. The look on his face showed them all that he was firmly on AJ’s side and wasn’t going to interfere.

After a moment of tense silence, Kevin shot them both another glare and turned to storm from the room, slamming the door shut behind him.  
   
NEXT PART

With a deep sigh Brian let go of the tension that was sitting inside of him. “Well, didn’t that just go well?” The sarcastic words slipped past his lips before he even thought about them. Beside him, AJ snickered. “Oh, perfectly.” He teased.

Surprisingly there wasn’t any anger in AJ’s voice. Brian turned just enough to look at AJ’s face. There was no anger in his eyes or on his face. Just humor and love. A smile curved Brian’s lips. He found himself responding to AJ’s easy going attitude. The last of his tension faded away. A chuckle built in his throat. “Did you see Kevin’s face when I told him I wasn’t resisting you?”

AJ threw his head back and laughed. He flashed Brian a wide grin. “I thought that vein in his head was gonna burst.”

Helplessly Brian started to laugh. It seemed so normal, so natural, to lean down and give AJ a quick kiss. “I don’t think he expected me to yell back at him.”

“Hell, sugar, I didn’t either! But I do have to say that you’re awfully sexy when you get pissed like that.” A twinkle in AJ’s eyes told Brian exactly how attractive AJ had found it. He felt an answering response inside of him, surprising him. Never before had he found himself so easily turned on by another person, male or female.

Stephen had always been attractive to him, and looking at him had always put those butterflies down in Brian’s stomach. But with AJ sometimes he didn’t even have to look at him. He just had to hear him enter a room, or smell his cologne, or hear his raspy laugh, and chills would run down his spine. Part of him wanted so much to touch, and taste, and see how big the attraction would grow. Yet at the same time he was still terrified that Stephen was right. That he was cold in bed. That AJ would leave him once they were intimate. He didn’t know if his heart could take that.

Something of what he felt must have showed in his eyes because AJ’s face became serious. Their eyes locked, and the emotions that passed between them held them spellbound. Neither could have looked away to save their life.

“I wish I could chase those shadows out of your eyes, sugar.” AJ’s voice was low and soft. It sent chills down Brian’s spine.

He wanted to tell AJ that he already was. That, in so many ways, he was taking the darkness and replacing it with light. AJ’s reaction to his story had taken away a large amount of Brian’s sorrow. Most people would have offered words of comfort after hearing what Brian had to say. They might have hugged him, or whispered words of love. But not AJ. He had reacted with fury. Somehow, that meant more to Brian than any kind words ever would have.

To think that AJ had been that furious in defense of him made Brian feel as if he was worth defending. Like he was worthy of loving care. It took that horrible moment that had broken him and cast it in a different light. Instead of feeling sorrow and shame, Brian could see through AJ’s eyes the injustice of it all. The anger that he had been treated that way by someone who was supposed to love him. Witnessing how livid AJ had been gave Brian back some of his confidence. Maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t as worthless as he had thought. Maybe he did deserve to have someone love him. It was a thrilling thought.

But he couldn’t find the words to express his thoughts. They wouldn’t seem to form. So, using that new confidence that AJ had given him, he did the only thing he could think of to show AJ how he made him feel. He leaned in and kissed him.

It wasn’t a quick peck or even a slow and sweet kiss. In it was everything that Brian felt but couldn’t say. AJ instantly reacted, stepping close as he kissed him back with a passion that left Brian staggered. He felt amazed at how easily and quickly AJ was responding to him. It made him feel desirable, which was something he hadn’t felt for a while now.

AJ let go of Brian’s hand so that he could slide his hands around Brian’s waist, pulling him close so that their bodies were pressed tightly together. Automatically Brian laced his hands together behind AJ’s neck and melted into the embrace. He flicked his tongue out, tracing AJ’s warm lips, and was rewarded with a low moan that turned him on even more.

When the two finally pulled apart they were both breathing heavy. AJ dropped his head down, resting his forehead against Brian’s shoulder. His voice was lower and slightly shaky when he spoke. “God, you make me forget myself. It’s like I lose all ability to think when you touch me.”

Hearing those raspy words sent another thrill through him. He couldn’t help asking “Really?”

AJ lifted his face so that he could look Brian in the eyes. For the first time, ever, Brian saw past every shield that AJ ever put in place. He held nothing back in his eyes, letting it all come forth so that Brian could see the truth of his words. In those warm chocolate eyes was more love than Brian had ever thought possible, and a lust that was bigger than anything he had ever seen. With one look, AJ was showing Brian his heart and soul. Showing him the truth of everything he had been saying. “My God…” Brian whispered.

“You’re my everything, Brian. There will never be anyone for me but you. Being around you makes my heart race. When you touch me like this, everything in my mind just melts. I ache for you in ways I never have for anyone else. You kiss me and my body is on fire. Hell, you walk into a room and I ache for wanting you.”

There was no doubting the sincerity of his words, not when it was all right there in his eyes. “Alex.” It was all he could manage to say. But that one word said so much.

They leaned in at the same time, lips seeking one another with more urgency than they had before. This time they didn’t hold back their passion, neither one of them, but let it flow freely between them. AJ was pulling him close, his grip almost crushing, and yet Brian could only wish that he would hold him tighter.

When they pulled back this time, Brian knew what he wanted. Keeping his eyes on AJ’s he took a step back, saw the shock flash for a second, and he took AJ’s hand. As he started to lead him back to the bedroom the shock in AJ’s eyes changed back to love, and darkened with lust. He didn’t ask Brian if he was sure, if this was what he really wanted. There was no need. Brian had never felt surer of anything in his entire life.

He chased away the doubts that Stephen had put in his mind. There was no room for him in this bed, between them, on this night. This was about him and AJ. He would let nothing else mar the beauty of their first time together. Of this first night, when he finally recognized and admitted his love, and the passion was growing. This was a night for them.

There was no rush. Brian wanted to take his time and savor in the sensations running through him. This seemed so special, so right. They stopped beside the bed, the room lit only by moonlight. It seemed appropriate.

With a gentleness far deeper than anything he’d known he possessed, Brian leaned in and captured AJ’s lips for a soul shattering kiss. His hands rested on AJ’s hips, just as AJ’s rested on his. He slid his hands under the hem of AJ’s shirt, up to the warm skin underneath, just barely touching. It felt wonderful. He could feel the softness of AJ’s skin, and the way his stomach seemed to quiver under Brian’s hands.

Pulling back, Brian looked into AJ’s eyes as he grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled up. AJ lifted his arms, allowing the shirt to be taken up and off before it was tossed to the floor. Brian smiled as AJ did the same to him.

He couldn’t look away from AJ’s face; even as the younger man looked down to admire the skin revealed. Lust made his eyes even darker. A joy tickled Brian’s spine when he saw AJ lift his hands and place them against his stomach and he realized that they were shaking. Then he shivered as AJ’s hands traced up and over his scar. He shivered again when AJ leaned in and first kissed that scar and then ran his tongue over it. Pleasure shot through him.

“It devastated me when you went in for this.” AJ whispered huskily. He kissed that puckered skin again, letting his lips trail over it. His breath tickled against the light moisture from his kisses. “I was terrified that something would happen to you and I’d never be able to look into your beautiful eyes again. Or hear your laugh.”

“You’ve wanted me for that long?” The thought floored him.

AJ trailed his kisses further up, over Brian’s collarbone and to his neck. It felt wonderful. He put his hands on AJ’s hips again, sliding over that soft skin. “I’ve wanted you for a long time, Brian. I just never thought I’d be able to have you.”

“And now you do.”

“Yes.” AJ moved his mouth, nuzzling just underneath Brian’s ear, causing his body to shiver. “Now I do.”

Very lightly AJ pushed against him, backing him into the bed. Brian went willingly. He allowed AJ to lay him back, planting his heels to help scoot up into the bed. Then AJ was over him, bracing himself on one arm. His other hand rested on Brian’s hip, lightly stroking the skin there. He looked down with those piercing eyes of his. “You are so beautiful.”

Brian lifted his hands to run them up and down AJ’s back. “So are you.” He whispered back. It was the truth. No one had ever looked more beautiful to him than AJ did right at that moment. Not even Stephen. Never once had he captivated Brian the way that AJ was.

Dipping his head back down, AJ attached his lips to Brian’s collarbone, nipping and sucking the skin there. That familiar ache started low down in his loins, growing with each brush of AJ’s lips, each nip of his teeth. When AJ went lower, flicking his tongue across an already hard nipple, Brian convulsively dug his fingers into AJ’s back, his nails biting into the skin, eliciting a low growl from AJ.

AJ took the hard nipple in his mouth, sucking on it as his hand came up to roll the other between his fingers. Soon he had Brian arching and gasping underneath him. His nipples had always been so sensitive. AJ switched his mouth and hand so that he was now sucking on that other nipple, drawing it to the same tortured point as the other.

“God, Alex…” Brian was losing the ability to think. He tried to return the touches, but AJ was plastering their bodies together so that Brian could only stroke the skin of his back, his arms. “I want to touch you too, Alex.”

“Patience, sugar.” AJ chuckled against Brian’s skin, flicking his tongue out as he traced the lines down his stomach. “Tonight I want to be about you. I want to put to rest all your fears.”

Then he was kissing along the abdominal muscles that ran down underneath his jeans, stopping just at the top of his pants before moving to the other side. When he had Brian writhing beneath him he moved back up. Brian eagerly met his kisses, loving the feel as skin pressed against skin. There was so much sensation running through him that he was having a hard time putting anything together in his mind. All he knew was he wanted him.

While they kissed AJ’s hips started a slow grinding motion that had Brian gasping against his mouth. He grinded back up at him, trying to get more of that sensation. Even through the jeans it felt amazing. Without realizing it his hands were clenching and unclenching on AJ’s shoulders while their kiss grew more urgent.

“Please…” Brian found himself begging. He slid his hands down, letting them dip into the back of AJ’s jeans and under his boxers. He cupped his ass, pulling their hips together. All thoughts of savoring the evening were sliding from his head. He wanted him more than he had ever wanted anything or anyone. It was like a fire inside of him, burning brighter and brighter.

One of AJ’s hands traveled down even as he was nipping at Brian’s bottom lip gently. Brian never felt his jeans unsnap or unzip, but AJ’s hand was suddenly sliding under the material, brushing against the head of his throbbing erection. He moaned into AJ’s mouth and his body jerked, trying to get more.

AJ chuckled, their lips still pressed against one another so that Brian seemed to swallow the sound. He actually whimpered a little when AJ pulled back, resting on his knees on the bed. He pulled his hand out and reached for the top of Brian’s jeans and boxers. Slowly he started to slide them off, kissing the skin on Brian’s legs as it was revealed.

Without AJ’s body over him Brian had nothing to hold on to, so he fisted his hands in the bedspread. AJ was driving him mad with need. His erection sprang free from his clothes, slapping against his stomach. He gasped at the cool air in the room brushed against it. But AJ didn’t touch him there. He continued to trial his kisses down, over his knees and his calves, until his pants were completely gone and he was naked on the bed.

Only then did AJ start to kiss back up, taking his time to taste and savor every inch of exposed skin. When he came close to that one area that Brian wanted him to touch the most he still did not. He kissed all around him, taking his sweet time working in to what they both wanted.

Brian was blind to everything around him. His eyes stared, unseeing, up at the ceiling as his body twisted and writhed on the bed underneath AJ’s warm mouth. When finally, oh sweet God, AJ touched his lips to Brian’s swollen head, his hips jumped up off the bed and a whimper slid past his lips. AJ chuckled and flicked his tongue out, tasting the precum that had leaked out.

He let his tongue slide down, tracing against the vein that ran on the underside of his cock, down to the base and back up again. Once he reached the top he took just Brian’s tip into his mouth, suckling the skin. Brian gasped and clutched the bedspread harder in an effort not to reach down and grab AJ’s head. “Alex, please…Alex…” His name fell from Brian’s lips like a prayer.

With a small smile on his face, AJ answered that prayer. Sucking ever so gently he slid his mouth further and further down, opening his throat to take him in until he was totally buried in AJ’s mouth. The feeling was amazing. Brian’s hips moved of their own accord, seeking more. Needing more. He barely heard his soft begging, but even when he did he didn’t care.

Agonizingly slow, AJ started to move his head, sliding up and back down, suckling him all the while, letting his tongue run around him. It was too much. It wasn’t enough. Hands on his hips held him down so that he couldn’t buck but his body still tried.

Pleasure filled him, spilling over his body in waves that threatened to take him under. Nothing had ever felt like this before. He was lost in the ocean of it all. Gradually AJ picked up his pace, bobbing his head faster and faster, taking more and more from him until Brian was breathless and yet panting on the bed. He could feel his orgasm starting way down in his toes, seeming to build like a bright light inside of him. He couldn’t speak to warn AJ. But his lover seemed to know.

If anything, it spurred AJ on. He sucked more and more, taking Brian in deep with each bob of his head. The pleasure grew, that light filling him, until AJ slid down again and sucked, hard, just as Brian hit the back of his throat. It was more than his body could take. With a strangled cry he stiffened, digging his heels into the bed and fisting his hands in the sheets as his body seemed to explode in flashes of light.

AJ stayed where he was, swallowing every drop that Brian offered until there was nothing left to take, nothing more he could give. Only then did he pull away, letting Brian’s cock slip from his mouth. He licked his lips as he slid upwards.

He captured Brian’s lips together, and it was terribly erotic to taste himself in AJ’s kiss. Those warm hands were sliding over his skin, touching every inch of him. Even though he had just come, Brian felt his body start to respond again. That amazed him. The need was growing in his belly all over again, bringing those sensations back to life as AJ’s tongue dueled with his, tasting and teasing.

With frantic hands Brian reached down, taking hold of AJ’s jeans. His hands were shaking as he unbuttoned them and pushed to slide them off of his hips. Together they managed to get them down enough that AJ could kick them off. Brian spread his legs, letting AJ slide between them, gasping as skin met skin.

“Now, now…” Brian chanted, rolling his hips. He couldn’t stand it anymore. He needed to feel AJ inside of him. Needed it more than anything in the world. AJ seemed to sense this and wasted no time in reaching down to rub a hand over himself, using his own precum as a lubrication. Once he was ready he spread Brian’s knees and positioned himself.

Their eyes locked as he started to slide in. Brian gasped at the mix of pain and pleasure. He couldn’t hold AJ’s gaze and squeezed his eyes shut as the burning filled him. He took steady, deep breaths as AJ pushed all the way in, stopping only when he was fully buried. In the darkened room Brian could hear AJ’s labored breaths.

Kisses rained down on his face as AJ tried to soothe him. Slowly the burn faded and Brian moved his hips to let AJ know he was ready. He heard the younger man gasp at feeling Brian moving. Then he was moving, slow and steady thrusts that had Brian reaching toward that light again.

Pants and gasps filled the room, echoing in their ears. Hands ran over skin, needing to touch, even as lips joined together. The need had grown in them both until it was almost a frantic thing. Their bodies were pushing and pulling, reaching for that light together, taking them higher and higher.

Brian felt his second orgasm of the night building quicker than the first. He knew AJ was close as well by the way he was thrusting; slightly more desperate and uneven. He hit that one spot deep inside that had Brian’s brain exploding and a gasp tearing out of his throat.

That light built again until he was blinded by it. It filled him until he felt as if his body should burst with the strength of it. Then it did. His hips jerked with the force of it and his back arched as he threw his head back against the pillow and his hands clenched around AJ’s biceps. He screamed AJ’s name as his world exploded in a burst of light and sensation and love. Vaguely he heard AJ give a shout and a growl as he, too, lost control.

Sweaty, the two collapsed together, rolling slightly sideways as AJ slid from Brian’s body with a gasp. Limbs tangled together. They lay face to face on the pillow, panting from the force of their orgasms.

Brian could think of nothing else to say other than “I love you, Alex.”

“I love you too, Brian.”  
   
NEXT PART

The two spent the night in each other’s arms. It was the most peaceful night of sleep they’d ever gotten. Once they cleaned up they’d climbed back into AJ’s bed and snuggled close. No words had been spoken between them as they’d happily drifted off.

Now morning light was filling the room, and someone was banging on the front door, and the phone was ringing. AJ wished vaguely that he could find a way to shut everything up. Then he decided he didn’t care. He was awake enough to recognize the feel of arms wrapped around him, and the warmth of the chest underneath his cheek.

Somewhere during the night they had rolled, with Brian ending up on his back and AJ laying half on top of him. Brian’s arms had come up and wrapped around AJ’s waist, anchoring them together. It felt wonderful. He could have stayed like that for the rest of his natural life and been totally content.

But Brian was too much a good guy. He reached one hand out to grope for the phone, shifting them until AJ was off his chest and by his side. He did it gently, as if he feared waking him. “Hello?” Brian’s voice was a gentle murmur that seemed to float on the edges of AJ’s mind. A sigh slid past his lips and he snuggled in closer to Brian’s side.

AJ barely paid any attention as the knocking stopped. He didn’t even bother listening to what Brian was saying into the phone. All his half asleep brain was processing was the warmth of Brian’s skin, and the realization that they were both still naked.

Smiling, AJ turned his head to nuzzle against Brian’s shoulder and brought one of his hands up to slide over Brian’s stomach and chest. He drew one leg up, over Brian’s and sliding it between. His lips curved when he heard Brian gasp and stutter slightly into the phone. A moment later the phone was set back on its hook and Brian was suddenly rolling them over, pinning AJ to the bed underneath him.

“Just what do you think you’re doing?” He asked in that sweet southern drawl of his.

AJ let his legs slide apart and grinded upwards into Brian, enjoying watching as his lover’s eyes glazed over and his breath hitched. “I was trying to entice you to fuck me.” AJ stated bluntly. “Is it working yet?”

He grinned at the way that Brian’s pupils dilated and his breath caught. Then he was being kissed senseless and there was no more time for grinning. Brian started a slow, mind blowing grind against him, adding fuel to the already blazing fire inside of AJ. It wasn’t enough. Not near enough.

Moaning, he brought his legs up and wrapped them around Brian’s waist, rolling his hips as he did. “I don’t want it slow.” He growled against Brian’s lips. “I’ve been dreaming about you all night. I want you hard, and hot, and fast, and now.”

Brian’s eyes were like blue fire. They were so intense that they almost took AJ’s breath away as they stared at him. “It’ll hurt if we don’t prepare you.”

“I don’t care.” AJ gasped. He rotated his hips and tightened his legs, bringing Brian closer to him. “I need you. Now, now.” Reaching a hand down, he took hold of Brian’s dick and started to stroke, lubricating him with his own moisture as he guided him toward his entrance. When Brian’s head was there, AJ let go and grasped Brian’s biceps. He knew he was being demanding but he didn’t care. He’d been telling the truth before. All night long he’d dreamt about Brian so that he woke this morning hard and aching and needy.

Brian seemed to catch on to his mood. He leaned down and ravaged AJ’s mouth, biting and kissing and licking and driving him mad even as he pushed in against the slight resistance. AJ moaned louder. For him, the pain and the pleasure were strong, melding together as one so that he couldn’t tell them apart. It was almost too much.

He didn’t give either of them a moment to adjust. As soon as Brian was buried in him, AJ started to move his hips, trying to get that movement started. His hands came up, fisting in Brian’s curls, holding him down for a kiss.

With a low growl of his own, Brian took control of their lovemaking. He grabbed AJ’s wrists, holding them in a vice grip above his head and started to thrust hard and fast into him until the bed was banging into the wall.

AJ cried out at the sensation, breaking their kiss to throw his head back. He tried to grab onto something, anything, but the way Brian held his wrists prevented him from getting anything into his grip. So he clenched and unclenched his fists in the air while his body pumped to meet Brian thrust for thrust.

When Brian attacked the side of his neck, biting the skin there, AJ gasped. When Brian moved his mouth lower, biting and sucking on his collarbone, AJ couldn’t hold it in anymore. His body bucked and convulsed as his orgasm hit him like a fist. It was Brian’s mouth over his that muffled the scream he would have set free. Then he was swallowing Brian’s moaning shout as he reached that peak and spilled himself deep inside of AJ.

They collapsed to the bed, gasping for air and covered in sweat.

After a few minutes of trying to get his heartbeat under control, AJ rolled his head to the side and looked at Brian. “So,” he said, giving a small half grin. “Who was on the phone before?”

It was comical the way that Brian’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and then rose up in alarm. “Fuck!” Hearing him swear in that country boy voice actually had AJ stirring a little, but he tampered it down. “What, sugar?”

“It was Howie on the phone, and at the door. We’ve got an hour to get ourselves to the suite at the end of the hall for that stupid interview. They want time to get makeup and shit going, and clothes. Well, less than that, now, and we both need to shower.”

“Hm. Well, we better go shower than.” AJ said with a grin. He rolled over Brian and off to the other side of the bed. On the way he grabbed Brian’s hand, pulling him with him and towards the bathroom.

“Alex!” Brian laughed when he realized AJ’s intent. “If I go in there with you, you know we’re not going to do much washing.”

AJ felt his grin spread over his whole face. “I’ll wash your back if you wash mine.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I told you.” Brian whispered to him later as they walked down the hall. “We’re already running ten minutes late!”

AJ gave him a wide grin and winked, putting his arm over Brian’s shoulders. It was a safe move, because it was something he’d done to all of them at one point. It was a very casual, friendly, platonic gesture. But the words he whispered in Brian’s ear weren’t. “I can’t help it, Bri. Your body, it just drives me to distraction. I can’t help wanting you. Now that I’ve had you, it’s all I can think about.”

The look Brian slanted him had AJ’s blood heating all over again. It was straight sex. “Trust me, if we didn’t have to work, that’s exactly where we’d be. But we have this evening, and tonight, and all day tomorrow. We’ve just got to get this work out of the way first. Then my body can be yours, and your body will be mine.”

Sweet Jesus. How was he supposed to work now? “You fight dirty.” AJ hissed at him as they stepped inside the suite.

Throwing him a wink, Brian pulled away to head toward the sounds in the main room. “Alex, you aint seen nothing yet.”

He couldn’t help growling as he set off down the hallway after him. As carefully as possible, AJ snuck into the room and around people, making a beeline for the patio so he could have a quick smoke before this started. There hadn’t been a chance for one while they’d been getting ready. Not after their morning romp in bed, and then the shower, and then again against the wall in the hallway…

With a sigh of relief AJ stepped onto the patio and pulled out his cigarettes. He didn’t notice anyone was there until after his cigarette was already lit. Then his eyes slid up and found Stephen out there, leaning against the railing and looking down at the fans below. “Well hello, AJ.” Stephen said coldly, a smile plastered on his face as he stared below.

Resigned to sharing the patio for the duration of a smoke, AJ figured he didn’t have to talk. So he walked to the edge, as he always did to wave at fans, but stayed as far from Stephen as he could and ignored him. AJ flashed the people on the street a grin and waved at them all, blowing kisses occasionally. The screams would grow louder as he did.

“Quite the little fan base down there. I wonder how they’d react if they knew about you and little Saint Littrell?”

AJ ignored it all. He pulled out the little cards he’d put in his back pocket, just for this reason. With his cigarette dangling from his lips, AJ folded the little cards one by one and sent them flying down toward the ground. Each one had an autograph from one of the guys on it. Girls went wild as they tried to catch them.

“Everyone on the floor heard you fucking him last night. From the way you sounded he must have finally learned a little something about the whole business. Submissive little Littrell, I always called him. He never could take the initiative. He was always the…how do people put it? Oh, yes. The female in the relationship.”

That was a little too much for AJ. He kept his temper under lock and key as best he could, but he wasn’t going to let the idiot think he was getting the upper hand here. So AJ turned and flashed him a smile, stepping closer and resting his hip against the edge of the patio wall. His backside was a little too tender to lean back against it. But that was ok. He considered it a more than fair trade off.

“Is that what you think?” AJ asked casually, flicking his ashes. “Interesting.” He grinned and looked back out over the sea of girls.

After a minute Stephen spoke again, sounding irritated that he had to. “What’s so interesting?” he snapped.

“You calling him submissive. I find that interesting.”

“Oh yeah?”

Internally, AJ grinned. Hell yeah, he was getting to him. It was very satisfying. “Yep. I guess every person’s view is different, but I don’t know. He didn’t seem very submissive to me.”

Stephen gave him a sharp glare. “We’ll see if you still say that a few months down the road when you find that you always have to be the one to start things. The one to take control. You’ll know what I mean then.”

Unable to help himself, AJ laughed out loud. “Oh, Stephen. You think he’s just some pathetic little weakling. You may have known him longer, but you really don’t know Brian at all. Submissive? Was he being submissive when he pinned my hands above my head?” AJ moved his wristbands, showing the light bruises that Brian had left on his wrists. Seeing them thrilled AJ. They had been worth it. “Was he being submissive when he pinned me to the bed and thrust into me so hard our entire bed slammed into the wall? Or, wait…was he submissive when he shoved me against the wall in the hallway and took me, right there, too anxious to even wait for the bed? Which one of those is being submissive? I’m confused.”

A dangerous glint entered Stephen’s eyes. He stood silently for a moment. Just as AJ started to step away, Stephen gave him a razor thin smile. “Maybe I’ll have to…test things out, so to speak, before I go home. It never was hard to convince him to get in bed with me. Just to see this new side of him you’re talking about.”

AJ froze in place. He had to force his body to move slowly and carefully, or he knew he’d pick the conceited fucker up and throw him off the patio.

Putting his hip back against the railing, AJ brought his body close to Stephen’s, leaning down to speak in a low voice. “First off, you know nothing about Brian if you think he’d willingly cheat. Second of all…” Here AJ dropped his hand down and grabbed hold of Stephen’s dick through his slacks in a crushing grip. His own body and the patio’s cement wall sheltered them enough that no one saw what he was doing. But Stephen’s body went tense, and his eyes bulged in his head. “…you bring this anywhere near my boyfriend, and I will personally cut it off and shove it down your lying, cheating throat.” He squeezed again for good measure, satisfied by the hiss of pain that Stephen made. “Are we clear on this?”

“Perfectly.” Stephen said through gritted teeth.

The patio door opened and Nick poked his head out. “Age! Makeup’s pitching a bitch looking for you.”

“On my way, Nick. Thanks!” AJ called back. He let go of Stephen and stepped away. Stopping to put his cigarette out in the ashtray, he gave him one last look over his shoulder. “Remember what I said.” Before walking back inside.  
   
NEXT PART

Brian made good on his promise once the interview was over. For the rest of that day and night they stayed in the room, barely leaving their bed. It was a wonderful time for the both of them, exploring one another. Learning those little things about one another. They didn’t just make love, but talked as well. Now that the dam had been opened for Brian, he found himself capable of talking about so many things. He told AJ more things that evening than he had ever told anyone. AJ shared things with him, too, that he didn’t tell just anyone.

It was just what they needed. It took the bond they had built as friends and brought it up to a whole other level. By the time the next morning rolled around, they had both found a peace in each other and in life that had them smiling.

Looking back, AJ wished it could have lasted longer.

But that morning had reality intruding on them. The two men had barely been awake, and were contemplating what they wanted for breakfast, when a knock sounded on their door. AJ had just been heading out for a smoke, so Brian smiled and said that he’d get it.

He opened the door to find Howie on the other side, smiling at him. In that smile was the knowledge of what they’d been doing in there. Brian found himself blushing. In the heat of the moment neither man had really paid much attention to being quiet. “Hey, D.”

“Morning, Brian.” Howie’s grin grew at the sight of Brian’s blush. “Is J around? I was hoping to chat with him for a minute.” The smile wiped off of Howie’s face. That worried Brian a little, but he was too respectful to comment on it. Whatever was going on it was obviously between the two of them.

“Yeah, he’s out smoking. I’ll give you guys some privacy. Just let Alex know I ran down to grab a paper and some food, ok? I’ll be back in like, ten or fifteen?” He phrased the last part of it as a question to make sure that was long enough for Howie.

Howie’s smile briefly came back. “Thanks, Bri. That’s perfect.”

The two switched places, Brian sliding on shoes and heading out and Howie heading in to go after AJ.

Brian grabbed a coat too, to try and hide himself a little. Not that he was going out of the hotel, but he still didn’t want to get caught by too many people in the hallways. He caught the elevator down to the main floor where it was surprisingly empty except for regular staff and security. The gift shop and coffee shop, which were in the same room, were both open so he headed inside.

For a while he cruised the shelves, killing time by looking at the little things there. He found a comfortable, simple black ball cap and bought it for himself, as well as a paper. He put the hat on his head as he moved over to order two coffees and two cinnamon rolls from the coffee shop. While he waited for those to be made, he took a seat on the tall stools there and opened his paper.

He hadn’t paid any attention when he’d grabbed it and paid for it, but a tagline on the front caught his attention and had his blood running cold. “Backstreet Boys – the truth behind the lies.” Underneath it was a small picture of him, and next to it a picture of AJ.

Trembles overtook his fingers as he opened the paper to the right page and started to read. He was so engrossed in the words that he never heard the person come over and set his order in front of him. Nothing else existed in the world except for the article he was reading.

Pain and numbness filled him the further he read. Then, steadily, anger took its place. By the time he was finished reading he was furious.

Hands shaking, he rolled the paper, grabbed the tray with the coffees and rolls and stormed from the coffee shop. He paid no attention to anything else as he rushed to get back upstairs.

If what he’d read was true, he was going to kill AJ.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“He what?” AJ exclaimed. He stared at his best friend in shock. The cigarette in his mouth almost fell out as he gaped slightly.

Howie sat in one of the patio chairs, running a hand through his hair. “He told me everything. I questioned him about it enough, because now that we all know about you and Brian, certain things weren’t adding up. So Nick confessed finally about why he’d said those things to you, and the bet he’d tried to get you to make so he could get you and Brian together. I can’t believe you’d take that kind of bet, Alex!”

“I didn’t!”

“What?” Now Howie looked confused instead of annoyed.

AJ paced away, one hand absently going down to worry at the hem of the shirt he was wearing. Brian’s shirt, actually. “I told him it was cold to bet on a friend’s feelings, and that it was a bullshit thing to do. I told him I wouldn’t. He tried to trick me into agreeing to it by calling me a chicken. Then more so by calling me a fag. He thought if he got me pissed enough it would make me do it just to spite him. But I never agreed, D, and I never gave it another thought since then.”

“Well you need to talk to Brian about this.” Howie leaned back and crossed his ankles. He didn’t question what AJ said, which was nice. He took what his friend said at face value and trusted him. There was no one that knew AJ better than Howie. Except for, maybe now, Brian.

AJ flicked his ashes before putting his cigarette back in his mouth. He let it dangle from his lips as he paced and rolled his shirt between his fingers. “No shit? Fancy fucking time for Nick to suddenly open his mouth and spill shit. He could get me royally fucked with this one. Brian will kill me if he finds this out through the grapevine.”

“Oh I think it’s a little late for that.”

The furious voice drew the attention of the two men, bringing them around to look at the open patio door where Brian stood. There was no denying the living fury in his eyes. AJ felt his stomach drop down to his toes and his heart rise up in his throat. “fuck.” He whispered to himself. Stepping forward, he paid no attention to Howie. His eyes were on Brian as he set his tray down on the patio table and moved toward him. “Bri, honey, it’s not what you think.”

“Oh, really, AJ?” The sarcasm in Brian’s tone had AJ flinching. He stared at the paper that Brian suddenly threw at him. It landed between them, in front of Howie. “What’s this, then?”

A feeling of dread coiled inside of AJ. He couldn’t force himself to move. It was Howie who bent down and picked the paper up, smoothing it out so that he could see what was there. His face lost all color. With a shaking voice, he started to read it.

“Backstreet Boys – the truth behind the lies.

Last night this writer was privileged to be called and asked to write a story about the truth – a story about the real Backstreet Boys. I’ll admit that I was skeptical at first but I agreed to the meeting. My source wishes to remain anonymous for fear of repercussions, but they felt that the truth needed to be told. He believed that the fans needed to know what was really going on behind the scenes and the lies that had been told to them for far too long.

In this candid interview I have learned some startling facts about our fresh faced boy band. They are not all as sweet and innocent as they portray themselves to be. In fact, they’re hiding some secrets that, if it was known in the mainstream, could potentially destroy their career. But I feel that the lies must be revealed and that the fans deserve to know the truth. So I wrote my article and rushed to get it in for submission.

The very first fact we uncovered concerns the rebel of the group, the famous womanizer, who is known for the ladies he woos and the charm he exudes. AJ Mclean, the ‘bad boy’ of the Backstreet Boys, has been keeping a secret from his fans for years. A secret about his sexuality. It seems that the man who is known for running through women like water is using that to cover up the truth. That he is gay. Not only gay, but in love with someone.

This leads us into our next secret. Recently, my source says, AJ got into it with one of the members of the band. An all-out fist fight. The result of this being that a bet was made. For years AJ has been in love with another member of the band, and apparently the youngest member of the group knew about it. So, my source says, a bet was made between the two that AJ could get their other member to open up to him. Not only that, but could woo him.

My source says that AJ emerged victorious. Who, you ask, is his ‘boyfriend’ now? Who was this bet in concern of? Well, this may be the biggest shocker of all! It is none other than our resident country boy, the back home Brian Littrell!

This begs the question of whether or not Mr. Littrell is even aware of the bet that was made. My source says no. “It was a cold, calculating bet that was made, and I don’t feel it’s right that Brian is unaware of it.” He said to me. “Nor is it right that the public has no idea about what’s really going on behind the scenes. How many parents would want their children listening to love songs sung by homosexuals? It puts their music into a whole new light.”

This reporter agrees with these statements and asks one final question. If they’re keeping secrets like this, what else are they keeping from us?”

Brian’s eyes stayed locked on AJ the entire time that Howie was reading. There was so much hurt and anger in there that AJ felt his heart breaking underneath it. Oh God. How was he going to get Brian to listen to him? To understand what had really happened?

“Bri, that wasn’t what really happened.” AJ tried to say. His voice broke slightly on the words.

“Oh, really? You mean you two didn’t make a bet? If I go and ask Nick right now he won’t admit to me that you two had a bet running?”

There was no denying the truth of that. In Nick’s eyes, AJ had accepted the bet. But there was so much more to it than that. “Nick tried to make a bet, but...”

“How on earth could you do that to me, AJ?” Brian cut in, his anger and hurt blending into one.

AJ reached a hand out in a pleading gesture. “I didn’t do anything to you! I didn’t accept his stupid bet!”

“Is that what your fight was about that day? Was it really about him calling you a fag or was that a lie? Just like everything else.”

Temper started to override some of AJ’s own hurt and worry. “I never lied to you, Brian Littrell. Not once! If you would just stop and listen to me for one fucking minute you’d understand!”

“I shouldn’t have to be listening to you right now! You should have told me about this by now! You should have let me know, even if you didn’t accept his stupid bet, what had happened! Keeping it from me is the same as lying. After everything I told you and all the shit I went through with Stephen how could you think that I wouldn’t need to know about this?”

“I didn’t deliberately keep it from you! God, you’re looking at this in the worst light possible. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t think about it. I didn’t agree to the stupid bet so I didn’t think about it beyond then. Give me some damn credit why don’t you?”

“Obviously it was remembered somewhere or else how the hell did it get out into the paper?” Brian’s voice was suddenly quiet. “No matter what, AJ, you should have been the one to tell me. The fact that you didn’t makes me question everything that’s happened since then. How can I know if I can trust you? That you’re not just using me, just like everyone else. Just like him.”

Those last words cut AJ straight to the heart. He stepped backward slightly as hurt coursed inside of him. A part of his brain knew that Brian was only lashing out. He’d been through so much pain lately that it wasn’t surprising that he reacted this way to what he saw as a lack of trust on AJ’s part. But the heart and the brain don’t always work the same. His heart felt that, after the last while of time together, Brian should have known better.

“If that’s how you feel, what the hell are you doing here then?”

“That’s a good question.” Brian answered him. After one last long look, he turned on his heel and left. AJ stared at him as he retreated through the hotel room and out the front door, taking a part of AJ’s heart with him.  
   
NEXT PART

The rest of the evening the two spent cloistered off in their rooms alone. One, lying in bed with his anger and hurt as cold comfort. The other, miserable with his guilt of not mentioning the bet, heart breaking and fighting the urge to drink. Each one ached for the other, and neither could force their pride down to go talk to them.

Brian was absolutely miserable. He had thought that he could trust AJ. Gradually AJ had worn his defenses down until he’d let him in and trusted him. Allowed him into his heart and basically gave him the key. To find out that he had been keeping this from him was devastating. What he’d said was true. Even if AJ hadn’t accepted the bet, he still should have told him. There had been ample time to do so.

It made him feel as if he had been used. Even more so than what Stephen had done. That alone told Brian exactly how much AJ mattered to him. Because this hurt worse than anything he had ever felt before. This was a betrayal. He was supposed to be able to trust AJ with his heart, and then he found out that he’d been keeping something this important from him. Maybe he didn’t realize the importance of saying something like this, but that wasn’t an excuse!

He had a very restless night, alternating between quietly raging and crying.

Down the hall, AJ’s night wasn’t any better. He sat in the chair on his patio all night long, watching the stars and smoking cigarette after cigarette. Slowly he was working past the hurt and wrapping his mind around everything that Brian had said. The way that Brian felt was justified. If it had been him, he knew he would have felt the same way.

What was important now was finding a way to fix this. A way to have Brian see that he had never meant to hurt him, and to show him that he loved him. Words wouldn’t work. With this all being because of words said, and the problems that words had caused Brian before, AJ knew that a simple discussion wasn’t going to work. But what could he do to show Brian that he loved him? That he was sincere?

Eventually, as dawn broke the sky, his started to wonder about the article itself. How on earth had they found out everything that they had? What kind of impact was this going to have on the band? Howie had stopped by before bed and told him that they’d met with press earlier, without AJ and Brian. That was at PR’s insistence.

That was fine. Let them give their speeches. Howie said that they weren’t bothering to deny anything. There was no point. It had already spread like a wildfire so fast and so quick that there was no way to stop it, only salvage the situation. The true test would come at the next show.

Watching the sunrise, AJ wondered vaguely how the show would go now. How many would refuse to come? How much damage would this do to their band?

Who had leaked the damn story in the first place?

The instant that question entered his mind, he knew there was only one answer, and it sent his rage sky high. With slow, deliberate movements, AJ rose and went inside to dress. He had two visits to make, very important ones, and the first was to Nick.

~~~~~~~~~

The expression on Nick’s face when he answered the door and found AJ there was almost priceless. Instantly he started to apologize. “I am so sorry about all of this, Age. D came and told me that you never meant it to look like you accepted the bet, and I was just stupid and I never should have made it in the first place but I have no idea who heard me and I just…”

AJ held a hand up to stem the flow of words. “Nick, shut up.” He said gently. From somewhere inside he managed to dreg up a smile. “I’m not mad at you. I just wanted to ask you a couple questions.”

“Anything, J.”

“Who was in the room when you told Howie?”

For a second Nick thought about it. “Just D and Kev, I think. No one else.”

AJ’s mind made the leap quickly. So that was how he had found out about it. From Kevin. “Ok, that’s all. Thank you.” There was something in his voice that had Nick worried. His young friend reached out and grabbed his arm as he turned away. “Where’re you going, J? Is everything ok?”

“It’s not right now, but it will be.”

~~~~~~~~~~

The next door that AJ came to he didn’t bother knocking on. He knew it was unlocked. Just as he knew that Kevin wasn’t there, seeing as how he’d enlisted Marcus to help him and had asked his security guard to take Kevin aside somewhere to ‘discuss how to treat security’ now that AJ was going to potentially be in danger from gay bashers.

That left one occupant in the room. The one he really wanted to talk to.

After strolling in, AJ shut the door behind him and flicked the latch closed. He didn’t want someone walking in on him and what he was about to do. The less who knew about this the better. It was why he hadn’t even told Howie. If no one knew, then no one else would be able to get in trouble with him if shit hit the fan.

He walked quietly in the room, his bare feet making it easier to be silent. He hadn’t bothered putting on shoes when he left the room. It didn’t take him long to find Stephen. The bastard was standing in the living room just getting ready to go sit on the couch. At the sight of AJ standing there he froze. “What do you want?”

A sharp smile curved AJ’s lips. This man was responsible for the shit they were all in right now. Oh, not all the way. AJ fully admitted his own culpability in the whole situation. But none of it would have come out this way, and their sexuality would not be fodder for the presses, if it wasn’t for this man standing before him. “Hello Stephen.”

Stephen’s eyes darted around the room before narrowing on AJ again. “Kevin isn’t here. He just left to go discuss security for your dumb ass.”

“I know. I asked Marcus to talk to him.”

That sentence seemed to unnerve Stephen. Quickly he regained his composure. “Then what the hell are you doing here?”

“I think you know.” AJ sauntered forward slowly. He had dressed specifically for this, knowing most likely how it would end. Comfortable jeans, not tight but not loose enough to need a belt. For a shirt he simply wore a plain black short sleeve. Nothing that would restrict his movements. Once he had his say, a part of him knew there was a high likelihood that this could come to blows, or worse. Stephen was not a balanced man. There was something wrong inside of his head. AJ had prepared himself for that. Not to forget that AJ knew his own fuse was short and he could even be the one to throw the first punch.

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. Why don’t you wander on back to your little girlfriend? Or, wait, I hear she’s not talking to you right now. Something about a nasty little bet you made. Tsk, tsk AJ. Betting on someone that way.”

“Oh, I suppose it’s so much better to run to the press with your little stories and smear people’s names, is it?

A wide grin covered Stephen’s face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He lied through his teeth. “Shocking, that you’d think I would do that!

“Oh, I know, Stephen.” AJ took a few steps closer. “I’m not a fool. I know Kevin was in the room when Nick confessed everything to Howie. I know that Kevin would come and complain about it to you because of how angry he is with me right now. Out of that group of people who know, there’s only one who would have enough hatred to pull something like this.”

Taking the last few steps, AJ stood barely a half a foot away from him. He glared up Stephen’s tall frame, not the least bit intimidated by his size. There was hell in his eyes and he knew it. They were bright and hard. That look alone had Stephen starting to step back before he stopped himself. AJ’s smile grew sharper as he continued to speak.

“The thing is, I don’t care what you have to say about me. Make me out to be a bad guy. Go ahead. Tell the world I’m gay. Watch me tumble from that pedestal you seem to think I’m on. About all of that I could really care less. I’ve dealt with worse shit and bigger punks than you before. I’ll come back from it. For every fan you lost me, I gained another one in the gay community. I have no shame in who or what I am.”

The smile slid off his face and suddenly he looked very lethal. “But this is the last time you will ever hurt Brian. That man has cried enough tears over you. Mess with him again, Stephen, and I guarantee you that you will regret it. Are we clear on this?”

Stephen’s hands balled into fists on either side of him. “Are you threatening me, you little punk?”

The grin came back, harsh and quick. “I don’t make threats, Stephen. I make promises. You don’t want to test me on this one.”

When Stephen raised a hand, AJ rolled his shoulder lightly and chuckled. “Think of the shit you’ll get in for hitting me. A celebrity. Everyone would see it at tonight’s concert.” He warned. That seemed to stop Stephen, if only for a moment. “You couldn’t prove it was me. You can’t prove any of this was me.” He sneered at AJ. “There are no witnesses here.”

That was what AJ had figured he would realize. So he was braced when the fist came flying, just managing to dodge out of the way. Adrenaline pumped in his veins. It mixed with the rage that was sitting right below the surface. This man had done the one crime in AJ’s book that was the worst you could commit. He had hurt the man AJ loved.

Stephen barely skipped a beat when his fist didn’t make contact. He was already prepared and spun quickly, his other fist catching AJ in the gut. AJ let his instincts take over, and every ounce of street fighting he had ever done came back. First hit had been made. Everything was open game now. He feinted and dodged around Stephen’s punches, managing to get one or two in of his own. One hit barely grazed his face, but enough to cut his lip open.

The two got a hold of one another, grappling until they fell to the ground. Stephen used his weight to pin AJ down and deliver a solid punch to his face and another to his gut. That was all he got in before AJ wiggled out from under his grip and used a leg to swipe Stephen off balance. Next thing Stephen knew he was lying on his stomach on the ground and AJ was kneeling on his back, a hand on the back of his head.

“I warned you to stay the fuck away from him.” AJ swore softly. He pressed his knee further into Stephen’s back. “Last warning. Hurt him again, and I won’t be so nice next time.”

Grunting, AJ pushed to his feet, glaring down at the other man. It took everything he had to turn and walk away and not pound him into the carpet until he bled and bled. But he had delivered the message he wanted to pass along and that was good enough.

There was barely any sound to warn him before Stephen slammed into him from behind, knocking him to the ground. His arm caught the top of the cabinet nearby, cutting his skin from mid bicep to shoulder. He paid no attention to it. Hands shot out to catch himself and then he was kicking his feet back even as he rolled sideways. One foot connected with Stephen’s head.

AJ had to force his temper under control as he stood back up. The kick to the head had disoriented Stephen enough that he was still laying there. While he was, AJ couldn’t resist kicking him one more time in the gut. “I told you. Don’t fuck with him, Steph. Remember this, and remember who won this one. I promise you it won’t be so easy for you next time.”

With the back of his hand he wiped the blood off of his chin and headed out the door, leaving Stephen lying on the floor.

Once in the hallway, AJ cursed lightly when he saw Nick walking toward him. The younger man’s eyes quickly took in where AJ was coming from and the bruises and blood on him. “What the fuck did you do?” Nick swore as he started to run forward.

AJ figured the answer was obvious, so he didn’t bother speaking, just continued on toward his room. Nick followed behind him, which made AJ sigh. Once he had his door open, AJ stopped in it and turned to face Nick. “What I did is nothing that you need to worry about, Nick. The less you know the better. It keeps you out of trouble. I promise you, I’m fine. Now, I’ve got plans to make to try and figure out how to do what I want to do to fix things. So, if you don’t’ mind…”

“Let me help!” Nick exclaimed, bullying his way in the door.

For a second AJ debated grabbing the kid and throwing him out of the room. But an idea came to him and he found himself shutting his door. “You know what, Nick? I think you can help.” He said slowly. His mind was already spinning as he walked further into the room. “This is what I was thinking…”

NEXT PART

Sighing, Brian rolled his shoulders as he looked around the darkened part of the backstage. Lights were going out front, and the fans were screaming. Usually he was hyper when it was time for the show to start. But right at the moment he couldn’t bring himself to be that excited over anything. Not only was he still dealing with the hurt, but there was the loneliness as well. Lately he had come to rely on having AJ around so strongly that he felt bereft without him.

His eyes kept glancing around, trying to catch sight of AJ somewhere in the chaos of everything. But even though he’d heard him once or twice, he had yet to see him. He hoped that he’d be able to keep himself under control when he did. Half of him was still so furious with AJ. The other half wanted to rush into his arms.

Add on to all of that was the fear of how the fans were going to be. There hadn’t been any problems when they arrived, but who knew how many were out there? Before the lights had dimmed it had seemed like they were pretty full. Would they all be happy to see him? Or would there be shouts and insults flung up at the stage from those who would be upset that he was gay? This was his and AJ’s first public appearance since the news had come out.

PR had said to act like nothing was different. That if they just performed like normal, the rest would be taken care of in specially selected interviews. Right now the important part was doing the shows they were paid to do.

So as the stage went dark and the music started, Brian put his game face on and forced the smile to curve his lips. He heard the others join him in their line, ready to take their cue to rush out on stage. Then the music hit their cue, and there was no time to worry about anything, no time to do anything but be a Backstreet Boy.

Brian said his hellos with the rest of them, and threw himself into the first song “Everybody”. The fans went wild as they always did. Nothing negative seemed to be happening. There was no boo’s or bad things thrown at the stage or anything like that. They made their way around the stage and Brian had to force himself to do his job even as AJ’s voice singing around him had shivers running down his spine.

The first time he caught sight of AJ’s face he almost tripped on the stage. Somehow he managed to catch himself and make it look all as if he was goofing off as he ran past others and sang his lines. But his mind was whirring. What the hell had given AJ that split lip? Or the huge bruise on his eye and temple? Holy shit.

Somehow Brian kept his composure and made it through the next few songs. When they took their second offstage to make a quick costume change there was no time to get to AJ and ask him what the hell had happened. There was no down time at all until it came time for the solos.

Kevin did his solo first. While he was gone, Brian tried to move over and find AJ, but suddenly AJ had disappeared. What the hell was going on? He turned to ask Nick and found that Nick, too, had gone. Howie was the only one there. Brian made sure his mic wasn’t hot and quickly stepped up to Howie. “What the hell is up with AJ’s face?” he asked him.

The look Howie gave him was half annoyed, half concerned. “I don’t know. He wouldn’t tell me. Why are you asking? I didn’t think you were too fond of him right now.” Unspoken was the hint that Brian caught. Howie had thought he had done this.

“I didn’t touch him, D. I haven’t seen him since I left.”

Howie opened his mouth to speak, but the cue came for Kevin to come off and Howie to run up. Next would be Brian, then Nick, followed last by AJ.

The minute he was backstage, Kevin found his way over to Brian, looking furious. He didn’t waste any time in saying what he wanted once his mic was turned off. “I don’t know what your little boyfriend’s problem is but you tell him to keep his fucking hands off of Stephen.”

Stephen? Brian felt his eyes grow wide as the realization hit him. The only person in the world that AJ would have that much anger and hatred toward. The person he’d wanted to beat ever since he had found out about what he’d done to Brian.

It didn’t take much for Brian’s mind to make all the necessary connections and then for his own anger to start to grow. Stephen must have been the one to release the story to the press. That little son of a bitch.

Brian’s eyes were flashing when he looked back at Kevin. “You tell Steph to keep his fucking mouth shut and not go telling things to the press just because he’s mad at me.”

“What? He’d never do anything like that!”

“The hell he wouldn’t.” Brian hissed at him. Up above them Howie’s music was winding to the end. With a glare Brian started to get himself ready. “He’s pissed I won’t give him money, and he’s pissed I won’t fuck him again now that he’s married. You don’t know the whole story, Kevin. You have no idea about the relationship I had with Steph and how hard he fucked me over after telling me he loved me. You don’t know about the way he’s treated me, or AJ, or the things he’s done. He’s not as pure as you think.”

With that Brian headed out on stage.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the time that AJ’s solo rolled around, Brian was mentally exhausted. There was nothing he wanted to do so much as go back to the hotel and go to bed. Or go somewhere quiet that he could think. Realizing that it had been Stephen who was the cause of this being released had redirected some of Brian’s anger. No wonder AJ had kicked his ass. Secretly Brian hoped that Stephen looked worse for wear than AJ did. The idea satisfied him.

Suddenly Brian realized that his name was being called. He looked up toward the stage as AJ’s voice echoed through the speakers. “Brian Littrell, would you please come to the stage? Oh, Brian! Bri-an! I know you hear me! Come out, come out, wherever you are!”

The screams of the audience grew louder. Brian looked around in confusion when a pair of hands started to push on him. It was Nick. “Go, Bri!” he hissed, pushing Brian up the stairs until he was left with no choice but to step back out on stage.

Instantly he put his stage smile on, waving to the crowd as he bounded forward. Someone turned his mic back on for him, because when he spoke he heard it echo. “You summoned me?” he teased, though he didn’t feel in the least bit playful.

“Yep. Have a seat for a minute.” AJ gestured to the stool that was next to him.

Up close AJ looked worse than Brian had realized. The bruising around his eye was covered with makeup, but that worked better for distance, not up close. Still, it was even less visible with the shades that AJ had on. Just parts of it peeked out the side. His split lip, well, there was no hiding that.

All nerves and not knowing why, Brian perched on the stool, hooking his heels on the bottom rung. He gave the crowd a grin and a shrug as if to say ‘I don’t know either!’

AJ’s lips curved in a small half smile before he turned back to the audience. His words had everyone, including Brian, freezing and going almost totally silent.

“I know that most of you have probably read that article that was written about us by now. I imagine that you’ve seen it on the news now, and that it’s everywhere, right? Yet you’re still here, true fans! All of you wonderful people who still came to the show for the music. We love you all so much!”

Here AJ had to pause to let fans scream. When it was quiet again he continued.

“But, I imagine that you all learned that I did something totally stupid. Not what everyone thinks, but stupid still. I didn’t tell this wonderful man, this person that I will admit to you here and now I love, about what had happened with me and Nick. About the whole ‘bet’ thing.”

Another voice joined them onstage and Brian found his wide eyes turning toward Nick. Oh my God, what was going on here? Was AJ really putting this out in front of everyone? AJ? His tough, reserved, never show weakness lover?

“Now, I had to come out myself to clear a few things up so you guys don’t get too mad at AJ. I did try to make a bet with him because I saw how much he and Brian liked each other but they hadn’t tried to do anything about it! So I thought if I did this, I could get AJ to at least try.” Nick sent a glance and a grin over at Brian. “What everyone doesn’t know, what I was stupid about, was that AJ kept telling me he wouldn’t take the bet. We fought after some harsh words, and Brian helped him walk away so we could cool down. I assumed he’d take the bet. AJ considered it so stupid he didn’t ever think about it again. So, he never really accepted it, you see?”

“That’s right.” AJ interjected again. He waved Nick away, who backed up with a smile and went over to sit on the middle platform of the stage. There he picked up a guitar, settling it in his lap and tuning the strings.

AJ looked over at Brian. “But because I was stupid and didn’t tell Brian, I hurt him. In a sense I lied to him, and that was stupid. It was hurtful. I know there are no words that can express to you how sorry I am. I’m not good with just regular words. Hell, I couldn’t think of anything that I could do either to try and make things right. Except this.”

He looked back out at the audience. “Tonight, I ask you to keep your cheers down just a little. Tonight, my solo is going to be a little special. Nick over here will play guitar, but that’s all the music we’ll have. He’ll sing chorus with me, but otherwise, this is just me and my heart.”

With one hand AJ reached up and took of his shades so that he could look Brian eye to eye. It pinned him to his stool. Those warm chocolate eyes seemed to see straight down to his heart. “I know that I hurt you, Bri. So tonight I put my heart out to the world to show you how sorry I am. I hope you hear the meaning behind this.”

Nick started to strum a few bars, but Brian paid him no mind. His eyes and attention were focused on AJ as he slowly started to sing.

It's not that I can't live without you  
It's just that I don't even want to try  
Every night I dream about you  
Ever since the day we said goodbye  
If I wasn't such a fool  
Right now I'd be holding you  
There's nothin' that I wouldn't do  
Baby if I only knew

The words echoed through Brian’s mind and in to his heart. There was so much emotion packed into the words that he could barely seem to breathe as they washed over him. Nick’s voice joined in for the chorus, complementing AJ’s perfectly.

The words to say  
The road to take  
To find a way back to your heart  
What can I do  
To get to you  
And find a way back to your heart

AJ stepped toward Brian, totally ignoring the audience around him. His whole being was centered on Brian and on trying to show him how he felt. Brian wrapped his arms around himself as AJ’s voice filled him.

I don't know how it got so crazy  
But I'll do anything to set things right  
Cuz your love is so amazing  
Baby you're the best thing in my life  
Let me prove my love is real  
And make you feel the way I feel  
I promise I would give the world   
If only you would tell me girl

Nick joined in again for the chorus. Brian didn’t even hear him anymore. Tears were spilling freely down his cheeks.

The words to say  
The road to take  
To find a way back to your heart  
What can I do  
To get to you  
And find a way back to your heart

AJ dropped suddenly to his knees, his hands coming up to rest on Brian’s knees. His voice grew raspier with the emotion there. Right then Brian realized that AJ was crying as well. Silent tears that made rivers down his cheeks to drip to the floor.

Give me one more chance, to give my love to you  
Cuz no one on this earth loves you like I do  
Tell me...

The words to say  
The road to take  
To find a way back to your heart  
What can I do  
To get to you  
And find a way back to your heart

I turn back time  
To make you mine  
And find a way back to your heart  
I beg and plead  
Fall to my knees  
To find a way back to your heart

The words and the music slowed so that everything around them was suddenly silent. Looking down at AJ, love filled Brian’s heart. The anger he had felt seemed to drain away from him. In that one song AJ had expressed his feelings so well. Brian knew, without a doubt, that this hadn’t been an intentional lie on AJ’s part. He really had simply forgotten about the bet.

His tears came faster and faster as he uncurled his arms from around his waist. Hands shaking, he reached down and took hold of AJ’s hands, pulling him up to his feet. The two men forgot the fans for a moment.

“I am so sorry I hurt you, sugar.” AJ whispered to him, the words playing for thousands of ears.

Brian shook his head and brought his hand up to cup AJ’s cheek. “I’m sorry I didn’t trust you better. I should have known you wouldn’t set out to hurt me.”

“I love you, Brian.”

Brian smiled a smile full of love and joy and everything happy inside of him. His heart felt light. “I love you too, Alex.”

The two men leaned in to kiss and the crowd around them erupted in screams and cheers.  
   
NEXT PART

The rest of the show was so much more entertaining than the first half. At least, for Brian it was. He imagined that the audience could sense the difference too. Contrary to how they had thought the reactions would be, the fans actually seemed to love him and AJ being a couple. Any time they got near one another the crowds went wild. Screaming and cheering.

When they were singing “I’ll Never Break Your Heart” AJ would come over and stand by him during the chorus, wrapping an arm around his waist. That set the crowds off with happy cheers and cat calls. In “Hey Mr. DJ” AJ thought he’d be funny by grinding a little close too Brian. Unintentionally, of course. Sure. With that little gleam in his eye. So when he made to move away, Brian smacked his ass. Again, the crowd went insane.

Too caught up in their reconciliation, neither one cared a whit for the glares that Kevin shot them backstage. There was no time to talk when they went to change, but between songs, during one costume change, Brian and AJ had dressed quickly enough that they had a spare minute. Brian reached out and grabbed the front of AJ’s shirt and pulled him in for a kiss.

He felt AJ flinch and remembered the split on his lip. Just as he would have pulled back, AJ grabbed his head and pulled him in tighter. Somewhere in the background Brian could hear Kevin saying something, but he didn’t really care.

The two pulled back and grinned at one another. Everything that they couldn’t say, everything that had already been said, was put inside of that kiss. It said so much and yet nothing at all.

But their cue came and they had to rush back onstage.

Once the show was done Brian felt as if he could keep on going. He was so full of energy, and happier than he had been in a long time. Forgiving AJ had been the right thing to do. Now that his mind wasn’t clouded by anger he could see everything more clearly. See how it was possible for AJ to forget about the bet. When he took into account the way that AJ’s mind worked, it really was logical that he had forgotten it almost completely.

What had Brian’s heart full to bursting though was the way that AJ had put himself out there in front of everyone to say he was sorry. Not only say the words, but telling the world that he had been wrong and he had messed up, and then he had turned around and sang to him with all his heart, dropping to his knees as the words had poured from deep inside.

Others may not have realized how big a deal that was, but Brian did. He knew that AJ didn’t like to show any kind of weaknesses. He didn’t like to put his emotions on display for others because too often they could get stomped on. But for Brian he had done it. How could he not forgive him?

Backstage and down the hall Brian was in his dressing room getting ready to put back on normal clothes. He was eager to get out there, do the meet and greet with the few fans that got backstage passes and then head back to the hotel. There was an after party but he didn’t have any qualms about skipping out on that. Well, maybe not skipping. But make an appearance for a short while and then go to the hotel. That could work.

He stripped off his shirt and tossed it into the dirty laundry basket that sat against the wall. Lost in his own thoughts, he never heard the door open. When a pair of hands touched his sides, sliding around to his stomach, and a warm body pressed up against his back, he almost jumped out of his skin. But only for the split second that it took him to recognize the feel of those hands and to look down and see the tattoos. “Hello you.” He teased as he laid his hands over AJ’s.

“Mm.” AJ mumbled in his ear. Lightly he nipped at Brian’s earlobe; a spot AJ knew drove him crazy. “Hello back.”

Unable to resist, Brian turned so that he and AJ were face to face. He brought his own arms up, circling them around AJ’s neck. Somehow AJ was already dressed in his casual, after show clothes. That made Brian chuckle. “You must have changed at the speed of light to get down here this quickly.”

“I wanted to talk to you before we got around everyone else.” AJ’s voice turned serious. It was obvious that what he wanted to say was important to him. So Brian just stayed quiet and let his fingers play with the ends of AJ’s hair. In the back of his mind he thought to himself that AJ’s hair was growing out again. Brian liked it best when it was buzzed. Not gone, but short.

After a moment of looking around, AJ finally settled his eyes back on Brian’s. “I wanted to say, away from everyone else, that I am sorry I hurt you, Brian. I hope you know that it wasn’t at all what I intended and I never meant to lie to you.”

Brian brought one hand over so that he could press a finger to AJ’s lips. “I don’t need any words, Alex. You bared your heart for me up there. What more than that could a person ask for? I was foolish, too. I should have known you well enough to know that you would never intentionally keep anything from me. It’s not fair of me to paint you with the same brush as Stephen.”

Now he removed his finger and put on a fake glare. “What I want to talk about isn’t this. You and I, we’re fine. What I want to know about is this…” he touched AJ’s lip. “…and this.” Here he touched the bruise on AJ’s eye and temple.

A sigh slid past AJ’s lips. “How much of it do you want to know?” he hedged.

“Every little bit, mister. Details.”

Another sigh. “Go figure. Ok, first things first then.” With that he stepped back from Brian’s arms and took hold of the hem of his shirt. He pulled it up and over his head and just stood there with a resigned look on his face.

Instantly Brian looked down, seeking out whatever it was that AJ wanted him to see. It didn’t take him long. There was a bruise on AJ’s shoulder, shaped in a way Brian recognized. Almost like the bruises that you got during basketball when you caught someone’s elbow with your shoulder. But what really caught his attention was the gash on AJ’s arm. That he couldn’t resist stepping toward and looking at. Gently he ran his fingers around the cut and the red, swollen skin.

“Did you clean this, Age?”

“Doused it with some alcohol and wiped it off.” He shrugged in that pure, AJ sort of way.

Somehow Brian managed to resist rolling his eyes. The cut wasn’t deep, but it was wide. Later on he’d clean it again and put some butterfly tape on it. For now, he wanted an explanation. It must have been obvious because AJ donned his shirt again and quickly gave Brian a recap of his fight with Stephen. He didn’t leave anything out.

When he was done he stood and waited as if he was prepared to be yelled at. Brian found himself not feeling angry, but touched. AJ wasn’t the type of person to take things lying down. If presented with something he dealt with it head on, no matter the consequences. Even more so when it came to people he cared about.

In those actions, Brian could see the love AJ had for him. He took it as a show of how much AJ loved him, and how important their relationship was. It both touched and thrilled him.

Seeking to dispel AJ’s nerves and get him to smile, Brian took the step that brought them right up against one another. His hands came back up to the back of AJ’s neck again and he let their bodies meld against one another. “My hero.” He whispered.

Surprise lit AJ’s eyes, followed quickly by love and lust and humor. He grabbed Brian’s hips, pulling them even closer. “You’re not mad?”

“Mm, mad is definitely down the list of things I’m feeling right now.”

The lust in AJ’s eyes grew darker. “What’s toward the top?” he growled. That growl sent shivers down Brian’s spine. He pressed his body even closer and let his lips slide along AJ’s jawline. “Can’t you guess?” His voice was a soft murmur against AJ’s ear. It excited him to feel AJ shiver. “Once the meet and greet is done, and we’ve made our appearance at the after party, take me back to the hotel and I’ll show you what’s on that list.”

The look on AJ’s face said clearly that he wanted to skip all that other stuff, but the door to the dressing room popped open and Nick poked his head in. “Come on, lovebirds. The fans are waiting out there and Kev’s getting antsy!”

Casually Brian reached down, took off his shoe, and threw it at Nick’s head. His best friend laughed and ducked, sticking his tongue out at them. “Mature, Rok, real mature.”

“Screw yourself, Carter.” He shot back.

“Nope, no screwing right now. Now, fans. Sex later. At least, I sure hope I’m getting some later.” He made another goofy face and wiggled his eyebrows. “Well, not from either of you.” That was tacked on as he realized how his comment had sounded.

There was nothing the two could do but laugh at him.  
   
NEXT PART

The meet and greet went by quickly. AJ found himself almost rushing through it. All he wanted was to get back to the hotel. It made it worse that they were ‘out’ to the public now, so he didn’t have to restrain himself from holding Brian’s hand or putting an arm around his waist. That just heightened his need. Every time they touched he thought he was going to go slowly mad.

But they had to at least make an appearance at the after party. The general public was used to the fact that AJ didn’t stay at them any longer. He didn’t want to expose himself to all the alcohol. At least, that was his reasoning before. Now, as he stood in the crowded room he didn’t even feel the urge to drink. All he had eyes for was the blond haired, blue eyed man standing with Nick by the bar.

AJ let his eyes travel down the back of Brian, under the cover of sunglasses. Over those strong shoulders, down that firm back and over that delicious looking ass. Oh yeah. He’d snagged the finest looking fellow in the whole joint, that was for damn sure. No one else even caught his attention.

“You could at least try not to drool so heavily over him.” A voice murmured nearby.

Turning his head, AJ saw Kevin standing by his side. The older man was smiling, but the look in his eyes as he watched AJ wasn’t entirely friendly. Really? Was Kevin seriously going to be a dick here, of all places? In fucking public? AJ leaned back against the wall and sipped at the coke in his hand. His eyes yet again found Brian. This time he was turned enough that AJ could watch the side of his face as he spoke.

Watching Brian’s face as he laughed at a joke that Nick was telling, seeing those blue eyes light up from across the room, took AJ’s annoyance back down. “Is the drool showing?” He deliberately wiped his hand over his mouth. “Hm, I’ll have to be more careful next time.”

“Don’t you have any respect at all for our band?” The hiss to Kevin’s words was at total odds with the smile he wore for the public. Anyone would have thought they were just talking pleasantly to one another. Unless they got close enough to hear. But with the music, no one would hear unless they were right on top of them.

AJ kept his eyes on Brian. He and Nick were laughing again and talking with their hands. It was good to see that they had made peace. Because of the bet AJ had been afraid that there might be tension there. Apparently there wasn’t. He was glad to see that. He’d hoped, by letting Nick help him with his apology song, that Brian would forgive his best friend as well. It seemed to have put Nick’s mind at ease too.

“Of course I do. Just because I’m checking out my old man’s ass doesn’t mean I’m disrespecting anyone, Kev. Just means I have good taste. I’m not the only one who’s looking at it.”

That perfect smile on Kevin’s face slipped for just a second, showing the anger within. But then it was back in place as if nothing had happened. “We have a lot of shit to talk about in the morning. You guys can’t be crawling all over one another during shows. What you did tonight was stupid. You could have ruined us just because you wanted to say ‘sorry’.”

The scorn on the word sorry had AJ’s back going up. It became a herculean effort to keep his smile in place. But years of being in the limelight had taught them all how to put the mask on. No one who looked at him or Kevin would know that anything was the matter. At least, that’s what he thought. Apparently some people could, because AJ saw Howie do a double take and start for them. He also saw Brian look over, almost as if his gaze was pulled there. Concern tightened Brian’s eyes and then he was tapping Nick’s shoulder and they were making their way past the crowd.

“I did the only thing I could think of to make things right with him. Whether you liked it or not, I don’t care.” AJ said calmly. He watched his friends as they got closer. “The band, the fans, none of them matter to me near as much as Brian does. His happiness is the single most important thing in my entire life. I would never sing again a day in my life if that was what he wanted of me.”

To AJ’s surprise, something flashed in Kevin’s eyes. Was there a slight softening there? He grew even more surprised when he heard Kevin whisper “I almost think I believe you. But I can’t accept this, AJ. This isn’t what I was raised to believe is ok.”

The other members of their group were almost on them. AJ spoke fast, wanting to say this before they were there to hear. “Nothing is going to keep us apart, big guy. I hope one day you’ll be comfortable around us. But we won’t change who we are just because someone doesn’t like it. Not for you, his family, my family, Stephen, the band, the fans, anyone. I love him and he loves me.”

Hardness came back into Kevin’s eyes. “I’m tired of being in the dark about all the facts. What the hell is going on with Stephen? He won’t say anything, but I know you fought with him. You’re both bruised. What the hell possessed you to beat up an old family friend? He’s my guest and he deserves some respect.”

The others made it to them in time to hear the last of Kevin’s words. Brian stepped up to AJ and into the arms that AJ automatically opened for him. He wrapped one arm around AJ’s waist and rested his head on his lovers shoulder. It made AJ happier than anything ever had in his entire life to have Brian standing like this with him, especially in public. He’d been so afraid of how Brian would take their sexuality being blasted in the press like this. It seemed he’d worried about that for nothing.

“I told you earlier, Kev; you have no idea what Steph’s done, or how well AJ restrained himself. Whatever happened is between them, and nothing less than he deserved.” Brian looked right into his cousin’s eyes as he said this, wanting him to see how serious he was.

“If this affects the band, is it something you guys might tell us about? Before this, too, gets smeared in the tabloids?” Howie asked them. It was a logical request, but not one that AJ could answer. That was up to Brian. The story was his to tell, and the pain was his to share. In this AJ stayed silent and deferred to his lover.

For a moment Brian seemed to think about it while he looked around the room. Then he turned back to AJ and breathed in deeply and slowly. “Tomorrow, we’ll talk. I can’t promise I’ll tell everything, but I’ll give you the important information. Enough that, if it comes out you guys won’t be blindsided. But that’s the only reason. Bring Steph too.” That did surprise AJ. It had his arms tightening around Brian for a moment, though he kept silent. Brian squeezed back softly. “Let him say his side of things, that way any spin he tries to put on it will be to my face instead of behind my back.”

There was logic in that. But it didn’t mean that AJ had to like it. Anything that put those two in the same room was something that AJ wasn’t going to like.

His temper faded when Brian lifted his head to grin at everyone. “But for now, I’m taking this sexy ass freak back to the hotel. You guys think you can make excuses for us?”

It didn’t take long before they were on their way back to the hotel, in separate cars so as to make it easier to trick people into thinking they hadn’t left. That made AJ antsy the whole ride there, knowing what he was about to go do, knowing what was waiting for him. He was hard pressed to keep his body under control.

He didn’t see Brian again until he got off the elevator to his floor. The older man was standing by his hotel room door, just unlocking it as AJ stepped out of the elevator. Those beautiful blues turned toward him, and AJ wasted no time. There was passion in Brian’s gaze that had AJ’s already horny body going instantly hard.

With long strides he closed the distance between them. Without pausing he plastered himself against Brian’s body and kissed him for all he was worth, pressing him into the door that Brian had just unlocked, almost tumbling them into the room. They didn’t care. Arms wrapped around one another as they walked in. AJ kicked the door shut behind him.

The only time they broke the kiss on their way to the bedroom was to pull their shirts off and throw them to the floor. But then their lips were fused together again. There was no need for words right at the moment. The need was too strong.

When they reached the bed AJ gave a strong push that sent Brian flying backwards, landing on his back. He grinned and scooted up the bed only seconds before AJ growled and practically dove on top of him. Braced on his arms, he looked down at Brian and couldn’t help but smile.

Passion and loved filled AJ until he thought he would burst with it. This man was really his. His. After so long wanting and waiting; after this horrendous fight and the drama that had come from it all, still Brian was here with him. Acting on what he felt he kissed Brian, putting every ounce of his happiness into it. 

The heat spread down his spine as he stretched his body against Brian's. His lover’s response was instant. God, that was so sexy. Brian held nothing back in the bedroom. A gentleman out and about, but a freak in bed. Brian was moaning and pressing himself even closer.

Every nerve ending felt like it was on fire. AJ growled, one hand sliding over Brian's chest. He sought out his nipple, rolling it between his fingers. Brian's answering moan had his blood singing.

Thrusting his hips down, AJ bent and attached his lips to Brian’s jawline to taste and kiss and tease. Brian’s hands came up, over his back to drag at the skin there. The feel of Brian’s hands on his skin, mixed with the small flash of pain from those short fingernails digging into his skin, had AJ’s passion doubling.

Brian's hips ground upwards as AJ’s hand moved to his other nipple and his mouth continued to worship that beautiful skin. “God, Alex, I want you. Now, I want you now.” Brian’s words came on a long moan that had AJ feeling like one hell of a man. He grinned and nipped at Brian's ear, delighting in the sounds he made.

He moved his tongue further down, sucking on Brian's nipple. He’d learned in their first night together that this was quite an erogenous spot for his love. He felt Brian's hands at his waist, tugging at his jeans. His response was to bite down on Brian’s nipple.

Brian's hips rose off the bed a little as he gasped. He couldn't think, couldn't do anything but feel. He gasped when AJ started to trace his tongue lower. Their passion was so strong that it was consuming them both. But AJ wanted to make this night as pleasurable for Brian as possible. He wanted to show him how sorry he was, and how much he loved him and wanted him.

Sliding his body down, AJ continued licking his way over Brian's stomach. AJ slid his hands over Brian's hips, hooking into the waistband of his jeans and boxers. Flicking his fingers out, he easily undid the button and zipper. Gently he tugged on them as he flicked his tongue at his navel.

Brian lifted his hips, allowing AJ to slide his pants and boxers down and over his feet. For a moment AJ sat back and simply admired. God but this man was beautiful. Flushed with passion, his blue eyes darkened with that same lust and full of love only for him. Trust was there too. It was both heartwarming and erotic all at the same time.

AJ dipped his head down and flicked his tongue across Brian's head, tasting the fluid that had started to leak there. The older man’s hips arched up off the bed. AJ smiled and did it again just to get that reaction. He licked down the vein there, making Brian's hips move frantically beneath his hands. As he moved back to the head, he held Brian's hips still and sucked the tip into his mouth.

“Fuck” Brian moaned. He threw his head back against the pillow with a loud moan as he felt AJ suck him in. There was nothing slow and sweet about this anymore. AJ’s mouth was hot and dangerous. This was exactly what AJ wanted. He wanted to make Brian senseless. To give him passion greater than anything he ever had before. Brian’s hands were fisted in the bedspread in an effort to stop himself from grabbing AJ’s head and fucking his mouth for all he was worth.

Bobbing his head, AJ grinned. He could tell what Brian was thinking and what he wanted to do, and he knew that soon Brian wouldn’t be able to control it. Those long fingers would tangle in his hair. But AJ wanted to see how far he could push him before he did.

The suction as AJ pulled back and then slid down again fried Brian’s brain. One of AJ's hands came down, rolling Brian's sack between his fingers. He started to pant.

AJ grinned and sucked a little harder, pulling up to nip at Brian’s head and then slide back down. When he let Brian hit the back of his throat, completely deep throating him, he heard his lover gasp and moan and that last thread of control snapped. Brian’s hands came up, gripping his hair as his hips started to rock. AJ let go of his hips in a silent sign to give him permission and he braced his hands on the bed just as Brian’s hips started to rock.

Opening his throat as best he could and controlling that gag reflex, AJ let Brian thrust up into his mouth over and over, getting turned on by the feel of Brian’s thick cock fucking his mouth. Even more so as Brian started to make those sexy noises that AJ so loved; half moans, half something else entirely. All passion.

Before too long Brian’s body was covered in beads of sweat and his motions were jerky. AJ braced himself when he felt the orgasm slam through his lover. Brian’s body snapped taunt and he moaned AJ’s name loud and long as he shot his load down AJ’s throat. When his body was spent, AJ pulled back, licking his lips and grinning while he moved back up Brian’s exhausted body.

“You make the sexiest noises.” AJ said with a smile. He ground their hips together, succeeding in teasing himself. Brian reached a hand down between them to cup AJ through his jeans. “I want to feel you.” He said bluntly. The words sent a shiver of lust down AJ’s spine.

Together they pulled off his pants, and AJ kicked them to the floor. He brought his lips to Brian's ear, biting down on his earlobe and then sucking it into his mouth until he had Brian moaning lightly. He let go only to start to whisper. “I want to fuck you, sugar.” He rasped gruffly. That passion filled night they’d shared had taught him a few things about Brian. Like how much he loved dirty talk. “I want to fuck you until you can’t walk, can’t sit, without feeling what we did together. I want to bury myself inside of you and fuck you and watch your face as you cum so hard you scream.”

Brian slid his legs open, letting AJ slide between them. His hands came up to grab AJ’s hips and pull him in close even as he brought his own hips up to grind. “Fuck me, Alex.” He whispered back. It came out sounding like a plea. “Now, please, now. Hard, fast. Please!”

Jesus! AJ grew harder when Brian spoke like that in his sweet, southern voice. He brought his hand down and rubbed his dick, working his own moisture around to act as lube. When he was ready, he placed himself at Brian's entrance.

AJ tried to take it slow as he moved in, but Brian was already starting to grow hard again and his body was desperate. He tugged at AJ’s hips. “now, now, now.” He chanted. Knowing what the older man wanted, AJ kissed him and slammed his hips down, burying himself in as deep as could be. Air whooshed from his lungs at the feel of being inside of Brian. “God, you’re so tight. So fucking hot.”

Brian moved his hips frantically. “Fuck me, Alex.” He begged. Shit. AJ’s body started to move automatically, thrusting into him fast and hard. When AJ pulled out, then slid back in, he tapped Brian's prostate and his lover’s whole body trembled.

The bed was moving with the force of their lovemaking. Brian brought his hands up, grabbing hold of the headboard to brace himself. AJ felt his vision haze when Brian started to roll his hips in time with his thrusts.

Just as they were both getting close, AJ slowed his pace, teasing them. He waited until Brian was begging before speeding back up. But just as they started to get close, as Brian was writhing on the bed, AJ slowed his pace down again. He wanted to drive him mad. Wanted to make Brian delirious with passion. What he hadn’t counted on was how crazy he had already driven him.

“Fuck, AJ, quit teasing me!” Brian moaned angrily, trying to move to speed them back up. When it didn’t work Brian did something that surprised the hell out of AJ. He wrapped around him, arms and legs, and flipped them over.

AJ found himself flat on his back, Brian kneeling over him. Bracing his feet on the bed, Brian leaned back and started to ride AJ. It was the most erotic sight that AJ had ever seen. He couldn’t resist bringing his hands up, running them over Brian’s legs, down to wrap around his thick erection. He started to pump his hand while Brian fucked himself on top of AJ.

Jesus, this man was a fucking firecracker. Watching Brian ride him, his head thrown back, eyes half closed with pleasure, had him flying toward that peak. AJ was panting now as well, his hips bucking up to try and bury himself deeper. With eyes half shut he watched as Brian’s orgasm stole over him. His lover let out a half moan half scream that was the hottest sound AJ had ever heard. Just watching Brian’s orgasm was enough to trigger his own.

On a growl of pleasure AJ thrust up and shot his own load deep inside of Brian. He threw his head back against the bed, his eyes squeezing shut with the force of it. His whole body seemed to quiver and empty.

As it subsided he felt Brian climb off of him and flop down onto the bed. Neither of them moved from there. That had been the most intense fucking orgasm AJ had ever had in….ever. Fuck. It took five whole minutes before he was breathing normally enough to speak. “Holy God.” It was all he could manage to say.

“You can call me Brian.”

The smart ass remark took a second to register in AJ’s melted brain. When it finally did, he chuckled weakly but didn’t bother to move. “Freak.”

“Mm.”

Weak as he was, AJ managed to roll over enough to lay his head on Brian’s chest. His arm and leg flung over as well so that he was glued to Brian’s side. Together they lay there, not speaking, simply basking in their love.  
   
NEXT PART

The night that Brian spent with AJ was exactly what he needed. It made him feel desirable, loved, cherished, and so much more. It gave him strength and helped him find that calmness inside. Nothing in life could be too bad with this man by his side. They could conquer anything. Even telling the guys about his past with Stephen. Even saying it all with Stephen right there in the room.

AJ wasn’t happy about that part. He let Brian know the next morning, in no uncertain terms, exactly what he felt while Brian had him sitting on the bathroom counter so he could clean and bandage his arm.

“Why would you let him in there? I mean, you’ve got to know that he’s not just going to let you say your piece. He’s going to start shit.” AJ stopped to swear as Brian dabbed at the cut with peroxide.

Watching the way the liquid bubbled in the cut had Brian glaring up at AJ. “Clean, huh?” he scolded him. Everyone knew that the more peroxide bubbled the dirtier the cut was.

AJ shrugged it off. To him that was just a minor annoyance. He was like a dog with a bone on the topic of Stephen. “Are you listening to me, Brian? The last thing we need is for him to start more shit!”

“I heard you, Alex.” But he wasn’t intending on arguing about it. Methodically he cleaned the cut up and then dried it off. Next he took out the butterfly tape and pinched the skin together, ignoring AJ’s muttered curses, before taping it shut. “There.” He proclaimed when he was done. “That should let it heal better. Still going to leave a scar, most likely.”

“Oh, who gives a shit?”

With a growl AJ hopped off the counter. He put his hands on his hips as he stood there and glared at Brian. The sight was almost enough to have Brian laughing. Somehow he managed to hold the chuckles in. They would have only irritated AJ further.

“You’re just going to do what you damn well please, aren’t you?” AJ asked irritably.

Brian let his grin unfold as he gave a little nod. “Mm hm. But you can keep trying to talk me out of it.” His grin grew even bigger. “It’s kind of cute.” He wiggled his eyebrows at his lover. For an instant AJ stayed glaring. Then his glare melted and he laughed, shaking his head. “You’re a freak, Littrell.”

“Hey now!” Brian squawked in his Donald Duck voice. That just made AJ crack up more. Still chuckling, he moved to leave the bathroom, bumping his shoulder against Brian’s. It felt good to see AJ laughing like that. Brian had worried most of the morning that AJ was going to make this difficult. But he was also learning that it didn’t take him much to really diffuse AJ’s temper.

“You call me the freak, bone, but who’s the one currently touching up his nail polish?” Brian called out as he gathered up his medical supplies and put them away. He didn’t even have to look to know that was what AJ was doing. Years of being friends had taught them all about one another.

There was a muffled thump echoed by loud laughter. “Would you rather I go around with chipped nails? How embarrassing would that be?”

“God forbid your nail is chipped! Oh, God, the world is ending!” He put a hand dramatically over his heart as he stepped out of the bathroom. A flying shoe caught him in the gut. Laughing, Brian caught it and threw it back, catching AJ’s ass even as he tried to dodge. “Son of a bitch!” AJ swore loudly. He froze in place.

Curious, Brian lifted an eyebrow, wondering worriedly if he’d done something wrong. That little fear was still in there, even if being around AJ had tempered it down. “Is everything ok?”

AJ turned annoyed eyes up toward Brian. “You made me smear my damn pinky nail.”

Laughter tickled up Brian’s throat even as he tried to force it down. But AJ was looking so livid, holding his hand out and inspecting that one offending nail. Mirth danced in his eyes, though, he wasn’t able to hide that. AJ saw it and suddenly he was stalking forward, still holding his bottle of nail polish. “Alex, what’re you doing?” Brian chuckled and backed away. AJ kept coming.

“You want to laugh at me, Rok?”

“Alex, I’m warning you, get back.” The laughter kept coming the closer that AJ got. His lover was grinning now in a way that warned Brian he had something in mind. He gave up dignity and, laughing fit to burst, tried to take off down the hall. AJ caught him right at the bedroom doorway, tackling him to the ground and tickling him until he couldn’t breathe through his own laughter.

“Alex! Alex, stop!” he choked out. Tears ran down his cheeks from laughing so hard. AJ’s fingers were merciless.

“Nope, you’ll pay for ruining my nail and laughing at me.”

Now that Brian was breathless from laughter, AJ set about grabbing his hands and pinning them to the ground above Brian’s head. To hold them the way he wanted brought his hips awfully close to Brian’s face. Unable to help himself Brian gave a happy little hum. It distracted him long enough that he didn’t realize what AJ was doing until it was too late.

Suddenly AJ pulled back and stood up, a wide grin on his face. Wary, Brian brought his hands down. When he caught sight of them he felt his mouth drop open. “Alexander James Mclean, you painted my thumbs?”

“Now we’ll match, baby!”

Brian looked up at his smirking lover and gave in to the giggles that were threatening again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone in the hotel room was staring at Brian. He and AJ had just arrived to find that everyone was already gathered in Kevin’s room waiting for them. Now that they were there, standing side by side in the living area, Brian felt his nerves come back. It didn’t help that Stephen was there. So far Brian had avoided looking at him. Just knowing he was there was enough.

“So, I imagine that you guys are all waiting for my story.” Brian stammered out. He brought one hand up to wipe over his mouth, trying to calm himself down.

Nick sat forward in his chair, his eyes narrowing as he looked at him. It made Brian’s stomach do a flip flop for a moment. But then Nick burst out with “You have spent way too much time with Age, Frick.”

“Huh?”

“Black nail polish? Really?”

Looking down at his hand, the one he’d wiped at his mouth with, he saw the black thumbnail. He brought out his other hand, showing that thumbnail too, and a smile grew.

“Hey!” AJ exclaimed, putting one hand on his hip. “Look, he smeared my pinky. I couldn’t just let him get away with it!”

Even Kevin gave them a small smile. Brian considered that a good sign. It gave him the courage to ignore Stephen’s snort from the sidelines and to start in on his story. He still wrapped an arm around AJ’s waist, seeking comfort in his embrace.

“So basically you guys wanted to know what’s going on. I wanted to tell all of you at the same time so I don’t have to repeat myself. Cause honestly, unless forced, I don’t want to talk about it after today. I want to get everything in the open and move on from it. It’s why Stephen’s here too.” For the first time Brian allowed himself to look over at Stephen, braced for the hurt and the pain.

Shock filled him instead. AJ had told him about the fight, but he hadn’t realized how much AJ had fucked Stephen up. His nose looked bruised and sore, probably from when AJ said he had slammed Stephen’s face into the floor. There was small lump on Steph’s forehead from where AJ had kicked him. He also sported a black eye, but on the opposite eye from AJ’s. He held himself stiff like someone who ached in other places.

“Jesus, Age.” He whispered, turning to look at his lover. It didn’t surprise him to find AJ looking both annoyed and smug.

“Like your little boyfriends handiwork?” Stephen sneered contemptuously. “Did he tell you how he came and attacked me?”

“He told me exactly what happened, Stephen.” Brian was proud that his voice stayed calm and cold. “If you hadn’t leaked the story to the press he would never have done what he did. In case you haven’t noticed, AJ is slightly over protective when it comes to me. You did the stupidest thing in the world. You did something that hurt a person he loves. Anyone who knows AJ knows there’s no crime bigger than that in his books. It’s the only thing that would make him attack that hard.”

“I didn’t do shit to you two, Bri. I don’t know what shit he’s filled your head with but I don’t have to stand here and take it.”

“You do.” AJ said softly from Brian’s side. “Run away and it will only show everyone that what Brian says is truth and you know it.”

“What’s the truth here?” This time it was Kevin who spoke up. He was sitting forward in his chair, his arms resting on the tops of his thighs. There was a serious look on his face that quieted everyone. That is, except for Brian.

He couldn’t bring himself to sit, so he stayed standing and holding on to AJ. It made things easier when AJ brought his hand around to rub at his back in long, slow circles. They were soothing, and the added touch lent him more strength.

“I’ve been gay for a while now, guys. It just took me quite a while to be ok with it. Even when I realized that I wasn’t going to be condemned to hell for eternity just because I felt different, I still wasn’t quite ok with myself. What made it even harder was that I found myself looking at Steph different. I won’t give you all the little in between details, or tell you how it came about because I’m entitled to some privacy in this. But Steph and I ended up getting together. As in dating.”

Kevin’s eyes drifted to Stephen as if hoping he would contradict it. The look on Stephen’s voice was answer enough.

“We dated for a while and I was really happy with him. I thought we’d be together forever. Hell, I was ready to tell mom and dad for him. I even helped pay to start that stupid antique shop, thinking it was what he wanted and that I was just helping the one I loved. But I was stupid. Last break I came home and mom told me about Steph’s marriage.”

All that old pain welled up inside of Brian. He felt the hurt slice his heart again. Against his will he found himself looking at Stephen’s face, watching him as he told everyone the hardest part of the story. This was laying his heart bare not just before his friends but before the one that had done this to him to begin with.

“Steph and I talked and I found out that he’d been married longer than I thought. He’d been married the last time he’d seen me and we’d spent the entire time together fucking. Even then, married, he’d come to me and hadn’t told me. We fought about it and he said some things that hurt. But it all basically boiled down to one thing. He’d used me for money, and he didn’t want to lose the money.”

“That’s just-”

Brian spoke over top him, not allowing him to attempt to contradict anything he was saying. “He showed up here and I knew what he wanted. When we talked on the patio he tried to say he loved me, that he wasn’t with his wife anymore, but I’m not as stupid as I used to be and I told him that. He gave up all pretenses of being nice. He threatened me, and demanded money. When I tried to leave, he grabbed my shirt and slammed me into the wall.” Gasps echoed around the room and all eyes seemed to move to Stephen. “AJ came out on the patio and threatened him until Steph let go and I could get away.”

His eyes traveled the room, looking from friend to friend. “So he’s not as pure as you thought, and this isn’t as simple as you thought. None of you understood so any problems from before can be forgiven. But I won’t tolerate the bullshit continuing. Because I wouldn’t give him what he wanted, he went to the press to try to ruin me. To try to fuck things up with AJ and me.”

“Why on earth would what you and AJ have matter in the least bit to him?” Kevin asked them all quietly. “If…with all of this, he gave you up. Why the hell should it matter? Fucking you up with Age won’t get him the money you say he wants.”

Brian held on to the hope that bloomed inside of him. Kevin didn’t sound angry with him, or anything but shocked really. There was something in his eyes that suggested he believed them. It was there in the way he turned his sharp glare to Stephen, pinning the man to the wall with a look alone.

With a snort, AJ leaned into Brian, kissing his temple. “Because he’s figures if he can’t have Bri, no one will, so he’s gonna fuck it up for him as best he can. Plus, he don’t like me.”

On unsteady feet, Kevin rose. He turned and walked carefully to where Stephen stood. The entire room was quiet as the two men who had been friends for years stood face to face. “Is this true, Steph?”

“Not like they put it, Kev. I mean, yeah, Bri and I dated a bit. Nothing serious. But not like they put it! You know me! You have to believe I’m telling you the truth.”

“See, the thing is, I know Brian.” Kevin cocked his head thoughtfully. All of them flinched a little as they recognized the tone to his voice. Boy, was Kevin pissed. But they were spellbound by the interaction. No one could have moved to stop it even if they wanted to. “He’s not a liar, and he never has been. Never once has he stood and lied to my face.”

“Kev…”

“I want you out of my room. I’ll ship your things home to you, but I want you out, now.”

“What?” Stephen screeched.

Reaching into his pocket, Kevin pulled out his wallet. He grabbed the bills there and thrust them into Stephen’s shirt pocket. “Buy a ticket home, Stephen. Don’t plan on coming back. You’re not wanted around here.”

Stephen looked around the room as if looking for an ally. When he saw none, only glares, he huffed and moved toward the door. Halfway across the room he stopped, looking at Brian’s face. “You’ve made a big fucking mistake.” He cursed at him.

Sighing, Brian nodded. “Yes, I did. The first time I ever let you between my legs. I’m belatedly correcting that. Goodbye, Stephen.”

One last long, heated glare around the room and then Stephen stormed away. The door slammed shut like the crack of a bullet, echoing around them. Everyone stared silently.

That is, everyone but AJ. A smile was spreading over his face and he was shaking slightly with the giggles he held in. Slowly everyone’s eyes turned toward him, which only had AJ giggling more and trying to hold it in more. Brian felt his own lips curve as he watched his lover try to contain his laughter. “What is so funny, Alex?”

“The first time you ever let him between your legs?” AJ snickered out. His giggles grew as he slowly lost control over them. “God, Bri, that’s such a chick thing to say!”

Laughter erupted around the room. Brian shook his head and chuckled before wrapping his arms around AJ’s waist. “I guess you think that makes me the chick in this relationship, huh?”

“Honestly, sugar? I think we’re a little equal in that one.”

“What?” Brian said in surprise. The others in the room were still watching and chuckling at the little interplay.

AJ shrugged his shoulders and moved his hands so they rested behind Brian’s neck. “Look at it this way. You’re the softy, sweeter, nicer, and all domestic and shit. You fold your clothes so they won’t wrinkle and put things where they go. You don’t leave dishes in the sink or dirty towels on the floor” The chuckles around them grew louder

The grin on AJ’s face was bigger now. “But I’m the one who cries at movies and paints my nails and takes an hour to get dressed and ready to go. I love to shop and can max out a shopping card in no time flat. Face it, Rok; we’re both bitches in our own way.” He gave his lover a grin and kissed his nose.  
   
NEXT PART

*Three Months Later*

The rain was pouring down in sheets outside the window. As it hit the roof it made that tapping sound that Brian found so soothing. Right at that moment he felt more at peace in his world than he had ever before. The band was done with their tour, everyone had gone home. He had gone with AJ to his house to enjoy some private time between them and to just enjoy freedom.

The house was quiet around them all except for the movie on the television screen. Rain was making a steady sound on the roof and the night had drawn dark, giving them an almost secluded feel in their home. You could see nothing outside but the night and the rain. It was almost as if they were in their own little private world.

He was curled up in the corner of the couch wearing just a pair of sweats. Tucked under his arm and snuggled to his chest was the man he loved more than anyone else in his life. AJ had one hand curled around Brian’s thigh and the other over his heart. Smiling, Brian let his gaze drift over his lover, his partner, his friend.

Earlier they had been tangled together in the sheets on their bed. It was their bed now, not AJ’s. In their hearts they knew that they wouldn’t be apart from one another again. Brian had already started the process on selling his own home so that they could live here together.

When they’d decided to watch a movie, Brian had grabbed his sweats and thrown them on, but AJ had simply grabbed Brian’s shirt and wore that and nothing else. Curled against Brian’s hip the way he was it gave Brian a good view of those long, muscled legs that he loved so much. Legs that, earlier, had been wrapped around his waist.

There hadn’t been any trouble in their world since Stephen had left. They knew that there was a possibility that he might try to come back one day, but they were prepared to deal with it. For a short while the public had been a little up in arms about their relationship, but nowhere near as bad as they had thought the response would be. Most reacted the way that the fans had at that first concert after the story came out. Pretty soon he and AJ had become the tabloids little golden couple.

His parents had taken the news surprisingly well. Brian still remembered talking to his mother on the phone. He’d been so surprised that she wasn’t upset with him.

“Well, Brian!” she’d laughed at him. “Your father and I figured out you were gay years ago. We’ve just been waiting for you to come and tell us!”

That had floored him. He had never expected that kind of reaction from them. But they were some of their biggest supporters. That had both pleased and humbled AJ as well.

Time was slowly changing AJ. Watching the process was amazing. Less and less often did his temper get out of control the way it had before. There was more of a peace to him now. A wisdom as well that could sometimes still astonish Brian. He’d asked once, a month after all the tabloid stuff had come out, where all these changes were coming from.

AJ’s words had taken his breath away and made him feel cherished. “Being with you has changed me, sugar.” AJ had said in that oh so sweet voice he used with Brian. The one that was full of love. “I’ve learned that I don’t need to jump the gun on everything and go in, fists swinging. Before there was always something in me that felt like it was missing. A part of me that was empty, only I didn’t know it, so I filled it with other things. But now I have you in my life and things are good. I’m happy in ways I never knew I could be. Your love mellows me. What’s the point of getting furious with someone over something stupid when I know I can walk away and come home to the greatest thing in my life? Everything else pales in comparison to that.”

Not all of his rebel was gone, though. For that Brian was grateful. Those little quirks were part of AJ, and part of what he had fallen in love with. When it came to Brian, his temper was still shorter than most. He was fiercely protective of him, sometimes too much so. But that was just AJ. He protected those he loved. So Brian chose to look at AJ’s extreme protectiveness as a sign of how much he loved him.

So many things had changed in their lives, and yet there was so much more peace now. This was where they were meant to be. This was who he was meant to be. AJ had helped him realize that, and had helped heal the old wounds inside of him.

Full of love, Brian bent his head and placed a kiss on top of AJ’s hair. Very quietly he heard AJ sniffle just as something warm and wet splashed onto his chest. For a single second Brian felt worry grip him. Then his eyes shifted to the TV and the movie they were watching. Ah. His lips curved into a smile.

They were watching The Green Mile and it was at the end of the movie where John Coffey is executed. By far and above the saddest part of the entire movie. Though they’d seen it a million times, it never failed to make AJ cry. That had Brian chuckling softly. If only others could see the rough and tough AJ Mclean, rebel of the Backstreet Boys, tattooed freak and known bad boy, curled up in just a t-shirt against his boyfriends side crying at a movie.

“Oh, shut up.” AJ rasped against him, having felt Brian chuckle. “I can’t help it. It’s not fair he has to die!”

Brian ran his hand up and down AJ’s arm in a soothing gesture. He felt his lover bring a hand up to wipe his tears away. “You know this movie makes you cry every single time. Why on earth do you still watch it? It’s not like the endings going to change.” He pointed out.

“I know that! But it’s a good movie.”

Unable to resist, Brian bent his head down and placed a kiss on AJ’s hair again. “You’re too cute sometimes. Even when you’re being a chick. I still love you, though.”

He could feel AJ chuckling against him. “Shut up, asshole.”

“Hey now, that’s not how a lady talks!”

“Lady?” Growling, AJ shifted his body so that he could glare into Brian’s face. “You watch it now, sugar. I may have chick moments, but I am definitely more dude than chick.” There was a sparkle in AJ’s eyes that had Brian grinning and chuckling again. He couldn’t resist teasing.

“Can you even see yourself right now, Age?”

“What?”

“You’re wearing only my shirt and nothing else, curled against my hip, crying at The Green Mile…need I say more?”

A pout curved AJ’s full lips. “Oh, fuck you.” He grumbled as he sat up, away from Brian. It didn’t bother Brian in the least. In fact, his grin grew wider. “Well, if you insist.” Brian said with a fake sigh. Without warning he stood and scooped AJ up into his arms. A small squeal slid past AJ’s lips in surprise to find himself suddenly lifted into the air. Automatically his arms went around Brian’s neck. “Brian! What do you think you’re doing?”

“You said ‘fuck you’ so that’s what I’m going to do.” Brian grinned as he carried AJ out of the living room and up the stairs. He pressed a kiss against AJ’s lips. “Even if you do squeal like a little girl.”

AJ buried his face against Brian’s neck. “Oh, God, don’t ever tell anyone I did that. It’ll kill my rep.” But then his lips curved and he was moving to give Brian an impish look. “I do have to say, if this is the treatment that being the chick gets, I could get used to it. Once in a while.”

They reached the bedroom. Instead of setting AJ down, Brian moved to the bed and sat, still cradling AJ in his arms. Tenderness stole over him and he nuzzled AJ’s cheek. “I love you, Alex.”

The smile that lit AJ’s face was the most beautiful thing that Brian had ever seen. “I love you too, Brian. Always.”

“Always.” He repeated. That sounded perfect to him.


End file.
